BDSM is Love » iron gate

Not experienced enough

lunaKM — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 04:06:33 +0000

People on Fetlife are judging me without even knowing me. Okay so I’ve not had 20 years of BDSM experience but the viewpoints and opinions I do have can help people. The people say that since I don’t have a degree in therapy or haven’t yet had classes in lifecoaching that I shouldn’t try to be a mentor to submissives. And yet I see it all the time.

I asked for people to give me their input into having online courses that people would pay a small fee to access. Practically a resounding hell no, why would we pay for something we can get for free? Um, people do it all the time.

I’m looking to start a life coach business attached to Submissive Guide but let me tell you that all the crap I’ve heard today makes me want to not do that. I don’t know why I let people get to me and Master says I need to not take things so personally. I just do, that’s the way I am.

So, 5 years of intense, immersed living doesn’t graduate me out of novice status into a more experienced role. *sigh* BDSM isn’t rocket science, you don’t need a degree to be a good listener and be able to communicate your thoughts well.

Submissive Guide has grown to be twice as large as The Iron Gate and even larger still than this blog. People are reading it and enjoying it. I just want to turn it into a business. I’m so irked at how people judge without thinking.

Am I really not ‘qualified’ to help submissives fresher on the path than I am?

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Needing Play

lunaKM — Fri, 15 May 2009 20:19:39 +0000

I’m hungry. It’s been quite a while since Master and I played more than just a little bondage or pain during sex. I am really craving an intense session. Master is more than willing to comply so I’m sure that it will be in my near future. The fantasy that I wrote about last week about the bag over my head is an actual event that will happen this weeknd too. I’m hoping that come Monday I’m recovering from play and sex and sensory overload.

It’s a myth that people who life 24/7 get to play and do play whenever they want to. I think Master and I average about once a month or so with an intense scene. Casual players actually get more than we do, but as far as role dynamics I’m certain that we have a lot of that. 24/7 does exist in this home and while so many believe that it doesn’t exist I find it hard to believe it wouldn’t.

Take for example husband and wife. Do you ever stop being one or the other without a divorce? Of course not. I feel it is the same for D/s. I’ve been spending a bit more time on FetLife since my decrease in activity. I’ve not participated a lot because there seems to be a lot of bickering and close-mindedness. I’m irked by it.

I’m in a group called Masters and slaves and while I don’t identify as a slave I feel the most… comfortable in there. At least most of the time. The other relationship oriented groups don’t seem to talk much about the actual relationship and focus more on the play. Really I could talk play stuff till I’m blue in the face, things don’t change there. Safety is rehashed over and over and the same questions are asked. Ugh.

I’d love to withdraw completely from some networks, but I know that they are vital for my budding Submissive Guide. I learn what novices are asking and try to address them in a timely manner. I have to have an endless supply of conversational topics in order to build value in my site. It’s what I care most about right now. It’s my work. Iron Gate may go through an evolution in the future too. It’s not being used the way I want it to be. Master had an excellent idea, now if I can find a CMS to implement it.

I see I got into a tangent. Oh well. Hopefully next week I’ll have some hot stories to tell and a HNT or two to share as well.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Going on a Diet

lunaKM — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:53:17 +0000

Not just the same ole’ diet I’ve been trying for years; that’s getting boring and while I do intend to lose weight and work hard at exercising, that’s not the diet I’m talking about.

In a previous post, BootPig commented about finding my focus, and making sure I have the right things in the front of my mind. My submission to Master and learning to be a stay at home submissive. While in our life this also means time to work on Submissive Guide and The Iron Gate, lately these online activities have taken the bulk of my time. I have had some inspiration from a guest post on Twitip.com about Going on a Twitter Diet. I’m not sure how well I’ll do it, but just like any diet there will be difficult points, I may cheat and in the end I will be a better person for it.

My first goal is to weed out my RSS reader of blogs I don’t read. My habit has been to add the newly discovered blogs every month to my reader, then only to find that after a few months or so I have about 10 blogs that just sit in the unread list and because I’m a fan of a clear list, I just mark them read. No more. If I am not interested in reading them and they sit more than a week with unread posts, they go bye bye. Currently I have over 300 blogs in my reader. I regularly follow maybe 20 of them. Others I like so I know they won’t go, but I can tell you there are blogs there that I’ve not read for months. Cleaning we go.

