These are my short thoughts and ponderings as to what makes me who I am, lifestyle aspects of the community and reflections on myself.
1. What is your favorite scene from a book or movie that evoked a sense of your slavery?
In the movie The Secretary, when Lee is asked to walk home “from now on”. The monologue that she has with herself as she is walking home really hits me with the feeling of my own submission. “It was like he was holding me, walking with me.” She felt a freedom in following the instruction of her boss. I feel that freedom as well when I look at Master and say, “Yes, Master.” and get up to do his bidding.
2. What song or lyric reminds you of your dynamic?
3. What is your favorite quote?
“Be Creative; Invent a Sexual Perversion!” – Graffito
4. What is your favorite form of service?
My favorite form of service has to be sexual service. Not that I don’t mind getting up and making Master coffee in the morning, but I purely love being his slut.
5. Do you have any phobias?
I’m terribly afraid of heights, snakes, most spiders, drowning and car accidents. I’m also afraid of belts, as in using them in a scene because of my past child abuse issues.
6. Do you want to get past your phobias, or accept them and work around your fears?
I’d like to just accept the phobias and work around them. The problem with belts I would like to one day work through. I really don’t like having fears that would withold ideas for play from Master’s use.
7. How do you communicate when you are angry/upset?
When I am angry I get really bitchy. It’s terrible. I want to talk, argue, fight, chew on the little details that made me angry, and that is so bad. Master really gets at me for my attitude when I’m upset.
8. How does your owner expect you to communicate when you are angry/upset?
Master expects me to take my time to cool off before expressing to him or others my anger or unhappiness. I know that he is a quiet, calm man and will punish me if I get all fussy at him for no apparent reason.
9. Do you ever feel ‘pet’like?
I’ve not had an experience yet that I’ve felt ‘pet’ like. Not sure how that is really supposed to be felt anyhow.
10. Do you prefer dogs or cats?
I absolutely love dogs, but I wouldn’t trade my kitties in any timesoon. And there is the minor detail that Master doesn’t like dogs one bit, and there will never be any in the house.
11. Do you prefer ‘sting’ or ‘thud’?
Hmm, I’d have to say a stingy thud. Something like a wooden paddle; it packs a big hit and then damn does the thing sting. I savor that aftersting a bit too much I think.
12. What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over?
Oh God, this is an easy one. It has to be service. I just can’t see how someone could get anything out of making breakfast for their partner, or making sure all needs are met on a basic level all the time. I just find it drole and boring.
13. Do you function better in a structured environment or a ‘go with the flow’ type of environment?
Master says I work best with a ‘go with the flow’ type environment. I can express myself freely that way and adjust my environment to make myself comfortable.
14. When do you feel the most beautiful?
I feel the most beautiful just out of the bath, with my body all glistening, and toweldried. I love the way my skin feels soft and fresh. I feel renewed and find the most peace at that time when I am bathing.
15. When was the last time you cried?
Hmm, would have to be when I caught “The Man in the Iron Mask” on TV for like the 30th time, and watched to the end when D’Artanyun dies. I always cry at sappy movies, any kind of death or sadness.
16. How many M/s dynamics have you been in?
Well, if D/s is also included, since I don’t consider myself a slave, then just the one. And so far, it is perfect.
17. If your current one ended, would you seek to be owned again?
Not sure. I really enjoy playing and I guess that it would take a long time before I needed to be loved again after such a powerful relationship this is building to be would have ended. I think I would play for a bit and then decide if my heart could take another commitment.
18. Were you seeking ownership in any of your dynamics or did it occur as a natural progression?
Actually it was more all of a sudden. We were attracted and then just came out with it one day and decided to give it a try. I will never regret doing so. It has given me my most rewarding relationship ever.
19. Do you make resolutions- at new year’s or any other time of the year?
I did this year: to loose some weight. It’s not going it’s best, but I’m sure everyone has their times of faultering. I’m really struggling with the exercise part, which I’m sure would be the major success in actually burning the calories I need to, to drop the pounds.
20. Do you believe in ‘forever’?
I do believe in forever with all my heart. I know that one day I shall see the end of time and at that moment I shall know we do not end, we only pass on.
Ideally, what are you seeking in a relationship? Has that changed much as you explore your nature, and if so, how?
