It’s almost shocking how lessons are learned around here. Since I’ve been a stay at home submissive, and now slave I always thought that I did the things I did for Master because they were part of my duties and nothing more. That they didn’t affect me at all.
However today I’m being punished, for what is inconsequential, but he has removed me from service. He doesn’t want me to make his coffee, fix his meals or do any of the things I normally do for him in any given day.
I feel worthless, dejected, devalued. I feel helpless. When I realized this was what today was going to be like I went through a gamut of emotions. Anger was first, but then doubt, frustration, confusion and sadness came in. Now I’m raw depressed. I’m not drawn to do anything but sit or lay about, listless.
He’s paid me no attention, he’s shown me no more care than he would a fly on the wall. And it hurts.
Thus that is my day. I am a shattered cup. I never realized how important it was to me to feel useful and that the service I provide him actually does mean something to me. I’ve never been an “only to please him” slave, but if only he would ask something of me just to please himself. I could feel value again.
Please. Let this trying time end, soon.