BDSM is Love » Writing Assignments

Slave Training #7: Obedience I, first steps toward mindfulness

lunaKM — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 21:48:54 +0000

This lesson is about obedience. Reading the lesson there are a few exercises to do throughout the week. The one is to begin practicing mediation. Here’s the description:

Sit comfortably with your spine straight. You may choose to sit in a chair or cross-legged on teh floor, as long as you can maintain the position for at least twenty minutes. Do not lie down, as this posture encourages drowsiness.

Now, close your eyes, and draw your attention to your breath. Observe how the breath enters your nostrils as you inhale and exits as you exhale. Focus your awareness on the point where the breath enters and exits. If thoughts or feelings surface – and they will – simply return your attention to your breath. Do not judge or follow your thoughts; simply return to the breath. Count ten full breaths (in and out). When you are finished, slowly become aware of your surroundings. When you are ready, open your eyes.

I’m supposed to try this every day for a week. I’m going to try it right now. The direction is that as you persist you will be able to shut out the thoughts that come in. “Most submissives find it very difficult to hold their bodies still for any length of time, but this is a vital skill for a slave.” (Ms Abernathy) Wow I find this to be so true for me! I’m really hoping that the meditation will help me just sit without a lot of fidgeting.

….

Then, for the next activity, which I’m not going to do exactly, requires an alarm watch. I’m supposed to stop every hour and pay attention to my physical posture. I’m supposed to assess my state and correct it so that I’m relaxed. Then restart. Every hour. I think I’m going to try to do something similar to that. I’ll have to coordinate that with Master.

Once I have an inner awareness then I’m to work outwardly. That’s the next lesson.

–luna

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Miss Abernathy’s Next Lesson

lunaKM — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 21:52:51 +0000

I’ve been poked about not doing the lessons anymore. I know I’ve not done a lesson in a month. I swear I’ll get back into them. If you are following along with me, I hope to do the next one this week sometime. Stay tuned! –luna Related posts:Training With Miss Abernathy and Lesson 1: What [...] Related posts:

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Slave Training Lesson #6: Expectations, The Contract

lunaKM — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:21:58 +0000

This lesson is all about writing a training contract between you and your trainer. Since I am doing this alone, the book suggests writing a plan of action or purpose statement. I don’t intend to make it fancy or anything. In fact, I have an idea for a basic one.

I, lunaKM, pledge to carry out the lessons within the Training with Miss Abernathy book in a timely manner and will not perform any of the tasks or activities without full focus and intent.

I will endeavor to learn all that I can about my personal submission so that I can be a better submissive to Master and provide more anticipatory and effortless service to him.

I will work to achieve a high level of order and cleanliness of his home and his submissive so that no matter where he is, he is surrounded by beauty.

I will use what I have learned from my own experiences to help other submissives that may ask for him assistance and will keep a humble attitude when asked for my opinion on these experiences.

I will endeavor to expand my horizons on activities and tasks I may not be completely interested in if I can see a use for them in Master’s home.

What would you put in your statement of purpose if you were carrying out the training?

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Slave Training Lesson #5: Assessing Risk: Your Relationships, Work and Health

lunaKM — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:37:28 +0000

In this lesson I get to learn all about the risks I bring with me into the training program. These are all a part or growth and development.

First, relationships…

Rate your responses to the following statements. Use a scale of 1-10 where 1 means ‘never’ or ‘absolutely not’ and 10 means ‘always’ or most definitely.’

I am most comfortable when in a monogamous relationship. 10
I enjoy feeling helpless or ‘out of control’ sometimes. 4
I am attracted to members of my own gender. 5
I am uncomfortable if I don’t know what my partner is thinking. 8
My family knows about my interest in D/s and they’re all right with it. 5
My friends know about my interest in D/s and their supportive of my choices. 8
If my neighbors found out about my interest in D/s, it wouldn’t bother them in the least. 6
My therapist is comfortable discussing my interest in D/s and seems to know something about consensual BDSM. 0 – I don’t have a therapist.

Work…

Describe your current job. In what ways do you imagine slavehood might affect your work? If your employer or co-workers found out about your interest in D/s, what would most likely be the outcome?

If you quit your job today, where would you stand financially?

In my current job I manage and perform customer service for a company’s printer/copier/scanner fleet. I interact with users through all sorts of medium and help them with printing and copying issues, make sure the printers have basic maintenance and call service on ones I can not repair. I also provide reporting to managers on the printing volumes and use of the machines.

