Striving to be a “low maintenance” slave is an admirable goal, and one way to achieve this goal is to minimize the number of complaints you make to your Owner. Keep in mind, however, that some concerns are legitimate and need to be addressed as soon as possible. A good rule of thumb to follow is to ask yourself, “Will this bother me tomorrow?” If the answer is no, then you should let it drop. If the answer is yes, then you have an obligation to discuss the situation with your Owner rather than harbor a resentment that will create a barrier to the trust you have built together.  — Where I am Led by Christina Parker

I spent years resenting Master for something he said to be. It was a truth that I wasn’t ready to face and was really hurt when he said it. This is really hard to talk about because now that I know how much of a horrible human being I was to the man I love I feel humiliated, embarrassed and sad. Our relationship is still on tenderhooks but I do hope, genuinely, that I can repair the damage I did to our relationship.

What did he say? He said that I was getting too fat for him to find me sexually desirable.  Let’s face it, I had gained far too much weight and am still struggling with it. How much is too much? When Master met me I weighed around 255lbs. When he said that I weighed 340 lbs. I don’t know why I thought that gaining that much weight would be okay? He was being honest with me. Instead of taking the statement and doing something about it, I let it fester. In that festering, I gained more weight. Today I weigh just under 360.

I didn’t bring my issues with Master about what he said to him. Instead, I lashed out at him. I began being really unsubmissive, nonwifey. I became more passive aggressive, I argued about everything, refused to submit for stupid reasons. Our relationship turned toxic and I blamed Master’s other relationships as the only cause.  Yet I am to blame for a large part of where we are currently.

I have done a lot of journaling privately about how I feel and why I did what I did. I’ve apologized several times to Master. He’s working through his own emotions so eventually I think he’ll be ready to consider repairing our relationship and learning to trust me again. Until then, I just have to show him that I can be the person he fell in love with and chose to make his wife. And it’s important to me to do anything I can to change who I need to be and re-embrace the submissive mindset that brings about so much joy in me.