I can’t stop thinking of him as Master.

I can’t stop thinking of him as Master. He’s been Master for over a decade and my goal is to eventually wear his collar again. So in the interim, I can’t call him Master but in my heart, I still say it, think it and believe it. While he no longer gives me directions, I still love every request he makes of me. If I can’t call myself his slave, then I will adapt and use what I can to be the best damned submissive wife ever.

It’s been awhile. Things aren’t as painful but I still find myself crying in the dark, wondering how and why I changed so much and just what I can do to make things right again. It’s quite clear I’ve changed in ways that are toxic to him and to me. I’ve spent the last month reflecting on them, trying to figure out the underlying cause so that I can change yet again. Hopefully, this time, in a more positive, healthy direction.

It’s not easy to see what you want in the distance and know there’s a canyon in between you. And you have to build your own bridge to span it. How do you start? What risks will you take? Just how long will what you want, wait for you on the other side?



  1. Sapphire Rose’s avatar

    First, you make a plan. What will your bridge look like? What will it be made of? How wide will it be? How long does it need to be? Will it be a fancy bridge or a simple one? Will it have a walkway on the sides for people or bikes or cars in the middle or will it be for foot traffic only? Will there be decorations on the bridge? Flowers? Places to sit and admire the view?

    Then, you make a plan for the plan. What things do you need to build your bridge?

    Then, you collect the things. As you collect, you start building.

  2. MayaBee’s avatar

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. Have you been able to talk with him about things? Is there still a chance at getting your collar back? Have you thought about marriage or individual therapy? I wish you the best.

  3. SilverLilly’s avatar

    Thinking of you

  4. Bleue’s avatar

    This is so tough, I’m sorry you are hurting.

  5. blossom’s avatar

    am so so sorry you are going through such a difficult time…one really hopes you both can work things out….hugs

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