I thought because I didn’t have a relationship with my dad, that I wouldn’t have a need to grieve. I was so wrong!
“… my dad was an asshole, too. But it didn’t make it any easier to bury him. ‘Cause I was also burying any chance that he might miraculously turn into a different person. ” – Jessica Jones S3:10
I’m grieving the father I wanted, the one I needed. The one he could never be. I’m wishing he had changed for the better, that in one of the many “last chances” I gave him, he showed me he had left behind the hateful, manipulative, abusive self and found someone I could get to know. But he didn’t. And so I’m left with a wound that never healed, that I tried to heal on my own for years.
I don’t know which direction my grief will take me, but I hope there is peace, in the end.