Today was a lot of fun! I felt submissive more than I have in the recent weeks. Master ordered me to wear my collar and cuffs set all day. Master has used me and I’m sure there will be more by the end of the night. I love how he mmmm’s and groans as he’s torturing me and teasing me. I’m still wearing the cuffs and have ben wa balls inside me, jiggling around. He said that this way I’ll be primed for fucking later. I love knowing that my size hasn’t stopped his desire of me. While it has made some of the more active play things pushed aside for now, I know that he’s willing to work with me to get more active and healthy.

I remember the blindfold, clothespins on my nipples and fucking, listening to him get off on my helplessness. I remember the speader bar at my wrist, keeping them from doing much of anything. I remember his voice calling me a whore and I’m getting wet thinking about it. I’m so into the verbal humiliation and moreso when he makes me repeat phrases.

On to other things…

Yesterday he let up on one of the punishments; I can have drinks other than water now (except pop). It was great to be able to have fruit punch, milk, juice and coffee. I think I drank more with those options open to me. After a week of just water I was so happy to show him that I can be a good girl. I want to win back all of his trust. I didn’t mean to lie to him and cover up the lies with more lies.

I weighed in today at 350. That’s 4 lbs less than less week. Hopefully I can continue and lose 2 lbs this week. I could be back to 340 by the end of August. I really hope I can. That would mean 330 by my birthday and possibly less by the end of the year. I’m just projecting success, it’s good thought. I can get past the binging.

Master has been there with the everyday. He’s monitoring everything I eat and since I don’t have access to money he keeps me from eating while out. He is my guardian and my sheild from the bad things that make me want to eat. I just run to him for attention and affection when I’m feeling the sense of loneliness and loss that I’ve been feeling. I’m not fixed, of course, but I know I can do it. I’m not alone.

–luna

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So, accepting the award comes with rules.

“This award comes with some rules. You are to list 5 sexy things about yourself and pass it on to 4 other people.”

I know I can do this.

5 Sexy Things About Me

1. My new nipple piercings! They make me feel so sexy because my nipples stay out and feel perkier since they don’t invert and hide. They are also more sensitive to touch; something I had been wishing would happen for a long time. I can’t wait for them to heal a bit so that Master can play with them too!
2. My eyes. I have baby blues. Youcan see them in the pic up a the top of this blog. I’m constantly finding ways to enhance the vividness so that people can see them. My next step I think will be contacts. I wear glasses and they get hidden pretty easily.
3. I’m comfortable with my body. That’s not to say that I like my body right now but I’m comfortable sitting around naked or mostly nude and can not be ubber concious that I’m very obese. I do imagine myself making it to be a size 18/20 as I was in college when I thought I was so very fat. Odd how that works. As long as I imagine it, I know I can get there.
4. I want to help. I love to help people and that’s why I’ve started a site dedicated to doing that. It’s my baby and I feel wonderful doing that.
5. My friends! I know this doesn’t seem to be about me, but if it weren’t for my friends I’d not feel as sexy as I do. They remind me that I am special (and in some cases famous).

The 4 Sexy People With Blogs

Sir Areli – She is an awesome friend and a sexy Dominant. I can’t help but be amazed at how she handles all the world throws at her and she still sparkles.

CarrieAnn – Have you seen her clips for sale yet? She’s hot hot hot!

Suze – I lust after her breasts and she knows people do… that’s why they are all over her blog.

Scarlet Lotus – She makes me proud to be a woman of size. Her thoughts and passions have my transfixed.

As most of you know, it is the First of May. I’d like anyone who can to go out and have sex outdoors for me, as Iowa is not kind for outdoor play today… brrr! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, watch this: First of May by Jonathan Coulton

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On Monday I got my nipples pierced. It was a surprise really. I had been thinking about it for a long time and Master had mentioned it almost 2 years ago. At the time I said, “maybe later.” Well later came on Monday when we walked into the shop just to find out how much it was, found out it was cheaper than I thought and so we did it. My innie nipplies now have outties!

–luna

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I softly touched his body, my fingertips tracing every inch of him. He trembles with the slightest touch. I like watching the gooseflesh. I savored the moments where he let me do what I will with him.

The next song came on and I slipped into carressing him with more contact. I wanted him to be really turned on before I got to his cock, where the passion would play out. I traced his inner thighs and up his sides, I drew my nails across his chest. It was quite enjoyable.

He has the most sensitive man-nipples. They are like a direct line to his cock. I lick and tickle them, nibble and flick them with my fingernails. He groans and bucks and moans. That is so very hot!

There is power in Master allowing me free reign over his body like that. And only when I take it to be his pleasure rather than a chore do I really enjoy it myself. This was going to be one of those nights.