Next I’m going to take a look at my twitter. I’m going to evaluate the 254 people I’m currently following and decide 2 things. Am I following them just to get their notices of new posts? If so, move them to my RSS reader (they then become part of the vetting process mentioned above). Are they services that I can follow in other ways or don’t need to follow at all? Who need to follow Barak Obama now, or CNN news? I can get that information elsewhere. I’m honestly going to pick over every single person that I’m following and decide if they are valuable enough to me to keep in the list. I will be doing this with @lunakm and with @subguide. I’m going to utilize TweetDeck better to sort our the tidbits of information I really enjoy. Starting with links. Then make groups of friends and people of influence. That way I don’t have to feel bad about not reading my entire stream.

Lastly, I’m working on a schedule that will allow me time during the day to work on my websites after my housework is complete. I already have a housework schedule so that won’t need to be made, but making sure I don’t get sidetracked with the websites I’ve put so much work into before I’m done with what Master requires of me will be a bonus for my focus as Master’s submissive.

It’s not going to be easy, this blog is my personal thoughts and feelings and really does help Master see who I am and where I’m struggling so that he can help. I’m sure he’ll want me to continue this and I won’t be stopping it. Just be sure I’ll be living it before I write about it. I’ll make what’s most important to me, top priority. Now on to the diet!

The actual diet diet is starting. I went to the store and bought healthier options of food for both of us. Master is pushing back a bit when I ask him what healthy items he wants for lunch, but he’s going with it. He wants to tone up and I want to lose weight. It’s the same track. Exercise needs to become one of the priorities as Master’s submissive and I know I have time to do it, so that’s what I’ll be doing. I’m aiming for 4 times a week, building to 6. Perhaps I could lose 10% of my weight in 5 months. We’ll see if that goal is too lofty.

–luna

PS: I shut off the Lifestream posts. It’s nice to know what I’m doing, but not necessary to hide all my actual posts in. No more of that!

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

More In-Depth Thoughts

lunaKM — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:20:04 +0000

A few days ago, Master commented about my blog and it’s lack of quality writing, “I preferred it, personally, when I could read your more in-depth thoughts.” Exactly what I was thinking was missing too, and honestly I hadn’t noticed was missing until he pointed it out. I couldn’t think for the life of me what was missing. So, first I removed the silly videos that no one needed to see. You can search for them yourself if you want. Then when I created the Submissive Guide I moved the Thursday Question over there because it seemed to fit that better than this blog. Now what I have left is TMI Tuesday, which is fun, pure and simple, Monday Meditations, which is in depth thoughts and the Slave Training with Miss Abernathy. I think both of these last ones fit the bill for possible in-depth’ness.

Of course, this is when most blogs tend t close down you know. When the posts seem to take on a superficial look to them and the blogger isn’t blogging as introspectively as they used to so they feel the blog is failing. I thought that too when I noticed my stats drop by 50% in the past 6 weeks. “What was I doing differently.” I asked myself over and over. Turns out I wasn’t blogging really, I was just filling the pages with stuff.

In the beginning this blog wasn’t about generating traffic. It was about reflecting on my journey. I’m not doing traveling this path by a long shot so why did I get so weak on thought? Lazy, pure and simple. I do have other website things going on, but The Iron Gate and Sensual Service mostly run themselves. My new veture has taken a bit more time and will take more time than my others to succeed. I can’t neglect this place though, and all of the readers *wave* that I have. I love you all!

I’ve really not taken the time to reflect on how important blogging is to my submission, but I know that it has helped me grow and change. Just reading through the old archives you can see what I used to be and where I am now.

A new year is just dawning and I have so much more to think about and explore.

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Size and Sexuality Study: My Responses

lunaKM — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 12:25:07 +0000

I just wanted to pass on a quick note and let everyone know of The Femmeinist Fucktoy‘s current study on Size and Sexuality. I answered the questions and they currently are posted on her blog..

Here’s what I had to say:

luna[KM] is a 31 year old female who identifies as heterosexual with bi-kinky tendencies. She is owned and collared by KnyghtMare. Her personal blog is BDSM is Love, and she also maintains a number of other websites including The Iron Gate and Sensual Service.

What size is your body?
I weigh 340 lbs, am a pear shape with a large belly apron. My measurements are 54 60 64. I wear a 28/30 US.

