I’m so lucky to be able to work on something that makes me so very happy and fulfills me. It’s also a bonus that I can do it from home! Submissive Guide is growing and changing and there are some pretty big improvements in the works for this year that I think people will love. I’ve become more productive thanks to the miracle that is bullet journaling and I’m feeling happy about my work and my homelife for the first time in a long time. I’ve always been a list maker but with lists scattered on post its, notebooks, Evernote and my phone I just never got them all done. It was like my life was scattered in the same way. Bullet Journaling has put all those things in one place. Master thinks it is cute that I’ve found something to enjoy and that makes me productive. I spend every evening laying out my plan for the next day and I’ve taken time to make the pages pretty, the charts useful and lovely to look at (because I think if it’s pretty I’ll want to use it) and it’s working.
Valentine’s Day was fine. Master and I wished each other happy Proposal day and I got him a egift card to Starbucks to use while he was away. We had a nice day before he left when we went to get burgers and then watched Deadpool. It was great. We’ll be going to see it again this weekend. Master will be here this weekend since Kiva’s husband asked for a weekend without Master there. Yay!
In frustrating news, my mother hasn’t talked to me in over a month. She said something on Facebook in her public feed that she was appalled and offended that a neighbor was flying a Mexican flag. She said that they live in America they should be flying an American flag. (This is the nicer version, you don’t want me to repeat what she actually wrote.) So I replied that I was ashamed of her and that she shouldn’t be so prejudiced and racist and more culturally accepting. I guess that was it for her because since then she’s not returned my calls, she deletes every comment or message I send her on Facebook and she’s unfriended Master. She is posting passive aggressive quips on facebook that I know are pointed at me. It’s cruel and immature how she’s responding. OK, so I probably could have not said anything about her comment but I’ve had enough. She has always made these types of comments and I’ve shrugged them off for far too long. Her sister, my Aunt even said she’d be offended if Master wanted to fly an English flag. So I commented that god-forbid she wanted to move to another country – that she’d have to stop being proud that she’s an American. She basically shut me out after that. So, after a week I apologized on Facebook and in a phone message. Nothing. I’ve sent her mail and messages. Nothing. So… now I’m done.
I hate being around people that are so prejudiced and racist. But she is my mother and now she’s really hurting me by refusing to talk to me. I guess I need to find something else to occupy my time since my mother no longer has respect for me, her words, and accept that she’s not interested in a relationship with me anymore. Master and my friends who know say she’s the one that is overreacting and being childish.
This drama has caused a stress headache for 4 days now. I want to just feel better and stop being upset by it. And then I also want to lash out and be just as horrible, if not moreso, to her. But I wait. We’ll see if she grows up and actually talks to me again.