I can’t stop thinking of him as Master. He’s been Master for over a decade and my goal is to eventually wear his collar again. So in the interim, I can’t call him Master but in my heart, I still say it, think it and believe it. While he no longer gives me directions, I still love every request he makes of me. If I can’t call myself his slave, then I will adapt and use what I can to be the best damned submissive wife ever.

It’s been awhile. Things aren’t as painful but I still find myself crying in the dark, wondering how and why I changed so much and just what I can do to make things right again. It’s quite clear I’ve changed in ways that are toxic to him and to me. I’ve spent the last month reflecting on them, trying to figure out the underlying cause so that I can change yet again. Hopefully, this time, in a more positive, healthy direction.

It’s not easy to see what you want in the distance and know there’s a canyon in between you. And you have to build your own bridge to span it. How do you start? What risks will you take? Just how long will what you want, wait for you on the other side?

–lunaKM