In my idea for a perfect relationship there are constant adjustments and changes that make things work better, or easier for each other. My hopes for a relationship have changed immensely since I started exploring my submissiveness and becoming active in the lifestyle. Right now, I see a structure that will emplify my position as a submissive, and show a protocol that will make me feel good about myself, and hopefully make my Dominant proud. I have changed my idea of a relationship many times since I began exploring my nature and what I desire in life. At first I thought a very strict life was what I wanted; one that I had very little say about what I was to do or say, how I was to dress and my behavior in every single situation was controlled. Now I feel that I want a more relaxed atmosphere with quite a few rituals and understandings. I want to make my Master proud and to show off my devotion at every moment possible.
Is BDSM a higher level of sexuality? Is it a higher plane of sexual spirituality or is it just an add one fetish to provide a normal vanilla sexual relationship a different outlet to provide a greater physical stimulation?
BDSM to me is not only a higher plane of sexuality, it is a higher plane of a lot of things. I feel full of life, and enriched mentally when in scene, or even when I do something my Master has requested of me. I still struggle with submitting, after years and years of caring for myself. It is in there, I can feel it. I have an internal desire to submit completely, accepting my true self. I never considered BDSM as a fetish. It provides a great deal more than just more physical stimulation. The mind is connected to emotion and I feel so connected with myself, a solid connection with my Master and a desire to lift myself up to a plane of existance that is just Master and I.
The pros of considereing BDSM a higher spirituality is that it gives life and breadth to our lives and our enjoyment of the simple things in life. I enjoy those little moments now, where I sit with Master and feel his touch and gaze upon my skin. BDSM brings me to that part of myself that makes me more connected with myself and my feelings. Granted sometimes that can be a bad thing, but for the most part I am happy.
There are cons with any choice we make. The cons of having a BDSM life is that there has to be some secrecy with most people. Our sexual lives are under scrutiny, law and practiced underground. Another con is that without BDSM I can not be who I am. I find myself, some days,
abolutely lost if I can’t be submissive, talk about what I want to talk about, and do those things that fullfill me.
Describe in your own words what longing is in the lifestyle.What do you long for? What do you seek in it, what do you hope to experience or get to grow from the lifestyle? What are your dereams and desires in the lifestyle?
Longing in the lifestyle is very strong, moreso I believe than in a vanilla relationship because so much is left unsaid and things get too comfortable for either party to communicate new longings or things that aren’t working right. Yelling doesn’t ever get your desires fed. A D/s relationship is much more verbally free, longings should never go unsaid.
As far as what I long for and seek, they are very basic and yet they are the core of my existance. I long to feel a peace within me and a happiness that I can hand over my love and life to another and that person will care for it with the care and devotion, discipline and love that I know I can find with the right person. This peace carries me through my day and will help keep the nightmare’s away at night. It will wash over me in the love and pleasure of playing or loving. It will be as bright as the dawn and just as beautiful as the autumn dusk.
I hope to experience a power within me that lets me relax and give my trust to someone else. I want to experience as much play, protocol, and discipline as possible with an openess of mind and a free spirit. I want to experience a large event like Thunder in the Mountains, I want to be active in the local community and wake it up a bit, bring it to life again. I want to experience strong friendships where I can feel completely comfortable with them and anything goes.
Desires are my heart’s needs and emotions. I desire a commited relationship that helps me grow as a person. I hope I have found the man that will make it happen.
I have talked to many people, met people, and seen many others online. One of the things I’ve seen are subs saying they are “no limit” submissives/slaves. Is there such a thing? How can somone have so little regard for their safety to claim to be this? SUB-I’ve been told that the only good slaves are “no limit” slaves. How can this be? Shouldn’t I have the final say in what I participate in for my own safety and well being. I’ve had Dom(me)s tell me I was worthless to them because i had some to too many limits. Are there such things as “no limit” slaves and subs?
I don’t believe such a submissive / slave exists. When I hear someone say they have no limits, I go straight to asking them if they would mind having thier arm broken, body mutilated
beyond “normal” piercing, branding or cutting, breath play to unconciousness and so forth. These things are extreme yes, but I have heard them happen. Most of the submissives say they wouldn’t like that, thus I remind them that they then have limits. Hell, I’d put bodily harm on my list right at the top!
I have heard that same phrase “the only good (true) slave is a no limit slave. That’s a bunch of bull. First, I don’t believe in “true” anything. You are or are working towards exactly what your
Dominant wants and that makes you a good slave. He/ She picked you not because you are no limits (what’s the fun in that?), but because they enjoy you, want to push you, and find a common bond in some other way. You aren’t worthless, and too many limits is how every
submissive starts. Lord I remember a year ago, I didn’t think I’d let anyone gag me. At the time it was hard limit. now i love it. Things change, you change and if a Dominant can’t see that you are a canvas to be painted on, shaped and beautified with what you already have, then they aren’t worth your time.
