October 2015

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The weekend has started and Master is off to Kiva’s. I’ve got my chore list and Minecraft to keep me occupied. And the words that Master said before he left. That he craves me and wants me so badly that I’d better be ready when he gets back. We talked whipping and rough sex, tied up titties and lots of fun. I can’t wait.

Nanowrimo starts Sunday. I hope to get 3k words done that day. If the words flow that will be only about 2 hours of writing. If not, it could be almost 4 hours.

I’ll be posting updates on Twitter if you want to cheer me on. @lunaKM

 

–lunaKM

I went off and worked at a coffee shop today to see if I could get more focused work done and to test if I felt less stress when not at home.  I did get a bit accomplished although I know I would have achieved more if the shop wasn’t freezing and the wifi wasn’t complete crap. Like I couldn’t listen to stream music and do anything in another tab. The stress we currently feel at home – mostly gone.

Of course as soon as I came home I felt stressed again. It’s funny how the little things bug you when you are already on edge. The dishes I hadn’t done the night before, I did as soon as I got in the door. And then the fatigue hit. Master and I have not been sleeping well. It shows. We are coping as best we can.

I just can’t wait until this trial of “for richer or poorer” was over.  Every day we survive puts us closer to the end. Of course, if we knew when the end was then we’d feel even better I think.

Not yet. But soon.

I’m preparing for Nanowrimo. I have brainstormed and outlined a bit and I think I have the start of a grand idea. I need more than one so I’m planning on doing more brainstorming in the next 2 days. Then Sunday is the big day. I want to get more than 3k words done that first day, when the excitement is still strong and my wrists are too.

I did get some cool presents for my birthday. Master got me the newly released album from Pentatonix. I’m a total fan (pentaholic). I’ve followed them since their start on the Sing Off and I find them to be an incredible a capella group. Just, amazing. You have to hear them to understand. Just Google them. Not a single thing they’ve produced has been bad. Trust me.

Then Kiva got me a set of Minecraft animals. They are little plastic toys and they all are poseable and adorable. Keeping them in the box until I can find a place where the cats won’t terrorize them.

Mom got me money. She knows the way to my heart. :P She just said she knew that it would come in handy right now and I can buy something with it when I can.

To answer the Submissive Guide question from a previous post; yes I plan on doing a video post in November. I just need to record it.  I really should try to do more of those. As for topic ideas, I’m keeping them under my hat for now.

–lunaKM

Master and I had a lovely day for my birthday. He made my birthday cake which tasted fantastic! I had 3 pieces over the course of the day. We watched all three of the Back to the Future films, as planned. Had a bit of fun in the morning too.

We snuggled and chit-chatted and I think it was one of my best birthdays – even when cramps and my period invaded 4 days early. It couldn’t get me down. I mean we did have more fun things planned, but I’ve got them on “my list” to do when my period is done.

For example, we got replacement whip crackers for his single tail so I will get to taste it. It’s been at froggy’s for a long while, but I got crackers for it last month and now I’m going to enjoy it too! I’ve experienced a whip before, but I’ve watched Master use it and am really looking forward to the fun to be had with him.

And then there are the needles I bought way back in June. We will haven’t tried the small needle zipper I’d like to try. Oh and the fucking machine needs to come out of the chest for some play. I’m itching for fun, that’s for sure.

Today I spent some time brainstorming for Nanowrimo. I want to have a lot of ideas on hand to spark my interest for the whole month. It’s a lot of writing I have planned and I don’t want to spend a lot of time staring at a blank screen. It will be great though to have so much wonderful stuff done by the end of the month to share  with you. It makes the rest of my YEAR that much easier. It really does. I know one year I wrote enough content I didn’t have to write anything for 5 months. Just edit and go.

I’ve been doing a lot of streaming of Minecraft and having a blast. Someday I might have a decent following and be “famous” LOL. I love building and it feels rewarding to have other people tell me they like what I’m building.

You know that cleaning I have to do every weekend when Master isn’t here? I still love it. It’s so weird. It’s like I look forward to him coming home to a clean house or something. Just seems odd and good at the same time.

Happy slave? Yes please.

–lunaKM

I want to thank those of you who commented on Monday’s post. You helped me see a different side of the situation that I couldn’t see because I’m too close to it all. I really appreciate it. You are all right that it is the environment not just me that is different at Kiva’s house.

This weekend Master is staying home; it’s my birthday on Saturday and I requested that he stay here and spend it with me. We’re going to have a movie marathon (Back to the Future), homemade pizza and popcorn and birthday cake. It’s going to be a great day if we can leave the financial stress to another day.

Tomorrow I get ready for Nanowrimo by doing some outlining and brainstorming. I’m gonna be ready.

 

–lunaKM

I was already off kilter this morning when I woke up. I had this weird feeling and what I thought was a realization. See, Master had rushed off to Kiva’s on Friday night after playing with froggy because he was concerned with how tired he had been in the mornings (he’s not sleeping well) and driving while groggy. So, him driving home this morning, being up before he normally gets up I was worried that he’d be forcing himself to drive in the morning. His very concern and reason for leaving Friday night instead of Saturday morning.

He told me through Skype that he was fine and that he had gotten some sleep while there.  I wondered what differed between here and there that he could sleep well enough at her place but not here.

So I asked him when he got home, still feeling not myself at the time. He said two things; one was there were no cats to keep him up and that the external stress he feels here wasn’t there. The only thing that doesn’t follow him there is me. We are still financially strapped. That doesn’t change by changing your geography. So is it me that he’s running away from every weekend?

He misses me, sure. He wants to fuck me as soon as he gets in the door. But maybe he’s self medicating by leaving Friday evenings (it’s become a pretty regular thing) instead of Saturday mornings.

