New Year for a New You: Day 4 #yby2018

This is day 4 of Lisa Jacobs Annual Review. You can find the details on her site, Marketing Creativity.

  • What would you do in 2018 if you knew you could not fail?

I’d lose 50 lbs.

  • What are some things you could be doing that you’ve been too afraid to try? How can you stretch your comfort zone?

I used to enjoy having sexy photos of myself taken. I’m too ashamed of my body right now which makes me terrified of any camera. I suppose to get out of my comfort zone, I could start taking pictures of myself but I doubt I’ll share them with anyone.

  • What have you been struggling with for entirely too long?

Is this just a weight loss pity party? I’ve been struggling with my weight since I was 8. That’s definitely far too long.

  • What could you outsource, delegate, automate, and/or stop doing in 2018?

I have absolutely NO idea.

  • In what ways and which areas will you “upgrade” your life?

Well, this year isn’t going to be a home upgrade, but I need a computer upgrade and we need a bed upgrade.  My life, I plan, as I’ve said earlier, that I am going to lift out of this depression, embrace my submission again to hopefully make steps to regaining KnyghtMare’s collar someday.


New Year for a New You: Day 3 #yby2018

This is day 3 of Lisa Jacobs Annual Review. You can find the details on her site, Marketing Creativity.

Intention-Setting 2017

What do you want from 2018? Consider the following five pillars of a harmonic life, as taught in Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want by James Arthur Ray.

Then, we’re going to apply each change/desire to the following list. I’ve gathered the questions below from MONEY Master the Game: 7 Simple Steps to Financial Freedom by Tony Robbins:

  1. What do I really want? (vision)
  2. What is important about it? (values)
  3. How will I get it? (methods)
  4. What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)
  5. How will I know I am successful? (measurements)


I want to establish an emergency savings account with at least 1 month’s living expenses and NOT touch it. I’d like to make $2000/month from Submissive Guide (before business expenses) so that I can apply the excess to improving the business, hiring more content creators and bettering our living situation.

What do I really want? (vision)

I want to not have to live paycheck to paycheck, especially since paychecks are not consistent and never on a schedule. I want to be able to relax when it comes to money and also, eventually, be able to handle emergencies like a vet bill, without juggling other bills.

What is important about it? (values)

I want to break free from the stress of never having enough.

How will I get it? (methods)

  1. Set aside a small percentage of every single paycheck in an account we can’t access easily.
  2. Make changes in our current budget that reflect a mindset of saving rather than spending.
  3. Work harder to find income funnels that work for Submissive Guide and also provide value to my readers so that they become loyal fans.

What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)

A lack of discipline when it comes to money. Feeling starved for happiness and pleasure and seeking it in monetary gains instead of emotional, spiritual or social outlets. Stagnation with the business and not sure where to go from here.

How will I know I am successful? (measurements)

  • A full month’s bills accounted for in the emergency account.
  • $2K income tracked on the budget spreadsheet.
  • Peace of mind and relaxation when it comes to bills.


I hope to find peace in my morning rituals and improve my self-care so that I can take care of my needs before anyone else. Live the saying, “take care of the property!” I’d also like to learn better stress management so that I don’t fall into a deep depression again and if I do feel down I know how to lift myself up quickly.

What do I really want? (vision)

I want to be happy, productive and fulfilled without needing anyone else to provide that for me.

What is important about it? (values)

It’s important because so much of my current life has been hectic and depressive. I want to take charge and love myself again.

How will I get it? (methods)

  1. Re-establish my morning routine using the Miracle Morning outline. Stick to it as often as possible until it becomes a habit.
  2. Take more regular showers. It really does show that I’ve been depressed when my physical care has become unimportant. Let’s step that up.
  3. Read and practice better stress management techniques so that I can be more prepared.

What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)

Well, the largest thing is depression. As I climb out of that I’ll be able to really embrace the tasks that will make me happier and feel more fulfilled.

How will I know I am successful? (measurements)

I will track my attempts at Miracle Morning in my bullet journal.


I am to continue learning and exploring submission and business skills to apply them to future successes. I’ll find better ways to create video content so that I am not always finding (and listening to) excuses not to record videos.

What do I really want? (vision)

I want, with some certainty, to know what I want from submission going forward. I’m tired of being uncertain and adrift. I also want to develop my video content to a higher standard so that people have another location for the informational content I provide.

What is important about it? (values)

It’s important because it not only improves my wellbeing but it will work to bring our business closer to success.

How will I get it? (methods)

  1. Make personal development and journaling a priority every single day.
  2. Schedule talks with KnyghtMare about where I stand in my re-focusing so he can provide support if I need it.
  3. Plan regular playtimes or D/s times to feel and explore submission in small doses to help me pinpoint what I do and don’t need.
  4. Record subguide videos on a schedule. Make it a business priority this year instead of written content.

What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)

Depression is/was a huge hindrance, but as it subsides I feel I can work to reclaim my submission and figure out how it fits in the future. As I do so, I will continue to bring sucess to the business with a decent collection of video content.

How will I know I am successful? (measurements)

  • Increase my video count on YouTube by at least 30 videos.
  • Increase my YT subscribers. (Goal 8K+)
  • Be able to submit to KnyghtMare for short periods of time without falling back to negative and self-serving behaviors.


I want to continue to show KnyghtMare that he’s important to me and express my love to him in as many ways as possible as frequently as I can. I want to find ways to play regularly. I hope to have regular date nights to keep the flame kindled and to develop a deeper intimacy with him.