Which do you believe is the most important aspect of the following three in a D/s BDSM relationship – TRUST – RESPECT – COMMUNICATION? Do you believe in and practice the three word by code of the lifestyle, SAFE – SANE – CONSENSUAL? And how do you do it?
First, the aspect of D/s and BDSM relationships that I feel is the most important is Trust. In the beginning of a relationship one starts with nothing. You have to build all these aspects if you wish a relationship with someone to last. The foundation of these I believe is communication. I don’t think I’d be as far as I am in my relationship if I didn’t open up and become completely honest with him. Speaking about anything and everything, and receiving the best listening I have ever seen from someone (good listener- wow) has been what gave me the respect for his position that he was hoping to get as my Dominant.
Trust is what will keep my relationship strong. With this trust I know that he and I will continue to communicate as well as we always have and that my respect for him, and his for me will grow as a result. Trust will keep me safe, happy and devoted to him as long as is possible.
SCC: I was taught right away that SCC is important and have worked it into my mindset from the very beginning. Yes I practice it within myself, and would enforce it amongst those that wanted to play with me, if, for some reason, they would slip. This involves only doing thing with play partners that they already know how to do, not taking chances. Establishing boundaries in negociations with the casual player. Remaining aware of the play and communicate. Safe sex, if sex is to be a part of play. Play sane; without drugs, alcohol and strong emotions that could cloud judgement. Consensuality is a part of negociations for specific activities, and also a continuous cycle of communicating wishes.
With my Dominant these things are a part of life, always caring for each other in every sense so that things remain safe and strong. Consensuality was given when I accepted his collar. Safety is always on our mind and sanity is well… sane.
Is there a place for blind faith in the lifestyle? Should it be discouraged?
Blind Faith should be discouraged, in my opinion, at the beginning of relationships and when you are first learning. Blind faith disreguards any trust that is needed in a relationship. Submissives are sometimes asked to trust someone blindly before any trust is devoloped and sometimes dangerously. This often means that a person is asking a submissive/slave to withdraw rational forethought and offer trust without any measure of that trust being earned first.
This type of request can be the first move of a predator. Usually the submissive is new to the lifestyle and may believe that ‘belief’ is mandatory merely upon someone’s word or identification of themselves as a Dominant. They haven’t learned that trust is the foundation of a good relationship.
What seven words would you use to describe yourself?
Hopeful, sexy, creative, loving, unique, dreaming thinker.
What is your favorite thing about the person you serve?
The favorite thing about Master is his ability to know what I am thinking without me saying it. He can just look at me and know. I am taken aback at how close we are, how spiritually conected we are at every moment. I need him to be a part of me and he is that hidden inner part that knows my thoughts and can sense my feelings. This is my favorite thing about my Master.
What, in your eyes, makes a person submissive?
A submissive is a man or woman that for whatever reason chooses to follow the directions, adjust to behavior modifications and submit to the power of another. These things can include but are not limited to sexual submission, domestic service, platonic recession of power, work
environment with a power exchange, limiting the control to one or select few, or voluntary slavery and servitude. Every submissive has chosen to be one or more of these things.
Sexual submission is the most commonly talked about on message boards, munch discussions, IRC-Chat, and between people everywhere. One can be a sexual submissive and not be in the D/s lifestyle. Whenever the control of sexual activities is given over to the other you are submitting yourself to the power of another. Within the BDSM context that could also include scenes, play, bondage, whipping or various other activities. Sexual submission is a big fantasy amidst vanilla
men and some women.
In our patriachal society submission is most emphasized as a woman\’s trait, and was bred into them for many many centuries until feminism was able to grab ahold of the modern public. This form of submission is rooted in domestic service and platonic submission. Women were to be seen and not heard, keep the hearth warm and the house clean and always aide in the success and wellbeing of her HOH (head of household) husband. In D/s domestic service is polished and ritualized or relaxed and commonplace. It can be a part of the agreement that relationships carry, or it can be the common sense activites that go on to care for house and home. Platonic submission is the deferment of control to anyone outside the relationship and includes common respect and courtesy given in public situations, kindness to strangers and polite attitudes towards others. Most of the time these are enhanced in a D/s dynamic to be primarily a submissive trait.