In the next few songs I moved on top of him and kissed him deep, I nibbled his neck and teased him with my breasts across his chest, sliding down along his body, grinding against his cock and then further, kissing his body on the way down till I came face to cock with his excitment.

Anyone hear the song Lolipop cover lately? Oh yeah, his dick was like a sucker in my hand and I bathed it with my tongue. Teasing the head and shaft, caressing his balls. Sucking just the head in until he bucked for more.

And then I gave it to him. I sucked him in deep and fast, I teased him. Sucking and licking until he moaned and bucked hard, nearing his climax and then… I stopped. I squeezed his cock to stop the twitch. Oh how I loved watching him struggle.

I went back to his cock, sucking again, this time slowly and determined to make him come. I drove him up to deep purple head and then I jerked him fast with a steady rythm.

When he came it felt so very good. I loved to see him reach the pinacle of pleasure. It was a great start to Valentine’s Day festivities.

–luna

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We talked about training and submission and being little girls, punishment that works and doesn’t work for either Ayun or I, Master and Sir Areli’s dominance and working on it. We chatted about amateur porn sites, hosting porn heckling parties, becoming professional dominants and website ventures. Anything and everything was game. It was great.

Sir Areli is one of the few people who have admitted to reading my entire blog. It really amazes me, but she can say that she’s seen how I’ve grown from a whinny complaining confused submissive person who didn’t know if they really were submissive; to the person I am now. It’s actually pretty cool since she’s a dominant, she sees me like Master can. Quite a nice insight when she says things that I’ve not noticed.

Dinner was a rolled flank steak, mock lasagna (all kinds of veggies in crushed tomato sauce) and mashed potatoes. I think it turned out awesome, but I have a lot of the veggies left over for eating. Hopefully I can do that this week. All throughout dinner, Ayun and I had similar issues with interrupting the conversation. Last time Sir Areli visited I had to go to the kitchen for a time out. This time it was Ayun’s turn. Her punishment is a bit of yellow mustard on her tongue. Apparently she is completely repulsed by the taste. It sure would make me want to wait my turn right quick. Hopefully it works for them.

Conversation after dinner moved to website ventures and business ideas. Sir Areli really likes my new site Submissive Guide and has some ideas for it. I’m hoping to be able to implement some of them. I’d love the site to succeed. I’m scheduling at least 10 hours a week on it for content and other things to make it well known and worth while. She has personal site ideas as well that she says I can help brainstorm with her about. This of course will have to happen a different time, when we aren’t around enjoying each other’s company.

Then we talked about challenges in our relationships. Sir Areli wanted me to think about and write something on being with a dominant that is smaller than the submissive and how that impacts play/relationship. I’m going to give it quite a bit of thought, but it will end up on the guide at some point.

Master talked about the idea of becoming a professional dominant and Sir Areli thought that was a fabulous idea. We do have a few limiting factors, but who knows what the future can hold? Master is wonderful to watch play with others and he’s so intelligent and getting more and more experienced with play activities all the time. I’d be so proud of him if he chose to do that.

Ayun made dessert. She brought the fixings for macaroons. So while she and I made macaroons the dominants chatted. I have no clue what they talked about. Ayun and I chatted about how we wish we knew what they were saying because they were probably talking about us. She taught me the macarrons recipe while munching the coconut

We went back out to do more conversation and munching on dessert. Ayun was proud to say she had 20 macaroons. She’s a small girl, perfect proportions and a metabolism like a roadrunner, really.

Then the silly fun moved in. We talked about playing poker and I can’t remember who suggested it, but we ultimately moved on to strip poker. Master pointed out he was starting with less clothing but we continued anyway. What man wouldn’t want 3 lovely women sitting around him in states of undress? It was quite fun. Ayun loves to get naked and intentionally lost at least one hand. Master unfortunately tried really hard not to lose, but ended up being the first completely naked. Ayun was quickly second (on purpose I am sure). By then I just had my shirt off. I played well, but not nearly as well as Sir Areli. She was awesome and stayed dressed.

It has been known in our little group that Ayun has beautiful breasts. Sir Areli said she’ll be sharing them on her blog at some point. They are great, perky and firm and they are quite the eyefull. I enjoyed seeing how comfortable she was all naked just laying about. I’m happy that she was that comfortable here.

I can’t remember how it came up, but I was asked to touch her breasts. I love looking at breasts, and ogle them on other women all the time, but have never touched them. I’ve avoided them really. I can’t explain why I’ve put it off so long. It’s almost become my thing… I like boobs but I’ve never touched them.