How comfortable are you with your body both in general and your body size specifically?
I’m quite comfortable with my body around people I know, but am very sensitive to looks and whispers when out in public and with strangers or new acquaintances.Specifically I don’t like and am very embarrassed by squeezing into theater seats, having to move the tables of booths so that it can accommodate me, or skipping sitting altogether to avoid the embarrassment.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your body and the size of your body changed over time?
I remember as a child being humiliated at my size. I was constantly picked on, and while my friends did enjoy being around me, they always tried to pair me with the fat boys, as if I would only be acceptable around them if I dated within my own body size. As I grew up I realized that my size wasn’t so bad and began dressing as if I was average sized. This included short skirts, tight tops, sleeveless or halters and tried my best to be sexy.

Then I got married and gained over 100 lbs. I felt horrible about how I began to look, no clothing fit me right, I didn’t want to dress sexy any more. Sweats and jeans were common attire. Now that I’m not with him anymore and with my Master he has lifted my body image immensely. He cultured my love of sexy clothing, reminding me that when I wear make-up and do my hair I feel sexier. This has resulted in a new pride in my body size and I’m less uncomfortable going out with him beside me.

How important is sexuality to your life?
Sexuality is very important in my life. I feel the most free when I can express my sexuality openly.

How has your relation with and attitude toward your sexuality changed over time?
I grew up thinking that sex was something you only did with your spouse and it was very hush hush. I thought that the woman didn’t have to enjoy it every time and that as long as the man was happy, the sex was fine.

When my husband and I separated I was exploring sexual freedom. I tried to sleep with anyone who wanted me. It wasn’t a proud moment in my personal history but I learned a lot about myself during that time.

I’m far from that thought now. I love sex and love expressing my beauty to my owner. I’m a flirt and a tease and tend to engage in these tactics at the most frustrating times! He encourages my sexual identity and I thrive in knowing that I’m a sexy woman to him and can light his fire with just a look.

How comfortable are you with expressing yourself and your body sexually?
I’m pretty comfortable expressing myself, although I seem to lock up when put on the spot and asked to ’show how bad I need it.’ It took me several months to be comfortable masturbating in front of my partner and it still causes a skipped beat when asked to do that.

How comfortable is society with the idea of viewing your body as sexual?
Society really isn’t comfortable with people my size having sex at all. Someone my size is more a fascination or fetish rather than an acceptable desire. If I dress sexy I tend to get unappreciative looks from people because in their eyes my body should be covered and hidden. Sexuality isn’t accepted in obese people. It’s like we are lepers or something.

Through answering these questions and/or thinking about your relation to your body and your sexuality, have you noticed any links or similarities between the two? If so, what?
The bigger my body has gotten, the higher sexuality plays a part in my happiness and fulfillment. Of course that could be attributed to my partner’s adoring gaze too.

I encourage everyone to consider answering the questions themselves, even if you don’t want to send the answers to her.

Enjoy!

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Ads on BDSM is Love

lunaKM — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:44:53 +0000

If you visit my site, you may have noticed the square ad in the sidebar. I’m testing an ads system to try to cover some hosting costs for this site (and The Iron Gate). I’d really like to know your input. I have 2 options for ads.

1. The current ad system that shows the ads you see now.It has the ability to generate a small amount of money every month. In the 4 days I’ve had it on the site I’ve made $1.46.

2. A donate box option to try to encourage readers to donate to my website fund. A link to the donator’s site would be given for every donation. I don’t know how well this would do to generate some funds.

Please let me know what you think.

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

HUGE ANNOUNCEMENT

lunaKM — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:20:00 +0000

If you have been reading my blog you know that I’ve been working on revising my parent site, The Iron Gate. Well, the wait is over! I have debuted the site and hope that everyone will come on over and take a look at the new design, new method and the ease of adding your own items to The Iron Gate!

With this new version I have opened the site up to comments from readers, user submitted book ratings and reviews, easy link submission (add your favorites now!), fast quote addition and voting and a simple process to submit your essays, poetry and stories to The Iron Gate!

Take a look at all is available today!

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Becoming Famous?

lunaKM — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:54:00 +0000

I’m getting it a lot more recently. I can’t explain it really. It takes me completely by surprise and I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond. My heart bounds, my pride swells and I blush ruby red. What is it?

I’m being recognized. If not visually, as soon as someone hears my name their eyes light up. “You’re the luna from Iron Gate?! I’ve been reading your blog for X (months/years/forever)!”