And of course with my feeling a bit off already I could be blowing this completely out of proportion and it’s not it at all. But whatever. That’s what’s running in my mind right now.

I took a nap this afternoon and woke up with a migraine so that’s not helping matters either. That’s probably why I wasn’t feeling myself this morning… Maybe I just need to go back to bed.

–lunaKM

When Master is depressed, like now, the climate here at home is one of cautious silence. We’ve been in financial turmoil since we moved here because the income that he was making has been cut by almost half. The work just isn’t coming in as fast and furious as it was. So all of the stress keeps piling up and he’s depressed about it. I am too.

But when it comes to self-medicating for the depression we treat it so very differently that it harms my recovery more than heals. He shuts down. He doesn’t want to talk about it and the more I bring it up the more shut away he gets. I need to talk about the frustration and stress I’m feeling but I can’t do that with him. At least not when it comes to money.

I’m not ignorant to the fact that he’s stressed out. He knows I’m stressed out. So we spend a lot of our time in separate rooms dealing with whatever we need to deal with. I’m finding I’m crying or on the verge of crying more often. I’m short with him and not as conversational as normal. He’s withdrawn.

And I can’t figure out how to help relive the problem. I’ve offered to go find a job, but he’s declined that. I’ve asked him if there was anything I could do to help. He says no. So, I sit on my ass and do nothing but dwell over the fact that I can’t help. I’ve decreased the food budget. The cats are eating dry food again, I’m eating cheaper food and less of it. There’s no real splurging going on.

Yes we just bought a car. It had to be done.  The bus tickets down to Des Moines every weekend, the extended time he’s away and the age and repair costs of my car were all factors in deciding to suck it up and buy a newer car. And it doesn’t help our finances one bit.

He’s okayed me to go do plasma donation but they have a weight limit and I’m dancing a fine line with that right now so I wanted to wait until I came down a bit. Thankfully the gym membership is cheap and does wonders for my mood when I get there. Physically it is kicking my ass, but knowing that being there is helping me lose weight and get healthier is a positive that I can’t afford not to have right now.

Sales on Submissive Guide is waning. I don’t know if it will pick back up for the holiday or not. I’m preparing my annual Nanowrimo ebook sale but that won’t be enough to help us pay the bills. Our emergency fund is empty. Our credit cards are maxed out and there’s no more money to pull out of the business account.

With all that our relationship probably feels boring to me. We can’t DO anything since we can’t afford anything.  I don’t feel myself when I’m depressed and neither does he. I’ve considered uping my anxiety med early instead of waiting until seasonal depression hits. It might help.

–lunaKM

Master is getting back with froggy. Not in the same sort of way as it was before they broke up, but there’s still a connection and he still needs an edgier play partner. So, on Friday he’s going over to her place for a play date. Right now I know they are just testing the waters if being play partners will work for them. I also know that Master doesn’t want to be in a relationship like they once had. If anything came from it, they’d most likely have a limited, structured D/s relationship.

And she has to be okay with the fact that we are moving next summer to be closer to Kiva. Which sounds like she’s okay with but who know how things work out right?

I’m not sure how I feel about this whole thing really. She messed him up something awful and he was not happy for a long time. I can’t see going through that again and I hope he can set up whatever sort of exchange that will work for both of them. I know he needs a sadistic outlet that I can’t provide. I’m just not nearly tolerant enough for what he needs. He’s okay with me being me, but that build-up of sadistic need can get too great sometimes and he needs an outlet.

So, for now I think he’s going to try to use froggy to get that relief. I guess we’ll see if anything else happens.

After being sick last week today is the first day back at the gym with weight training again. I’m ready I think. Still not enjoying the gym because it makes me feel exhausted and ill after, but that will come with time. I’m so out of shape and obese that I have a lot to overcome if I want to lose weight. Going to the gym is just one of those things. Food choices could be better and I will be working to shift those back to smarter, healthier foods. I have no problem eating the way I should, but those not so great foods are more tempting than I thought.

The cats are getting too clever. We already have child locks on the kitchen cabinet that the trash can sits in, and now I have to get locks for the bi-fold doors where there would normally be a washer and dryer, but instead is storage for, among other things, their food and cat nip. Loki can open the doors without issue. He got in there the other night, knocked down the tray that had the nip in it and a small baggie of dry food. The nip was everywhere and the dry food was devoured by Hermes (I’m assuming). We now have a bench in front of the door until the child locks arrive in the mail on Wednesday.  If only I could keep Hermes off the counter and out of the people food! Nothing phases him. Noise, nose taps, water bottle, kennel time, nothing. He’s right up there all the time, whether there is food or not.  Next goal is lemon oil cleaner as that is supposed to be a scene they don’t like.

This week I need to prepare for Nanowrimo by brainstorming and outlining what I plan to do for the month. I’ve got most of the month done for the site so that can pretty much be auto-pilot while I do my best to get close to 50K words by the end of the month. I really hope I can do it. I have so many plans and dreams that hinge on getting this content produced. It’s a lot more work than I thought it would be and while I still love writing for Submissive Guide I’m starting to wish it were making more money to compensate for the time I’m devoting to it. I guess we’ll see what happens as time goes on.

–lunaKM

It’s Fall

I’ve played a lot of Minecraft today. Apparently I’m addicted.

Kiva is up here this weekend. It’s been a quiet time. Master and Kiva went bowling this afternoon. Then we watched a movie tonight with dinner.  Master takes her home tomorrow and then stays the night there before returning. That’s really all that’s going on here.

It definitely must be Fall. My allergies were intense today. I took meds and I still spend the day sneezing and sniffling. Ugh.

It’s getting really hard to blog lately. Either I just have a boring life or I have nothing to reflect on. Which means Master may change my blog requirements. We’ll see.

–lunaKM

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