March 2016

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What are you favourite parts to your dynamic?

I have a lot of favorites. I love that I take care of Master so that he doesn’t have to worry about things. I love that I feel so taken care of and secure in his love. I enjoy submitting, very much.

I love the rules I have and the structure it affords me.

I enjoy the protocol and ritual we have established.

I love the kinky fuckery.

There isn’t a whole lot I can think of that I don’t like, honestly. If I did then I’d have to say maybe this life isn’t for me. So, yeah. I feel pretty darned lucky.


Hi Luna! Thanks for answering questions this month! I’ve followed you a long time, and I really enjoy reading about your journey. Here are my questions:

How does it feel to be known as a guru in the community? Do you feel happy and proud that you have put together a format that allows you to educate the masses, and do you ever feel stressed about your Submissive Guide work?

It can go to my head, that’s for sure. I’ve been known to be humble but also very obviously proud of my work. It was never always going to be that way. Submissive
Guide started as just a site where I could write my opinions down about BDSM and D/s. But when I realized how in love I was with writing and the response I was getting I found my new passion in life.

And since it is now my part time job it definitely gives me stress. But I’d rather have this stress than working away from home doing something I’m not really interested in.

Do you find that when you look good, you feel good, and vice versa? From a personal standpoint I know that when I am dressed up and made up I feel like I can take on the world, and when I’m feeling low the make up and pretty clothes are the first thing to go. Have you ever gotten through a funk by taking extra care with your personal appearance, and did it work for you?

Yup and it’s something I’ve known since high school. I always dressed up for exams and feel good when I’m dressing nicely. Getting though a funk this way? Nope, not yet. But maybe it will help with my current one.

Finally, do you feel that your blog brings more positivity to your life, or do you feel that it’s a source of negativity? I know you were having a rough time with bullies and trolls a while back, and I hated to see nasty people infringing on an area that should be a source of centering and solace.

This blog no longer brings me the joy and security it once did. I keep it open and write in it occasionally. But I won’t use it the way I used to. I have a physical journal for that, that even Master doesn’t read.  So unfortunately for those that follow to learn my inner thoughts, they will be sorely lacking here.


You’ve posted before that the TPE part of your relationship has ended, however, you still identify as slave. What are the changes/differences that exist between the TPE dynamic and the Master/slave dynamic?

I was a slave before KnyghtMare and I discussed trying TPE and I’ll continue to identify as a slave. I feel that an M/s relationship is about authority exchange not just power like D/s relationships. KnyghtMare is the authority in the relationship and my duty is to obey. I’m far from perfect so this is always the goal. The key difference that I see with M/s and a TPE sort of relationship is that as a slave in an M/s relationship I still have a bit of wiggle room and an ability to express concern, question and even ask for a reason before I obey. In a TPE arrangement, such as the one we tried and discarded, was complete authority. What KnyghtMare said was law. I could not question or hesitate. It was obey or be punished. I had no limits, other than his and my safeword was for physical issues only. I pretty much had a much more rigid structure to my day, the expectations he had for me were higher and he was far less gentle in his orders.

I had another question! I saw when you answered Alexis’ question about moving that you are moving in July. How does it make you feel that the poly relationships (or was it just the one relationship?) is causing you to move to new cities? How do you feel about the whole notion of moving?

Well, when it comes to picking up my life and home to cater to KnyghtMare’s other relationships I do get a bit bent out of shape. Especially when I bring up my preferences for where we live and he emphasizes that it might be too far away from his other girl. I feel like my preferences get lost, but he’s listened to them anyway and says he’ll take them into account when we begin looking at places in the area.  When we moved here to be closer to froggy I wasn’t thrilled. I never liked this area of the state and I’ve continued my dislike of the area the whole time we’ve been here (almost 2 years now). The apartment is lovely, but too expensive for our budget and it’s starting to show. Food and other expenses here are also more expensive than where we once lived so I’ll actually be relieved to move from this place if we can find somewhere more in our budget.

