lunaKM

A Slut-Wife Submissive Learning Domestic Slavehood

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Seven Things I’ve Learned about Submission from Dominants

This post is for the Submissive Guide Blog Hop. You can participate too!

7 Things You Have Learned From A Dominant About Submission

Can you think of 7 things you have learned about your submission or submission in general from a Dominant? Why is it important to look to Dominants for insights on ourselves? What makes learning from them different than learning from other submissives?

When I started learning about submission the people who I found first were Dominants. They wanted to talk about D/s or sex or things related to BDSM. Finding submissives to talk to was actually difficult. Listing seven things that I’ve learned from Dominants about my submission or submission in general might be easier if I think back to those first few cautious months.

Learning from Dominants about submission is valuable because they aren’t clouded with beliefs and opinions about their personal submission. They see what you may not be seeing because they are looking at you from the outside.

1. Complete submission is a rare thing. No one can be in complete service all the time. There are life issues and stress that cloud our judgement and can derail our submission. When we are on we are really on though so watch out!

2. Submission in the wrong hands can leave the submissive damaged and broken. I’ve seen this on only in my real life experiences but online as well. We are vulnerable as human beings and allowing someone so deeply into our lives and being mistreated can do tremendous damage.

3. The expectations of my service can change on any given day not just with different Dominants. Master can change his mind, he can demand more of me one day and less on another. It’s his whim I have to adjust to – not mine.

4. What I consider submission others may consider slavery and vise-versa. I’ve talked about how I don’t connect with the label ‘slave’ but that others consider me a slave. It’s that difference of opinion that makes us so wonderful and accepting of variations of submission.

5. I choose to submit every single day; it’s not a natural personality trait. That choice brings about so much joy in my life that it’s not even a question of if I will choose to submit that day but how.

6. Submissives have every ability to be leaders, mentors and persons of great respect. Dominants feel pride in their property. I am a leader in the community and hold great respect from those who know me. Master has admitted to feeling pride for his submissive because of that.

7. My submission is unique but I can still share my story, knowing that it has common threads with other submissives. I once thought that because there are so many submissives out there who would really want to hear my story. After 8 years of blogging I think I’ve proven to myself over and over again that people want to follow my life and progression in service.

March Q&A – 12

LunaKM, I was wondering what Taken in Hand means and how it relates to the BDSM lifestyle?

I’m not really the best person to ask this question since I hardly understand it myself.

What I think I understand about it is it isn’t really a part of the BDSM lifestyle at all. It’s a male-led marriage that has to do with faith and obedience in that faith to your husband. Proponents of the Taken in Hand lifestyle try very hard to remain separate from BDSM. There is some discipline involved but it is more along the lines of a Domestic Discipline relationship.

That’s about all I really know or understand about it.

You might learn more from the website: Taken in Hand.

March Q&A – 11

Master wants me to start wearing make-up, but I have never really worn make-up before. Any tips or tricks on were to start?

I am by far not a make-up guru but I’ll do my best with giving you some tips. Starting to wear makeup can be a daunting task. You see people with so much makeup; foundations and bronzers, eyeshadow palettes, 100′s of lipsticks and blushes. It can get confusing. So, start small. Look in the mirror and pick your favorite facial feature. Is it your eyes, cheeks or lips?  If so, start by learning how to apply makeup to that feature to enhance it. I started with my lips because Master always said he loved red lips.

Then go to Youtube and search for make up tutorials on “easy, simple makeup tutorials.” You’ll find hundreds to watch and try and copy. Don’t worry if you don’t have the same brands of make up that they use, as long as you try to have similar colors you’ll get a similar look. Some people get too hung up on the brands but when you are first starting just get what you can afford.

Practice. Practice when you have time to remove it if it looks funny. You don’t want to try something new and then leave the house looking like a clown! LOL. Trust me though, starting with one feature and then once you are comfortable doing another it will come easier to you.

My favorite Youtube Makeup Guru: MakeupbyTiffanyD

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 10

What is Domestic Servitude?

Domestic servitude is providing domestic services in a D/s dynamic. So, everything that would be considered household chores are under the domestic umbrella. This could also include childcare, budgeting and lawn maintenance. It’s considered servitude or submission when the submissive is the one doing these things at the charge of the Dominant and not by some other unspoken rule of living or by happenstance.

Master commonly jokes that the reason he has a submissive is that he never has to wash dishes. And that’s true. I think he’s done them only a handful of times (when I’m sick) since we got together 7.5 years ago.

Thanks for the question!

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 9

Do you have any tips for good Spring Cleaning? I was asked to clean our bedroom specifically, but I would love to be able to get to the rest of the house after doing that and surprise Him?

I don’t have any honestly. I follow other people’s advice on cleaning since I really don’t love it. danae on Domestic Servitude just reposted her Spring Cleaning lists if that will help you. I also recommend Flylady.net. Those two sites have helped my cleaning tremendously.

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 8

Dear lunaKM,

I will admit I’m a bit young (mid-teen, to be specific) and of course, I am just discovering various ways to explore sexual prowess. And what appeals to me most is the idea of being a submissive on the BDSM scene.

So here’s my question: When is a good time to jump into stuff like this? (I understand I’m too young. I can wait.) And, when did you happen to decide YOU were into submission?