Within the work environment, people that choose to be submissive commonly choose jobs where they follow rather than lead and is iconized in the CEO / secretary position. Not all submissives choose submissive work environments, but those that do not know the are submissive may select these as they feel most comfortable under the control of another. The workplace submissive is just another revelation of the prefemenist movements of putting a woman below a man in social situations.
A submissive can choose who they will submit to. This is most commonly accorded to negotiations, personal preferences and desires. A submissive establishes limits and lines that the Dominant / Dominants can not cross. With the trust established between the dynamic partners a submissive can then submit to this person or people for which the “contract” was placed. There are no submissives that elect to submit carelessly without regard for his or her own safety. So-called submissives that submit without this protection of self are dangerous and do not deserve the title of submissive.
Voluntary slavery and servitude is the most extreme of submission. This is where the submissive has choosen to become property, without limits, rules or hinderances against the Dominant. Free will is practically defered to the Dominant in these situations. You can not be a slave without a Master. One can not submit in these situations without anyone to submit to. Also, all slaves are submissive, however not all submissives are or can be slaves. Progression to slave status is slow yet rewarding and not everyone can reach this point. Complete desire of a slave is to feed and nurture the desires and whims of the Dominant.
What, in your eyes, makes a person Dominant?
A Dominant carries specific qualities for me that express who he is to the submissive and to the community. These qualities are those that I look for in any person that says they are Dominant.
The first one of importance to me is self control. A Dominant shouldn’t upset easily and should show a managed and easy temperment. To me it is a comforting effect to know that this person can handle themselves and their emotions well. I know that they are not quick to punish, irrational, nor harsh. A submissive under a person’s domain that has emotional issues, as we all do at certain times, will be cared for with gentle firm reassurance and guidance.
A Dominant will have heart. This means that they show compassion, honesty, sensitivity and patience. They are human after all. Dominants who can express themselves well and show they are emotional beings as well rank high on my list of those that I respect. A Dominant that can care for the weakest and smallest among us in humility shows a strength of mind that can bring a submissive to awe.
Something always stressed in this lifestyle is also considered an important trait for Dominants. This is communication. Not only the ability to talk, but initiate communication with their partner and provide knowledge, share feelings, and add reassurance to any situation. As a submissive, being able to say anything to your partner within open communication lines is paramount.
Trustworthiness is the cornerstone of a Dominant. If you can not develop trust with partners, within the community and others it is hard to be taken seriously at face value and earn the respect that Doiminants so treasure in the scene. The comfort that a submissive receives from placing his or her trust in a Dominant helps solidify their feelings. If s/he knows that this trust will be protected through the previous qualities mentioned s/he would continue to strive to please. In turn they will grow.
A Dominant should have the ability to foresee what may or may not happen and then prepare for it thoroughly. They should also know to research and learn about an aspect of play before attempting it themselves. A Dominant needs to be able to watch their submissive for signs of bad habits, or destructive behavior then find a way to curb it effectively and completely.
Lastly a Dominant should be creative. A Dominant that has no creativity would soon become boring and predicable. If the submissive can expect and know just how the Dominant would respond it works against the submissive’s training. It provides and outlet for bad
behavior and unruly control. Play should always be varied and different, even slightly to provide excitement both for the Dominant and the submissive.
Also, a Dominant should have the desire to control, the desire to work with the submissive through everything that may be thrown at them, and a physical or emotional desire for the person they are working with. Without this, the other qualities would be mute.
Do you think the title that you carry in the scene should be earned or given? By title I mean Mistress or Master. As sub/slave would you call someone you have met for the first time, Master/Mistress or Sir or Ma’am?
Often have I met people who introduce themselves as Master so-and-so or Mistress higherup. This title should be earned and / or given in my perception. It can be earned by the person through service and activeness in the community. He or she has earned social respect and thus has earned the title Master / Mistress. It can be given only by one person, and that is the one or more for poly families serving them. They are given this name as a sign of ownership / control / love or a number of other internal relationship reasons. The few I know as Master so-and-so have earned it via the community. They hold high reguard from most everyone there. The newer members who may come in thinking that their title is special soon realize the difference and have changed their names accordingly. I am unsure how they sense that selftitling is an unspoken rule here. I didn’t even pick up on it till I talked with someone about the name change of another.