So, I hemmed and hawed and wondered and speculated. Master encouraged and Sir Areli questioned my thought process and we all tried to figure out what my block was, why I wasn’t comfortable with it when it was obvious I wanted to. All of the thoughts are for another post as I’m still absorbing that.

I told Sir Areli that I really liked her breasts more (they are quite large and lovely and OMG, drool) and she almost swiftly whipped them out for me.

Then it took an hour for me to be hesitant, yet want to, but not sure how I would respond, if I wanted to allow myself to respond in any way, I was turned on and kinda scared that I was turned on by it. Finally I decided I would do it. I would touch Sir Areli’s breasts.

She stood up, which at her height put her breasts right at face level for me and I involuntarily mouthed. I had a sudden urge to suck on her nipples. Let me tell you I was absolutely shocked and again turned on more. I couldn’t do that so soon. One freaking step at a time I told myself.

I started by caressing the outsides of her breasts and curving under. Wow, her skin was so soft. I did a lot of just gentle touching, exploring my mental thoughts and her responses. I lifted them, and felt the weight of them. They were deliciously heavy. She has very sensitive nipples (which I envy) and she was enjoying it. The areolas wrinkled up and got hard. God I loved it. I really did. I could have done more if my mind didn’t remind me that I should go slow, and well… there was no way I was ready emotionally for more. Maybe someday. I’m sure I’ll be able to feed my fantasies for a long time to come.

(See and you thought I’d be disappointed Sir Areli!)

I’m proud of myself for doing it now. I’ve crossed that line and am not ashamed or puzzled really. I love breasts. This was the next step.

Ayun started to get tired and they finally roused to get dressed and drive home. Sir Areli and Ayun mentioned if what happened would be blog-worthy. Of course it is! And in honor of Ayun’s macaroon record the title is recognizable to them so that when they refresh the blog over and over again, they will know exactly when they become the stars of the blog.

They departed, but not before Sir Areli welcomed me to the other side. I’m not sure I’m ready to say I’m bi yet, but at least I’m moving in that direction and not as scared about it as I was.

–luna

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Of course that meant we had to break it that day, Master isn’t about to let a challenge go. We had a great time, and as a result my pussy is sore. This isn’t distracting to my sense of excitement though, as I’m sitting here thinking of more sex. I think we had sex 4 times on Saturday. I say I think because it’s all a sex crazed haze! I know that he got a blowjob and a handjob. I think the last one was shared masturbation. I sucked on his nipples and played with his balls while he got off. It was hot, very hot.

Something I’ve been fantasizing about recently is Master wearing a very tight pair of jeans, so tight that nothing is hidden. He wears gauntlets of some sort, either leather or rope and nothing else. Then I dream of him working me over, with pain and sex. I get all excited when I imagine him rubbing his crotch in my face. Must be the look of blue jeans or something.

Master doesn’t own a pair of pants that fit like that. I’m not sure I could convince him to get a pair. It’s definitely worth my fantasies of late.

My lust for Master just keeps building and we are so hot for each other. I love knowing that without a word Master can get turned on by just looking at me. I feel so desirable and sexy then. I hope it never fades. Laying in bed with him pulled close was sweet in itself, but to know that he had to go before ravaging me one more time, so that I could drift off to sleep was so powerfully moving and I felt so feminine and loved.

–luna

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Opening the nightstand drawer he withdrew our first glass dildo. I had never felt anything like it and was eager to see what it was like. We also bought another lube, that promised to not be so sticky after awhile. It was silicone based and felt nice. He also took out one of my favorite toys, of which this was the second one (I used the first one to death). A pocket rocket. It vibrates just right and I can get off faster than anything else I’ve used.

The glass dildo was chilly and he held it a bit to warm it and sucked on my nipples till they were hard. He leaned up then and I grasped his cock; I love playing with it and have always had a facination with cock. I love stroking it and making him moan and shiver with pleasure. He applied a small amount of lube to the glass dildo and I watched him in anticipation. Down it went to my pussy and it felt so soft and yet hard too. It slipped in nicely and I have to rave about the way it feels. I imagined that it would feel really hard and foreign, but after the remaining chill subsided it felt really good. This dildo has a curve to it and a slightly larger nub on the end so it rubs just the right spots for me. He teased me with it, moving it in and out and I really loved it.

I continued stroking his cock as he then applied a small amount of lube on the vibe and turned it on. It’s loud, for starters and quite fun to play with all over the body, as Master discovered as he trailed it over my skin, inside of my thighs and nipples. God I love that toy! Once he nested it in my wet folds I jumped and moaned. Goodness that was a good vibe. All the large ones with multispeeds and this little rocket puts them to shame. I was on the edge in no time and Master continued moving the glass cock in me and teasing my clitty with the vibe. Before long I was begging to come and he let me. It was so glorious!

