February 2016

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I’m so lucky to be able to work on something that makes me so very happy and fulfills me. It’s also a bonus that I can do it from home! Submissive Guide is growing and changing and there are some pretty big improvements in the works for this year that I think people will love.  I’ve become more productive thanks to the miracle that is bullet journaling and I’m feeling happy about my work and my homelife for the first time in a long time.  I’ve always been a list maker but with lists scattered on post its, notebooks, Evernote and my phone I just never got them all done. It was like my life was scattered in the same way. Bullet Journaling has put all those things in one place. Master thinks it is cute that I’ve found something to enjoy and that makes me productive. I spend every evening laying out my plan for the next day and I’ve taken time to make the pages pretty, the charts useful and lovely to look at (because I think if it’s pretty I’ll want to use it) and it’s working.

Valentine’s Day was fine. Master and I wished each other happy Proposal day and I got him a egift card to Starbucks to use while he was away. We had a nice day before he left when we went to get burgers and then watched Deadpool. It was great. We’ll be going to see it again this weekend. Master will be here this weekend since Kiva’s husband asked for a weekend without Master there. Yay!

In frustrating news, my mother hasn’t talked to me in over a month.  She said something on Facebook in her public feed that she was appalled and offended that a neighbor was flying a Mexican flag. She said that they live in America they should be flying an American flag. (This is the nicer version, you don’t want me to repeat what she actually wrote.) So I replied that I was ashamed of her and that she shouldn’t be so prejudiced and racist and more culturally accepting. I guess that was it for her because since then she’s not returned my calls, she deletes every comment or message I send her on Facebook and she’s unfriended Master. She is posting passive aggressive quips on facebook that I know are pointed at me. It’s cruel and immature how she’s responding. OK, so I probably could have not said anything about her comment but I’ve had enough. She has always made these types of comments and I’ve shrugged them off for far too long. Her sister, my Aunt even said she’d be offended if Master wanted to fly an English flag. So I commented that god-forbid she wanted to move to another country – that she’d have to stop being proud that she’s an American. She basically shut me out after that. So, after a week I apologized on Facebook and in a phone message. Nothing. I’ve sent her mail and messages. Nothing. So… now I’m done.

I hate being around people that are so prejudiced and racist. But she is my mother and now she’s really hurting me by refusing to talk to me. I guess I need to find something else to occupy my time since my mother no longer has respect for me, her words, and accept that she’s not interested in a relationship with me anymore. Master and my friends who know say she’s the one that is overreacting and being childish.

This drama has caused a stress headache for 4 days now. I want to just feel better and stop being upset by it. And then I also want to lash out and be just as horrible, if not moreso, to her. But I wait. We’ll see if she grows up and actually talks to me again.


Things are pretty status quo around here. We are flat broke so doing anything outside the home is on hold. No expendable income will do that to you. And before the dissenters start, Master makes plenty of money – if his clients would pay him at regular intervals instead of sometimes 3 weeks after invoice to oh maybe 3 months after invoice. And it’s not my budgeting that’s wrong either. You try to budget one month’s income to stretch 3. I just dare you to see any wiggle room. We’ve used up our emergency fund and any savings we had because of the arse-hole clients he’s had to take recently. That should be changing soon also.

Master and I are on the mend. He just has a little bit of a cold and conjunctivitis in his bad eye. I’m pretty much back to normal. If only my writing inspiration would follow suit. I’m feeling so far behind. Anyone who writes for a living can understand that you can’t make yourself write and have it be quality work. It has to come when the time is right. Let’s hope I find my right time soon, right?

Master is going to spend Valentine’s Day at Kiva’s. I’m sad about it; we have gone out to lunch on Valentine’s Day every year since we met, and that was the day he proposed so it’s extra special. He’s well aware that it is bothering me and has agreed that we’ll make a special day of it when he comes home. It’s just my luck that Valentine’s Day is on a normal day that he’s out of town. So, I’m going to plan something really sweet and nice for when we have some of that expendable cash and we can have Valentine’s Day when roses aren’t $65 a dozen.

This weekend was really hard on me and my mono state in a poly relationship. Sometimes it gets really hard to understand the complexities of the relationship and make them work in my monogamous brain. I know I worried Master this weekend and for a few hours I told him I didn’t want to talk to him at all. I’m sure that hurt but I just needed space. Someone on FL suggested that I actually grieve the loss of monogamy with him. Now, I don’t know what that would entail but I do think that it might help for me to really come to terms with the end of what once was and accept what is now.

I’ve really gotten into bullet journaling and my productivity has gone up because of it. And since I get to use pretty journals for it, that’s an extra inspiration to make them pretty. It’s so satisfying to cross of things on my to do list and have the list be pretty too! While I’m not going as crazy as some people I’ve seen on instagram or pinterestI’m working on learning a new cursive script that should make my normal everyday cursive more girly and full of flourishes. I’m having fun learning and developing my own style too.

I gave Master his Valentine’s Day card today. He loved it :)



We’re sick

Just a short update: we are both sick. Bronchitis or colds, or flu or anything else congestion related. We are miserable. Master has been sick since just after Christmas and I’ve finally caught up in the last week.  No sex, no play, not much interaction. Just taking care of each other.