Slavehood affects my work only in how I have learned to interact with people. I’m far more polite than I used to be, I’m more patient with people who are upset and I can think ahead in situations that might require solutions.

If my employer or co-workers found out about my interest in BDSM I think I may be fired. I’m not really sure. It’s not something I want to explore in much depth. My boss thinks he knows me quite well so perhaps I could be okay as long as it ‘didn’t interrupt my work’. I have had co-workers notice my triskeli hanging in my car and came out to tell me they knew what it meant. Quite interesting.

If I quit my job today we’d be struggling to stay afloat somewhat. Master would begin working 40 hour weeks, which he isn’t now and I’d be looking for ways to make money and stay happy in the mean time. I don’t know how I would cope with not working, as I feel a bit helpless when I’m not working.

Lastly, health…

Activity: Acquire a copy of your medical history. Make a list of medications that you use. Date the list and add it to your medical history file. Be sure to update the list as needed.

I need to do this yet. I go back to the Dr in February. I will see if I can get a copy then.

Activity 2: If you have not had a thorough physical for more than 3 years, schedule one.

I had one in June.

Exercise: Answer the following questions in detail and be scrupulously honest. It is vital that your trainer have this information to help maintain your personal safety. If you are without a trainer, consider the implications of your answers. Would a lifestyle change or professional assistance make it easier for you to serve?

Do you have any allergies? Yes, I’m allergic to ivory soap, evergreen and some deodorants, detergents and washing liquids. I’m also allergic to codeine and oxycodone.
Do you have any dietary restrictions? Are you vegetarian or vegan? No, I don’t.
Do you have any chronic illnesses or injuries that trouble you? What sort of treatment do you use? I’m currently battling depression and I have hypothyroidism that causes me to have a drain of energy with even the most basic tasks right now. I’m on synthroid to start to balance that out. I also have a tense left shoulder that restricts how long it can be put under tension.

Do you wear eyeglasses or contact lens? A hearing aid? I wear eyeglasses all the time.
Do you use any drugs (including alcohol and tobacco) recreationally? What and how often? No. I’ve never used anything.
Are you currently struggling with an addiction? No.
Are you aware of any body image issues that trouble you? Of course. I’m quite obese and feel constantly aware of what other people see when they look at me. I hate the discomfort I’m always in when sitting and don’t like to look like I’m stuggling at things that should be easy. I’ll generally ignore my body’s warning and do it anyway to keep from being embarrassed.
Are you clean and/or sober? For how long? Clean.
Are you in recovery from an addiction other than alcohol or drugs? For how long? N/a
Did you suffer any abuse (physical, verbal, psychological, sexual, spiritual..) as a child? Yes, my parents were great at verbal and emotional abuse. My father was physical with me. I grew up with it constantly.
Have you suffered such abuse as an adult? No.
How have you learned to heal these wounds? I’ve conciously erased much of my childhood. I try to recall things and can’t remember much. Pretty much like shutting the door and never looking back.
If you have a history of abuse, can you identify any ‘triggers’ (words, sounds, objects, situations) that might cause you trauma now? Yes, belts, quick sudden unexpected movements, raised voices.
Do you have any history of abusing others? If so, what steps have you taken to change this pattern? No.

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Saying No

lunaKM — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:16:56 +0000

Saying no. This is a difficult essay for me. I assume you wanted me to write about when I say no to sexual things. A lot of the time when I say no, it has reason behind it. The rest of the time, I realize it is excuses. How I feel about saying no is contingent on the reason behind my answer.

Occasion: I am not in the mood. I say no because I’m not in the mood for whatever activity you have requested of me. Usually this is a time that my sexual urges just aren’t present. I feel it is okay for me to say no in this case because I know that you would do the same. I feel just fine saying no when I’m not in the mood.

Occasion: I’m under a lot of stress. I say no because I can’t get past the stressful situation to focus my attention on what you have requested. This happens a lot more than I care to have happen. I do hope that as things level out or get better that my mind will focus less on stressful things and more on my submission work. I feel that when I say no in this state I’m more aggravated that you couldn’t see that I am stressed. I’d like to say that this is a valid reason to say no, but I want to get to the point that this is an excuse and not use it.

Occasion: I just don’t want to. This is an excuse and a half. I don’t have anything good to say about this one. Nothing else holds me back other than I’m just not interested. That is different than not being in the mood. I could be extremely horny during this time and just not want to do whatever it is you have asked of me. I perceive this as a punishable offense.