He wasn’t done, I got him off (that was fun) and then he fucked me. The little vibe still rested on my clit and I was hyper sensitive, overloaded with sensations. God it felt so wonderful to have Master inside me and my pussy all tingling from the vibe. He used me hard and it felt so good. I got to come again and he did too. What a way to drift off to sleep!

Moral of this story? Try a glass dildo! It’s worth it.

–luna

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“I’m sure we can manage something,” he replies with a wicked grin.

The preliminaries are hotter than they have been recently. We kiss deeply and I can’t help but touch him all over. I nibble on his neck and nipples and then back up, whispering in his ear my desires and lust. Nasty talk drives him wild. I touch his cock and tease him. “You like it when I stroke it, don’t you?” “You want me to badly, I can feel it.” “You are so hard!”

He’s caressing me all over too and thankfully leaving my tender nipples alone he dives down to my puss and starts tugging on the fat mound. He tugs it softly at first and then harder, so hard that it makes me groan and squeeze my eyes shut in that painful surrender. He asks if it’s too hard. I’m hoping the look on my face says no, dear god no! Master continues to squeeze and pull on my pussy lips and mound. I’m so thankful that I can love the feel of it and moan with lust.

He fingers my clit for awhile, teasing me up to a frenzy and then we lay head to feet and he sucks and nibbles on my inner thighs, moving closer to my mound. Those first slow laps always make me nervous that I’m not going to be clean enough or smell good… I’m just like that. Just after a bath I knew I’d be fine. He’s so expert with his tongue he can drive me so wild and it wasn’t long before I was trembling.

My hands stroking his cock slowed. “Don’t you dare fucking stop slut.”

“Yes Master, I’m sorry Master.”

I’m rocking into him and stroking at the same time. He comes back up and continues fingering me, driving me closer to orgasm.

“Do you want to come or do you want my cock.”

“I want your cock Master, please fuck me Master.”

“How do you want it slut?”

“On all fours Master, I want to feel you pounding into me, please Master fuck me like that please?”

We are in position and as he guides himself into me I push back, wanting to feel all of him but he grabs my hips.

“You fucking slut, your eager aren’t you?”

“Oh yes Master, fuck me please?”

He rocks a few times into me and then impales himself deep. The fucking that ensues is rough and hard, he’s spanking my thighs and ass over and over. I’m trembling and screaming at him to keep going, take me deeper. It’s so good that mix of pain and pleasure.

He rakes his nails down my back and I feel almost a primal growl exit my throat. Oh yes, do that again I think, and he does. Harder, fiercer I can feel the lines burning after his nails have stopped. I can feel the sharp strikes on my ass again. It’s so good.

Then he reaches up and grabs my ponytail and pulls my head up and back. He fucks me harder like that and it sets me into a headspace immediately. He knows that. I feel so pliable and willing, the slut in me unleashed. He pulls harder and I arch up to compensate for the pull.

This dance goes on for awhile, my body taking it all in and his pleasure evident. Harder, fiercer and so deliciously painful. He stops and pulls out to play with my clit again, oh so delicious as he brings me closer yet again, I’m practically screaming my pleasure to the room’s echo.

He stops abruptly and fucks me some more, faster and harder than before, the spanking more rampant, the scratching heavenly. He takes my pony tail again and pulls really hard and I can feel him getting closer to his orgasm. His breathing ragged he takes his pleasure of me. I can feel him come hot and hard in me.

Collapsing I feel content and floaty.

“I’m not going to make you come, slut, so that you can enjoy this feeling”

I want to voice a thank you, but the words don’t come, I’m still moaning and sighing.

“Clean my cock, whore.”

I clean it well and don’t want to let go of it, that sword of pleasure I love so much. But the world continues and Master’s next request is the predictable.

“Go make my coffee please.”

And I obey.

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During last night’s play we were trying out fire wands. Being that I’m very scared of fire I told Master that I was scared, but didn’t express exactly how scary it was. The fire got really hot, but it was still cool to watch and amazed me at how careful he was. Tapping the sensitive flesh was very intense and scary. Through this I commented and directed Master where it hurt and used my hands to rub out alcohol burn sensations. This of course was not right of me. It looked like I didn’t trust him, but that wasn’t the case at all. My heart was pounding, I felt like I would catch fire at any moment (not going to happen with Master around) but I’m sure that was part of the feeling. At one point some alcohol splattered on my inner thigh and lit. For a short moment I panicked and before Master could snuff the flames I jerked, nearly bouncing the wands back into Master’s face and burning him.