What do I really want? (vision)

I  want to spark joy in your relationship and make our love a furnace, not a single flame. I hope to see our marriage as a strong connection with ourselves that we come back to, an anchor.

What is important about it? (values)

It’s important to me to have a relationship with a rock solid base and enjoying exploring that love through sex, play, and dating. Nurturing a marriage takes dedication and devotion; I am going to dial it up this year.

How will I get it? (methods)

  1. Set regular date nights at least monthly.
  2. Play dates weekly. These don’t have to be fancy, just setting up a time to express our BDSM and kink cravings with each other.
  3. Find special moments to demonstrate my love for him throughout the year.

What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)

The meltdown at the beginning of 2017 left lasting obstacles that we have to continue to chip at. This year I want to brush them all away and find peace with the past – it will not rob me of a happy future with KnyghtMare.

How will I know I am successful? (measurements)

Our happiness will go up, we’ll enjoy spending time together more often and look forward to being sexy with each other. I also expect I’ll be with bruises and aches and pains a bit more frequently if this plan works. They’ll be happy bruises though!


This is a big one. I want to find a healthy way to work out consistently that I enjoy and will make a difference in my weight loss. I will work to add my exercise routine to my morning ritual. I am also making a huge effort to reduce the amount of food I eat and then working in healthier choices for said foods. It will take time, but I can do it.

What do I really want? (vision)

I want to wear a size 14/16. I want to be able to talk long walks with my husband. I want to look in the mirror and be comfortable with the person staring back at me. I want to not worry about diabetes or dying young because I’m obese.

What is important about it? (values)

It’s important to me that I am attractive to my husband, that we can be active together and that I can wear sexy things. I get a lot of pleasure out of feeling sexy and attractive and it fuels a lot of other positive things in my life.

How will I get it? (methods)

  1. Shrinking my plate sizes, finding healthier alternates for the danger foods I tend to gravitate towards.
  2. Add exercise into my daily routine until I can do at least 30 mins each and every day.
  3. Reward progress with non-food rewards. Make-up, manicures, new hair color, new clothing item are all great suggestions.

What is preventing me from having it? (obstacles)

Comfort, in a nut-shell. I’ve always been fat. It’s hard to make the change to see being healthy as the direction I want to go. I’ve struggled with dieting and weight my entire life. If I don’t make the change now, I will die early. I don’t want that.

How will I know I am successful? (measurements)

Other than the normal scale and measuring tape going down, I am looking for a smile when I look in the mirror, fitting into tight spaces easier and less out of breath moments when I exert myself.


Keeping Busy

We are dealing with a lot of financial stress right now which isn’t helping my positive mood improvement of my depression but I am finding that as long as I keep myself busy, things don’t feel as bad.

KnyghtMare hit a deer on the way home from bowling Wednesday. He’s fine but it did shake him up quite a bit. The car now needs some body work and thankfully we have full coverage so we only have to come up with the deductible to get it fixed, which will have to be by the end of the year and without a headlight we risk being pulled over and driving at night is not recommended. These winter months where it becomes night by dinnertime suck now without a car that has 2 headights.

I am getting a lot done related to Submissive Guide and I feel great about that. Busy hands and all that.

What I’d  like to start working on is reclaiming my submissive self. I feel like a bit of myself is missing and I need it back. The problem right now is with everything else going on, my personal inner work on submission has been pushed aside. I can do this though.  I’m strong enough.


The Plan to Think Positively

Over the recent years, my blog became a whiney, complainy place for me.  I would rant and rave over what was going wrong in my life with no attention to the things that were going right. Well, that starts now. I’m making some changes in my life that will hopefully improve my overall mood, help me change my direction in life and get me back on the path I want to be. I have goals that need achieving and dreams to be realized!

If you are an old follower, you’ll notice the change, but I hope it’s a good one. I’m working on me again almost like it was in the beginning of this blog over 12 years ago. You may still get snippets of my life with KnyghtMare, but I’m shifting the focus back to how things impact me positively and the good that is in my life. There is so much to be thankful for and I need to start seeing that.

With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few categories that I’m going to try to narrow my focus with this blog. Let me try to break them down for you.


I need to learn how to be grateful and thankful. It’s a positive thing for many to be able to list what they are grateful in their life for and I want to have that positivity shine through me. That means I’ll be breaking down my gloomy mood to do it.


It goes without saying that I’m unhealthy. I will be talking about my weight and my renewed efforts to get healthy. I may do food logs, weigh ins, exercise reports or whatever else suits my fancy. It’s about being accountable to the one person that I need to be; myself.


We all need things that inspire us. When I see, hear or read something that lifts me up I will share it. I want to document it so that I can refer to it in the future and remember. The world is full of wonders and wisdom.


One of the largest goals for this blog is to recapture my submissive mindset and figure out what I want from submission so that I can be happy, or rather be happy so that I can be submissive. Either way, I’ll be using prompts, exercises, and questions to help me figure out who I want to be. Maybe I’ll be able to one day be asked to submit to KnyghtMare again.

My Thoughts

I have every intention to use this blog to document my thoughts too. Whatever they happen to be, but I will focus on the positive. No negative nelly here. I need to lift myself out of the darkness. No matter how I do it, it has to be with a happy heart and a peace I desire.


Where are the archives?

I’ve moved them to a private location. Starting fresh meant removing the past from public viewing. It’s not ignoring it, but it’s not relevant for this blog anymore.