I’m flabbergasted, amazed, honored and humbled. I had no intention of being somewhat of a role model, or someone you follow like a soap opera. I even had one girl tell me that she’s trying to live up to my level of submission. Wow. Uh. Okay.

Trying to come to terms with my celebrity is like recovering from an addiction. I’m still in a denial state. There is just no way that I’m popular and that people talk about me at parties or with other submissive friends. Not like I do about kaya, at least. She’s famous. Me? I’m just … here. At some point I’m going to have to stand up and say, “Hi, I’m luna, and I’m a BDSM blog celebrity.”

I wonder what it is about me that so many people read me everyday. Is it because so many people can relate to my story? Is it because long lasting BDSM blogs are rare? Maybe it’s the fact that I try to remain real and tell the whole story, even if it’s not romantic fantasy.

At any level the fact that I’m getting recognized in the local groups I attend makes me somewhat nervous that I’ll be recognized at ShibariCon next year, in which Master and I do intend on making the best weekend of our lives!

I’m running along the lines of what happens if I meet one of the bloggers I read so much of? I mean what about if I meet up with liljgrrl and Daddy? I love reading their blog and ogling the beautiful rope work there. There’s no doubt they will be there, she’s already counting down. Will I treat them like some famous person or who they really are? A couple that enjoys writing about what they do.

In reality, that’s all I am. I’m a person. Master is a person and I share our life on this blog. It may bring me more in the limelight that I ever thought would happen and I will have to be okay with that. I am exhibitionist, but this is a different stage. I could be famous, I’ll learn to take it all in stride.

In the meantime though, I’ll continue to serve my Master as best as I can. Please be sure not to lift me up too high. I’m just like the rest of us.

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Day Off

lunaKM — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 02:29:40 +0000

Yesterday was really nice. I completely miss having friends close enough to just drop by. Seeing Selena and her husband yesterday was wonderful. I’m so glad we get along in any setting we’ve been in so far. The turkey wasn’t half bad either

I’ve been working on the Iron Gate v3.0 today. I’m very happy with how it is coming. I’m hoping that it will be user friendly and invite users to add more to it. There are suggestion and submission pages everywhere, commenting is allowed on essays, poems and stories and I’m hoping that the site will grow even more than it is now. It truly is a labor of love for me. I feel so good to know that people are getting something out of it. I’m still hoping to have it debut this Spring if not sooner. Just wait, it should be fantastic!

I’ve got the rest of my exercise planned for tomorrow morning and then I will have made my goal for this week. I know it’s only $5 at a time, but one day I will be able to say that I saved up for a futon to replace this run down couch! All of my sweat will go into this new piece of furniture. Then I can move on to the next thing on my list. A bed. Ah yes, work to get smaller, so that I can improve my living arrangements. Sounds good to me. It won’t encourage me to reward myself with food which has always been my problem.

Stay tuned for Sunday’s weigh in. I’m on my period but I’m still hoping for a loss. You never know.

On to tonight… Master is getting a cock worshiping that he has been waiting for. I guess I could say I’m in the mood. He’s been really wonderful to me all day even though he’s been working and I just feel so in love with him right now. hope he enjoys it. He’s taking a bath now so that he’s all fresh and clean

I’m hoping to work on Master’s pair of floggers soon. I got a heavy duty utility knife to make cutting a lot easier but I couldn’t find a metal square. I may have to eyeball it this time, yet again. I’d really like to get these done by Christmas so that he can have a fabulous gift and start practicing… woo hoo!

–luna

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Let it all begin

lunaKM — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 01:39:47 +0000

This whole weekend is a celebration for Master and I. We have been together for 3 years and we have grown closer, more intimate and stronger in our roles with one another. It’s a beautiful time.

Lots of sex is promised, as well as bondage, flogging and anything else we can fit in the mix. We are going apple-picking tomorrow with some friends. It should be a fabulous time!

I’ve been working on the new generation of The Iron Gate and I can’t wait to show you all, but not yet. I have so much work to do on it. Maybe this Spring. Master did a bit of code on it that I am not capable of and I have to say it’s really sweet!

Master is taking a bath right now and then I get to give him a blowjob. It’s really amazing how that whole blowjob issue has been a non-issue since I did a lot of thinking and self talk. I only get a hang up on unclean cock. If he’s taken a bath recently then I’m okay and well, he’s okay with doing that too. Sweaty balls funk is just not what gets me going.

OH, and here’s the boobie pic for today. I’m wearing a lacy bustier for Master

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.