A common mistake made by many slaves is the assumption that giving up control also means giving up responsibility. No matter what the situation, a slave shares equal responsibility for any consequences – either good or bad – that occur as a result of consensual activities. — Where I am Led by Christina Parker

When I first started my journey in submission, I really did believe that becoming submissive I would be able to surrender my responsibilities and let someone else make these decisions for me. I still hear that idea talked about in submissive forums I’m in. “Being submissive means I don’t have to make decisions.” “Being a slave means someone else does all the adulting.” And it makes some sense. Submissives submit to their Dominant’s wishes and often that means surrendering some decision making. But in all of these cases, I’ve seen submissives also give up responsibility for what happens when you do that.

But this isn’t about other submissives, this is about how I am responding to the prompt. I admit that I’ve let the idea of being submissive get too sloppy and I’ve gotten lazy. Being submissive is an active role in a D/s relationship and I’ve let that slip. It’s a large part of why KnyghtMare and I are having issues now and I’ve finally accepted the consequences of my role in the state of the relationship. We are around rock bottom and still clinging to each other in hopes of recovering what we had.

I’ve done a lot of writing and mental work to try and correct my thought processes and I feel I’ve made some progress. I’m not proud of what I’ve done to KnyghtMare. I’ve spent years resenting something he said to me that was the truth, but nonetheless, I let it eat away at me instead of doing anything about it. Well, now I need to face the fact that a lot of the misery that KnyghtMare is currently in is my fault and it will take time and my correcting my behavior to make it work right.

What am I doing? I’m proving to KnyghtMare that I can be the slave he needs and wants in his life. I’m showing him that the woman he loved and married is still in here somewhere and I’m serious about making amends. I hope, one day, he’ll see these changes. He’s still a broken man after the breakup with Kiva. Love is a hard thing to reconcile when it’s over. I don’t care who you are, it takes time to learn how to move on.

This is still the start of our recovery.

–lunaKM