That was the end of the scene. I had broken a cardinal rule. I controlled the scene and showed a lack of trust in Master. I did not tell him how scared this made me, I didn’t share that my fear was so great. I ruined what could have been a fantastic experience. We both crashed; he got withdrawn and I got defensive.

During all this we had another discussion. We talked about why other people I had played with prior to Master could take me further than he has been able to. He feels quite angry that he can’t play me like they did. It’s a challenge we need to try to overcome. We talked about the fact that I cry and when he pushes me and when that happens Master stops the play. We’ve never gone past the tears. The reason the others were able to push me further is because the let me cry, they let me get past that stage and move on.

Master has issues with my crying because he feels horrible when I do, like he’s done something wrong and pushed to far. He cares for me so much that my crying, even in scene will turn him to protect me; not to hurt me more. I told him that my crying was a natural progression for the endorphins and the pain. Once I get past the tears I feel more pleasure in the pain, I grow numb and then it’s pleasure.

I don’t know how others interpret pain during a scene and it would be interesting to know who others interpret pain during a play session. It may help Master understand the full range of emotions and sensations. I know I’m a giggler and I know I have to cry to push myself. I know I get quiet when the pain numbs and then I feel only pleasure as I move past it.

And so, last night we played again. He wanted to see me get past the tears, he wanted to know that I can go beyond. We did.He used the clover clamps that always make me cry and he attached them to my pussy lips and to my nipples, and then attached them together and to the bench at the foot of the bed. Every so often he would push the bend a touch further, pulling the ropes. The pain was intense, at times very severe. I did cry. I got past the crying and it was good.

We reached a milestone last night and I can hope that this means we can continue though another level and our relationship can increase, our play become more fulfilling and our love deepen.

–luna

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He handed me a couple ear plugs and explained that not only was I going to be tied to the bed using our new tie down points, but I was going to be thrown into sensory deprivation. He secured thatdamngag in my mouth and then blindfolded me. I began to sink into myself as the sounds of my breathing were the only thing I could hear.

He helped me into the middle of the bed and stretched my hands to the upper corners. I could feel the rope wrapping around my braces. I was sure he’d be careful but I also wanted to be careful myself. I knew that I could not pull on them even if I wanted to. He tied them quite tightly, but made sure that I couldn’t twist my wrists the wrong way.

With shock I nearly jumped when he slapped my breasts, feeling them bounce up and down as he batted them in his hands. He sucked on my nipples, nibbling them. I see-sawed between that sinking feeling and gasping for air. He made sure that I didn’t go far. Down my legs he spread them really wide and went to work tying my thighs up high and then my feet down low. I couldn’t tug on them at all. I was exposed and getting chilled.

His fingers caressed me again, this time on my inner thighs. He pinched and pulled, slapped and tugged on my inner thighs, moving up to my fat pussy and did the same thing. Teasing and pinching the lips, flicking my clit and plundering my hole. It was feeling so good, and I was fighting the urge to struggle in the rope. I didn’t want to hurt myself and ruin it.

The next thing I felt was the octocrop on my inner thighs and then my pussy mound. I was wincing and shivering in the pain. It was good and bad. I wanted to float but the sting feeling was yanking me back into the here and now. I enjoyed the slapping, I enjoyed his hands on me, torturing me and teasing me.

Then the sensations changed. He got more sensual and sexually aggressive. I could feel the bed moving and knew he was stroking himself while he played with me. His fingers danced all over my pussy, teasing and stroking the pleasure centers he knew would make me tremble. It felt so good.

He leaned down and his tongue teased my clit, the warm wetness of his mouth on my pink bits was wonderful. I love that he knows exactly how I like it, the pressure is just right, the soft teasing drives me wild. He sunk his finger into my pussy while he licked me. I wanted to get out of my ropes so badly. I wanted to grab his head and press it into my pussy. I needed to buck against him.

The dark, heavy sounds of my breathing drummed in my ears. The trembling I could feel beginning in my toes was so good. And Master was so good at the ebb and flow. He’d bring me so close to the edge and then backing off. I thought for awhile that he’d never let me come.

And then something dawned on me. I was gagged. How was I going to ask to come? Would grunting work, should I assume that I was allowed to if I could tell that this was his goal?

He moved up to my chest and continued stroking himself. I could tell he was getting close. I wanted so bad to feel him, I arched as best I could, closer to him. I could feel his come hit my breasts and belly. It turned me on knowing that he was marking his territory so to speak.

He dived back down on me, working more aggressively and I trembled and shook, I bucked as much as I could and finally I just let the sensation overtake me. I came, I came hard and all was good.

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