Occasion: I’m physically grossed out. This generally has to do with something I’m either not comfortable with, afraid of, or in the case of blow jobs, I just don’t like the taste of semen. It can happen during anal sex as well however I think I’m progressing better with that now that enemas aren’t foreplay for that. That was the ultimate gross out. What I can’t decide, is if this is an excuse or a reason. I don’t know if it’s okay to say no, or to just bear it. I get hung up here and this is a time that I feel guilty for saying no. It hurts even more when you show that it’s really affecting you as well. I feel rotten and worthless in these moments and I can’t get over the urge to just say no, even with the self inflicted consequences and your reaction to them.

Occasion: When I know that whatever you have asked will not get me anything in return. I realize this isn’t submissive of me, but I also know that you want me to sexually ferocious and craving more often. I see the only resolution is to “reward” me with more sex for doing something that you wanted, when you know I have an issue with it. At this point in my ‘training’ a Thank you just doesn’t seem enough for me to go on my own merry way and be pleased that I made you happy. I can’t explain it. So I say now because I know that you aren’t going to offer me anything in return.

I know some of these occasions seem greedy. I realize that I am not submissive in the last case at all. But the thing you have to remember is that I’m not fully submissive yet, I am still a normal woman with desires and needs. I do not feel right asking you for things every single time, I like to know that you have my desires at heart as well and can foresee when I might want something.

While I understand that saying no should be a last resort, I don’t feel that it should be taken away. With work between me and you we will work to get these occasions of excuses under control. I know that. I love you and want to make you happy, and myself happy in return.

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Slave Training Lesson #4: Self-Reflective Impulses

lunaKM — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 15:26:14 +0000

The following exercise is to help develop a self-reflective mindset. Write whatever comes to mind first, answers are not carved in stone, and will be analzyed later in training. For now just write.

Exercise: Complete the following sentences.

I imagine myself as a slave being able to…serve Master completely and peacefully with my heart and mind always focused on his happiness because his happiness results in mine.

As a slave, I wouldn’t be allowed to…say no.

The idea that those things would be forbidden makes me feel…scared, intimidated and not ready to gie over that much control.

Just once in my life, I’d like to…wear a size 16.

I definitely would not want to…give up on my weight loss efforts.

In my sexiest private fantasy, I…am the lead in a gang bang with 3 or more black men. Usually it involves DP, or all holes filled at the same time. Just a fuck object.

I have a secret fetish for…trying CBT.

Being in a collar would make me feel…joyful and happy with the right person.

If I were forbidden to have an orgasm for a whole week, I’d…beg profusely when the week was up to have several!

When I masturbate, I often think about…nothing at all really. I’m so focused on how my body is responding and feeling I don’t make time to daydream.

I’d like to learn how to…make candy

Serving my Master or Mistress in public would make me feel…very special. I think part of me would be very horny, but also absolutely wonderful.

My most erotic memory is…the first time Master told me to not talk or make any noise, no moving while he fucked me. My first object space is still special for me.

I first learned about erotic slavehood when…I felt incomplete in my marriage and desired more for my self and sexual self.

My favorite book is…Blindness by Jose Saramago (no I haven’t seen the movie… yet).

My favorite movie is…Memoirs of a Geisha

In my free time, I most often…spend it on this blog! Amazing, right?

The thing I find most attractive in other people is…their smile.

My highest priority in life is…finding a way to not struggle with my submission any more.

Sometimes I doubt I’ll ever be able to…swallow semen without acting like it’s poison.

I think most of my romantic involvements have been…learning experiences and well worth it.

In the past, I was ashamed of…the way my body looks when naked.

I feel I’ve come to terms with…no longer being in my twenties.

If there’s one negative emotion I can’t handle it’s…helplessness.

When a person raises their voices to me, I…get defensive.

The three things I associate with silence are…peace, sadness and absence.

If pressed, I’d identify myself as…needy, high maintenance and annoyingly attention seeking.

The biggest influence on my erotic life has been…my Master.

I’d describe my spiritual life as…private prayer in desperate times.

I believe strongly that…gays should be allowed to marry, abortion should be legal, guns restricted and the US steer further away from church and state together.

I’d fight for the right to…express who I am sexually and openly.

I’ve only ever wanted to…allow my inner child to escape and finally be free.

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Lesson 3: Strengths and Weaknesses

lunaKM — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 16:24:06 +0000

Miss Abernathy’s Slave Training Lesson 3

Exercise:

List 5 things you do very well.