Hi there. It’s okay that you are discovering what makes you unique as far as your sexuality and I would strongly suggest you wait until you are 18 for any offline, face-to-face exploration. I also wouldn’t jump into it. I’d dip a toe here, test the waters there. Learn how to be safe and still enjoy yourself because there are a lot of real dangers to BDSM and meeting people for relationships of any kind.

Realizing I wanted to be submissive took time. I knew from early in my sexual experience (started at 19) I was kinky. I enjoyed being tied up, held down, forced to do things and rough sex. About 2 years into my first marriage I became bored with the sex I was having and wanted more. I stumbled, almost literally, upon a yahoo profile of someone who said they were a Dominant and it intrigued me. I messaged him and we struck up a conversation.

Now, for 2 years I still never really realized I could be submissive; what I did know was that my kinky nature was a lot deeper than I had realized. I don’t think I realized I was submissive and wanted to open up that personality in me until I started attending BDSM groups in 2003. That’s when I realized that what makes me happiest is when I’m submitting. Learning to enhance those personality traits appealed to me greatly and that’s when I started to really identify as submissive and not just a kinky bottom with sub tendencies.

I hope this answered your question!

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 7

What can a single submissive do to further her training by herself in preparation for meeting her future Dom?

There are a lot of things that a single submissive can do to improve themselves and prepare for a life long dream of service to someone.

1. Know what you want and need when it comes to a relationship and yourself. Make sure that when someone asks you what it is you want in a relationship you can tell them without saying, “to serve(submit) to you.” It’s okay to be selfish and want things for yourself, it is your life too after all.

2. Ask a lot of questions of senior, more experienced submissives. You can learn a lot about yourself just by asking the right and wrong questions of others who have been where you are. Read everything you can, remembering to take it all with a grain of salt. None of it is the “Bible truth” and you need to use only what you find appealing and toss the rest.

3. Create a personal protocol for your behavior and learn good habits, removing old negative ones. Include gentlemanners and etiquette; it’s a good skill to have no matter who you are.

4. Work on removing all debt you may have. Clean up your finances and sweep away the cobwebs in your closet. Everyone comes into relationships with baggage, but you can start now by working away some of it so you have less to lay on the table.

5. Serve the community. If you have a drive to serve find a community you can be a part of. This can be the local BDSM community, or a charity, or perhaps volunteer at the local nursing home. Anything that gets you into a position to help others will help feed your submissive need and keep that sub frenzy down.

I hope these ideas help!

–lunaKM

Now until the end of the month I am taking your questions. You can ask me personal questions or general BDSM/kink related ones. Commenting is anonymous or you can send me an email: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

March Q&A – 6

LunaKM, I was just wondering what After-Care is and how it is carried out or performed if you will? Are there different types and such?

I’ve written a bit about aftercare on Submissive Guide to get you started:

Aftercare is the physical and emotional care that follows a play session or scene. It can be as simple as getting water and curling up in a blanket to wound care and crying it out. I compare it to cuddling after sex. Some people need the cuddling, others a cigarette and still others fall straight to sleep. The variety of types of aftercare vary from person to person and session to session.

Not everyone needs the same amount of aftercare and not every Dominant gives aftercare. As part of any good negotiation, aftercare should be discussed so that the responsibilities of it are known ahead of time.

I hope this helps answer your question.

–lunaKM

All this  month I’m taking your personal and general questions. Ask me in a comment anonymously or send me an email: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

March Q&A – 5

how were your rules lay out and what was your thinking on them as well as your master ?

My rules were planned from the beginning. I still have the first file that had 10 rules on it from when Master and I were long distance, online only. Rules are formed as a way to change my behavior, shift my thinking or to please Master.

How each one comes about is a random process. Recently, the rules come from me. I suggest something to Master and he says, “I like that, do it.” And that’s a new rule. That’s how the 3 second rule was started. Other times they come about as a way to change my behavior or habits in a way that pleases Master.

New rules are always hard, but any sort of behavior changes or habit shifts are hard. It’s filled with growing pains and adjustments on both of our part to incorporate it into our lives. They are a necessary part of my submission though as I don’t function well without them.

Once the rule is a habit I don’t even have to think of them anymore. They are just a normal part of who I am and how I interact with the world around me.

I hope that answers your question.

–lunaKM

Remember you still have 2 weeks of March Question month. You can ask me just about anything. Commenting is set to accept anonymous questions and I have moderation turned on so they won’t go live without my approval. You may also email your questions to me: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

March Q&A – 3

LunaKM, I was wondering what Domestic Discipline is and how it fits into the D/s and M/s lifestyle?

Well that depends on who you talk to. The Domestic Discipline (DD) purists will say that it is neither D/s nor M/s. It’s something separate, unique and distinct. Others include themselves in a D/s model.

Most DD relationships are Male-led marriages and have an element of Christianity to them. They uphold a patriarchal style relationship with faith, honor, respect and obedience at its core.  The individuals maintain autonomy and an equal status in the relationship, unlike D/s style relationships.

Many DD relationships have no BDSM element to them. They ascribe to a punishment model that involves spanking and corner time only. Sometimes enemas are in the mix too. Otherwise the sex life is traditional married sex.

A decent blog to read is Learning Domestic Discipline.

There is also a book called Domestic Discipline by Jules Markham
that might give you some more insight. I reviewed it on Submissive Guide a while back also.

–lunaKM

This post is part of March question month. All month long I accept your anonymous questions about myself, my relationship with KnyghtMare and BDSM general topics. Have a question? Comment on a post or send me an email – knyghtmares.luna@gmail.com.