So, unlike moving here, I’m looking forward to moving. Not the actual moving process, no one likes that, but to get out of this place that I’ve never made my home and try my hopes elsewhere. I’m worried that since our budget is so tight that the moving will be harder this time around. And we have 3 cats now. It’s hard enough to find places to take 1 cat, but 3? I don’t know how we’ll manage it but we have to. To help us with the moving process I’m being far more strict with trimming down and removing things from the house that we don’t need. Anything that never got unpacked may not make the trip to the next place and other things I know we’ve not used will go to thrift as well.

One thing I hate about preparing to move is looking for boxes. Last time we moved we were fortunate enough that I purchased boxes from UHaul. I know it’s extravagant but we won’t be doing that this time and I’ll have to go begging for boxes from where-ever I can get them. I’ve started searching Craigslist for people trying to unload boxes near here that I could go get. I really do hate looking for boxes.


I’m continuing March question month!


Have you found it any easier to process being in a mono-poly relationship?

Not really. The most stress and depression I go through now has to do with my inability to understand things from a poly perspective. Master is an extremely patient person and he’s so very helpful sharing his thought process and how things work in his head. But so many times I’m dealing with jealousy and selfishness and possessive behaviors.  The more time that passes it does bother me less, but the times that it does bother me are just as terrible as in the beginning. Now, I’m sticking with Master. Most people would say that I’m no longer compatible with him and that I should find someone else, but I don’t see it that way. I’ve fully consented to his being poly and it doesn’t make OUR relationship any less powerful because he has other relationships. The issues are completely mine to work through with his help.

Will KM still see Froggy when you move?

He says he will, but not nearly as often as he does now. He has said that it might be monthly or so, depending on his need. She’s a play partner only that takes care of his more extreme, edgy things that I can’t handle so when he needs it, he’ll likely set up a play date.

Do you have days where your rules are not enforced?

Nope, I’m his slave all the time. There are times, like when I’m sick, that my rules are more lax but he still expects me to obey him. Most of my rules are habit by now.

I also would like to tell you how much your blog and subguide have helped me with my own journey. I have found your advice and insights to be extremely helpful and I wish you all the best. I am sorry some mean, narrow minded people made you so upset a few months ago.

Thank you. I appreciate it.


Here are more questions for March Question month:

So how is it going with controlling the passive aggressive tendencies? Change is hard particularly when it is learned in childhood.

It goes. Master still has to tell me when I’m saying something that is pointy and needley and hurtful. Each time he has to direct me to my behavior helps me learn and hopefully be more cautious. Only he can really say for sure if I’m less of an asshole than when this all started. I’ll have to ask him!

Have you added any of the TPE items back into your relationship?

None of the rules and guidelines that were added when we tried TPE have been readded, no. :( I don’t think they are permanently off the table, but it will be a long while before I ask him for any new behavior rules.

Are you still considering moving?

More than considering, we ARE moving at the end of July. The cost of living here and the rent on this apartment are more than our current budget can afford. And the reason we moved is non-existent now too.

What’s up with Froggy these days?

No clue really other than what Master shares with me. I know her daughter has a birthday this week and Master is going to the dinner out with family. She got a raise at work recently too.


Thanks for the questions!


Here’s my first set of questions for March question month!

In a recent post you mentioned KM stayed home for the weekend at Kiva’s husband’s request. Do you feel you could make the same request without any backlash?

Yes I believe I could. Master is always quite concerned with how I’m feeling and if I needed a weekend with him then he would make it happen. It would likely mean that he’s go see her for a Monday-Wednesday visit instead but I’d get my weekend with him if I asked for it.

Does KM still play with Froggy?

Yes he does, he has a standing date on Fridays with her.  He also goes over to see her on Thursdays during his lunch break for a massage.

Do you ever see or talk to Froggy and if not do you miss her? It seemed you two were getting close for a while.

No I don’t really see or talk to her. I don’t miss her either. We never connected as friends and I don’t feel we have anything in common other than KM.

What are your plans for the upcoming move?

Same as they were 2 years ago. Move closer to Master’s other partner so that the commute isn’t insane. This also puts us in the same area we came from 2 years ago and the same BDSM community as well as my mother (if she ever talks to me again).  Our lease ends July 28th.


Thanks for the questions!