March Question Month: KnyghtMare Expressing Himself Publicly: ie. Breakup

I am wondering how you deal with such a public breakup and, frankly, watching your master melt down in public forums. I’m also in a poly relationship and have been on both sides of breakups, and though most of them have gone great, I ended up ultimately leaving the one partner of mine who displayed similar behavior, as I lost a lot of respect for him as a dominant and was upset that he allowed other relationships to negatively impact me so much. While I appreciate that everyone needs time to heal and that doms aren’t made of ice, watching my partner ooze self pity and anger like a sixteen year old while obsessing over another man was too much for me. I wonder, watching you deal so gracefully, what skills you employ in your relationship that I did not have.

 

Express himself in public…. you mean like I do on this very public blog; airing dirty laundry and all the crap that goes on in my life on here? You mean he’s not allowed to do that in his own public place on FetLife? Say it isn’t so!

It’s not a matter of grace at all. I’m glad he has an outlet that appears to be working for him. My blog used to do that too until I got tired of all the negativity in my comments section. He’s not just melting down on public forums, he’s a basketcase some days here at home. I take care of him the best way I know how; I support him and love him and make sure he feels cared for.

D/s has nothing to do with how people handle the end of relationships where they felt very deeply for someone. We all process grief in our own way. I’m not going to lose my respect for him if he needs to talk things out online, play a ton of first-person shooters, or spend hours in his room crying. It’s how he’s learning to deal with his new reality. My duty as his wife is to make sure he knows I’m there for him, whatever he might need.

–lunaKM

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