Something about titles and names; to me a title must be felt. If you feel respect and honor for someone they have earned a title. It does not always mean they get Master / Mistress, but you have a higher up feeling when conversing or talking about them. It’s a part of earning that title. A name is just that. Someone has offered their name to you. It’s a name they most likely chose. If it has a title in front of it, so be it. That’s what they like. They aren’t forcing you to use
it, but then I’m not forcing anyone to call me luna, Luna, or my real name. I’m fine with someone calling me girl, Ma’am, Mrs..”". These to me are all names.
I would call someone at first meeting Sir or Ma’am. It is just common curteousy. I was taught if you are polite, they will be polite back. The other reason I would call them Sir / Ma’am is because I was told to by my Master. He says it isn’t to give them respect, although they see it that way, but for me to remember my place as his submissive I am to regard everyone that I know to define themselves as Dominant by Sir or Ma’am. Just because we are in the scene doesn’t mean that now
that Sir and Ma’am have different denotations, they shouldn’t be used. However who am I to judge if when presented with Mistress higherup, that she didn’t earn that title before I met her? I would still call her Ma’am, but in circles her entire name would be used.
Another challenge now that the internet is high breeding ground for new people, and some are out there exploring real life scene, you find a lot of names that may already have the title attached, just becuase they continue to use that nick offline. To me this is just fine. It’s a name, just a name.
Final suggestion, use what you are comfortable with. If you are comfortable saying hello Master so-and-so at first meeting, then do it. They wouldn’t and shouldn’t take offence if you just said hello Sir, or hello so-and-so (respecting still their choice in name).
(Switch friend’s comments)
“The reason I ask this is I watch an aqaintance play with a female dominant for the first time. I sat and watched him calling her Mistress. After they were done playing, I walked up to him and asked “Is she your Mistress?”
His answer was “That has yet to be decided.”
My next question was “Then why were you calling her Mistress?”
His answer was “Because she told me too.”
To me this is not a good reason to call a female or male dominant, Master or Mistress. To me as sub I believe that they should earn that title, prove to me or any sub that you are truly deserving of such a title. I have ran into to many that call themselves Master/Mistress and they know nothing about the lifestyle.”
The scene you described goes on a lot in my understanding. It is difficult to judge. Perhaps the sub asked what to call her during the scene and she said Mistress. I feel for a play session, that is fine. It will help define roles for both, perhaps help them with their headspace and make it a mental switch for the sub: more like a reminder of who they have chosen to be in charge of their being for the next 15, 20, 30 mins. If the title is continued outside of play, then I would begin to wonder if the sub feels for the lady, thus giving them that feeling title discussed above, or he has to have permission to stop calling her Mistress. (which would seem odd, but I’ve seen it)
To those that are either ignorant or new to the lifestyle, as I said earlier, it is just their name. Granted the person may not realize the importance of having a title and so has given themselves one to feel bigger than they are. I would in that case, treat it as a name, use it when the occasion arose to use his name, ie, to get his attention, and then use Sir once communication is established.
There is my view.
When are you most aware of being owned/submissive?
Seriously this is going to sound like an odd time to feel submissive, but it’s when I shave. I am removing all body hair (and I mean all) so that I am not covered at all from Master’s glance. I try to think back to the last time I got lazy enough to not shave at all for awhile, or what my pussy really looks like with hair on it. I can’t remember. And I don’t really care. When I am shaving, it has become a ritual to shave in a certain order so that no part of my body is overlooked. It is the time I let my mind wander to the image of my Master touching my soft smooth skin, or using me for his pleasure. It is me standing or sitting next to him, knowing that nothing is barring his vision of the one that serves him. This is when I feel most submissive, this ritual of shaving.
What pet names does your owner have for you and do you respond differently to different forms of address?
Master’s pet names for me in order of my favorites are:
- Slut – He uses this when we are being so nasty and hyper sexual. It drives me wild to know that I am his little slut and it will put me in a mindset on most occasions to do just about anything to satisfy his desires.
- Baby – When he calls me baby he’s in a very cuddly mood and I love it when he is affectionate. He blows kisses to me alot and licks his lips provocatively when he’s in this mood. He knows that when he calls me baby I will smile, and it never fails.
- His girl – This one has to be the one that makes my knees week. It is so possessive and strong. He calls me his girl when he wants to remind me of his control over me. He also uses this term most often when he is around other Dominants.
- Jennifer – This name, my real name (take note), gets used when he is upset with me, I’m being naughty, or he needs to drive home a point. I actually cringe when he resorts to this instead of calling me hon, love, sweetie, baby or any other name.