Today’s 10 Questions:
What was time wasted this year?
I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and completely absorbed in depression. I really dislike that I spent so much time feeling that way. I distanced myself from any support system I could have had and it wasn’t helpful to the situation. I hope that this more positive mood that I’m feeling now will continue to rise and that I’ll be even better in 2018.
What was money wasted this year?
Well, it’s hard to waste money when you don’t have any, so I’d have to say we did pretty good making sure money went where it needed to this year. Next year looks more promising, so we’ll have to keep an eye on frivolous (me, especially) spending. Gotta catch up with bills, debts and making a better life for ourselves before we can enjoy the extras.
What was the biggest challenge you faced this year?
The biggest challenge I faced this year was coming face to face with how I had changed, how I had mistreated KnyghtMare for a long, long time and realizing that submission had become just a word I liked to hear and nothing important to me as a person. Submission used to mean something to me and I had forgotten what that was.
If anything, what would you change about how you handled that challenge?
I would have reached out for more support I think. I closed myself off instead. I withdrew from social interaction, hardly interacting with KnyghtMare for a time and barely existed. I think my shock, depression, and anxiety over what I had done would have been less if I had reached out for help.
Are you ending the year with any unfinished business?
Yes, I have a lot of things that I had hoped to accomplish this year that didn’t get done but nothing that had a deadline so I can pick them up and re-aim myself at them in 2018.
Are there any outstanding goals you’d like to let go of?
I’m going to have to let go of the idea of moving this year. We just signed the lease for the next year so we’re here until August ’19 now. Hopefully, by that time, we’ll have picked up financially and can afford the home we want. We hate living here, but at least we can make it work without feeling too cramped.
What was your worst setback in 2017?
Mid-April when KnyghtMare asked for his collar back. I was already depressed after January’s realization of why I was treating KnyghtMare so poorly and my resolve to never do that again and then to have the collar removed (and my subsequent understanding that my connection with my submission was hollow) caused a giant crash; spiritually and emotionally.
Which bad habits or unhealthy patterns did you engage in that you’d like to give up once and for all?
Mindless eating and wasting time on the internet. I’d like to re-learn how to focus on work and productivity and less on unhealthy comforts and distractions. No more avoidance. I need to face things head on if I want to improve and succeed in 2018.
What or who held you back this year? Did anything make you shrink into yourself or feel defensive about your dreams?
I’ve talked about this already in the answers above but I held myself back and I put up walls without doors for a long time this year. I didn’t want to face what I had done, nor how to fix it. I’m done with that. It’s time to work on positive change.
How did you hold yourself back this year? Which beliefs | ideas | excuses stopped you from pushing forward?
I believed that I deserved to feel depressed, horrible, fat and ugly because of how I had been treating KnyghtMare for years. I was punishing myself and that has to come to an end. I’m pushing forward this year to make the changes that will stay with me and elevate me back into a position that I’m proud to be in.