Cooking
Planning
Type
Learn new things quickly
Kiss

List 5 things you don’t now how to do, but would like to learn.

Canning
Sewing
Prostate massage
Formal beverage service
Recycling

List 5 things you are embarrassed about not being able to do well.

Ask to masturbate
Housecleaning
Initiating sex
Stick to a routine
Swallow semen

List 5 things you love to do but would never admit to in public.

Listen to NKOTB
Turned into a sexual object
To be forced to repeat phrases
Watch Master work
??

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Lesson 2: What kind of slave am I?

lunaKM — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:00:26 +0000

Training with Miss Abernathy, Lesson 2

Reading lesson to helps me figure out where my current abilities and talents would take me in slavehood. The exercise was a quiz of sorts

Exercise: Imagine you are a live-in slave, serving your ideal dominant. What would your life be like?

You can do a Quiz Farm type test here, not the same but fun anyway.

You Scored as Cherished slaveYou’re special, your owner loves you. You are their most valuable possession and you likely posses many skills that make you worth more then 5 times your weight in gold.

Cherished slave

85%

Whore Slave

35%

Abuse Slave

30%

Bitchy slave

25%

Servant slave

25%

After I did the test in the book I turns out that I’m more acclimated to being a housekeeper, cook and personal assistant. Makes sense since what I have been drawn to is learning how to take care of the house correctly, cooking yummy foods and making sure that Master has everything he needs organized and together. I have a long way to go if this is the road I take in slavery though.

My ideal life would be full of simple green living. I want to start recycling, keep making dishcloths and canning foods as well as other organizational techniques. I’d like to have a welcoming and tidy home someday. My ideal life would involve me only working part time so that I could maintain the house and home the way I want, and always at Master’s beck and call too. That’s the dream.

Not reality but hey, that’s life. We could possibly someday get to that point where I can live my life like this sometimes. I know Master has expressed liking the idea of having me around more and working less. Time can tell.

That’s it for this week!

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Training With Miss Abernathy and Lesson 1: What is a slave?

lunaKM — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 15:55:38 +0000

One of the books I got from kaya was the Erotic Slavehood book. It is two of Miss Abernathy’s books put together. One of them is Training with Miss Abernathy: a workbook for erotic slaves ans their owners. It’s meant to take at least a year to go through all of the lessons. According to Miss A. she recommends a trainer, but I figure I can do these on my own and with Master’s help if he so desires. It’s all for my betterment, right?

I thought it would be interesting to try to do the lessons and discuss my progress through here. I’ve been meaning to get started on this for almost a month. I don’t know how long it will take me to go through the lessons and activities and the books.

What I do know is that I will make sure to post these in a separate cateogry under ‘Training’ and so anyone can follow along on my quest to finish this workbook. I will try to include the exercise and activity information unless it’s really involving and then I will paraphrase it. You are also welcome to do these activities too on your own journal, blog or right here in the comments section.

So, let’s get to work, shall we?

Lesson 1: What is a slave?

Exercise: Take three slow, deep breaths and clear your mind. JOt down twenty words, phrases, images, or associations that come to mind when you hear the word ‘slave.’ give yoruself no more than two minutes to complete this exercise. Do not think; write. Then look at the list. Surprised? Analyze your answers. There are no wrong answers here.

naked always
no rights
caged
restricted
forced to do things they don’t want to
free in service
content
service
used
Pre Civil War
fear
romanticized
impossible to reach
challenging
aspiring
happy
obedient
interesting
intelligent
kneeling

Well obviously I have good and bad thoughts about word slave. Miss Abernathy explains that slave is used synonymously as submissive in this book, so I have to remember that. I can see how slaves were perceived historically and don’t like to have that connotation attached to it. I can also see good thoughts in consensual slavery and I do hope that I will reach that point where all service for Master makes me happy. Perhaps all of these thoughts is why I’m more comfortable with the term/label submissive rather than slave. I’ll be mentally substituting submissive each time I read slave in this workbook.

Activity: On an index card or other piece of paper, write an affirmation of your right to consent. If you are not familiar or comfortable with the process of composing affirmations, you can use one of these:

I have the unalienable right to consent.
I control my own destiny.
I choose to live a life of right action in service.

Place this sign someplace where you’ll see it several times a day, such as the desk, your bathroom mirror or the refrigerator door. For th next week, each time you see the affirmation, say it to yourself (or out loud).

I choose: I choose to live my life in submission and service to Master.

–luna

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Saying No to Sex Acts

lunaKM — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:57:00 +0000

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