I’m back from bidding goodbye to my step mother. Thank you so much for all the kind words and thoughts. I’m quite lost for words with all the outpouring of love from you all.

Today Master and I started fresh with our relationship. We renegotiated what had been put on hold while I mourned for Kathy for so many months. We had gotten into a rut but now we are ready to get back on track and embrace our love and dynamic. BDSM truly is love for me.

Master is going to establish a structure for me so that I have specific tasks that he wants done during the day. He is going to be more watchful and remind me when I’m not remembering a set rule until I can do them without prompting. He and I both agree that I thrive on micromanagement and while that isn’t his thing he willing to work into it to find where I am most happy.

We are also going to work on keeping me in a subbie space throughout the day. I suggested things that always bring me into a very submissive headspace when he does them in scene and we can try them outside of that to keep me where he wants me. He loved the idea and is willing to do that. I love it when he pulls my hair at the base and I feel myself let go and just become his. I’ve also told him that when he slaps my face it has a profound humbling effect. I’m certain we can find other little rituals through the day to keep me focused on him. I’ve asked him to start with the hair pulling as that’s less shocking.

We are doing to reinstate date night hopefully once a week so that we can reconnect as a couple. I even asked if we could do a play night where we look forward to playing. Nothing fancy as Master isn’t the planning type when it comes to scenes but if we can look forward to playing that might make us more likely to be frisky and play more often.

I asked if we could go back to our night time strolls too. We use those times to talk about us and our struggles and I loved them. It was great to connect in that way.

I’m going to work on being more aggressive in bed and initiating more often. He really likes when I show desire and lust for him and I guess I never really embraced it like I know I could do. We are also expanding our sexual repitoire and I’m excited about that as well.

The conversation was so good. I’m sure I’ve forgotten some of it. I’ll be talking about it a lot to make sure that I can stay focused.

–luna

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