Ok folks, why didn’t someone tell me that yesterday was Wednesday! I completely forgot to write here and was told very firmly by Master late last night that I had better do it first thing. Now the cats are crying because they are hungry and I’ve not even had some coffee but here I am. Making sure I get it done. I think I might have to set alarms or something until it becomes habit again.
So, not a good start here. Opps.
I have noticed Master being more firm in his requests for things and less… affectionate? I guess that’s the words I’d use. It’s not that he isn’t affectionate and loving, but that his requests are now commands. That’s it. They feel different to receive since I’m used to a much more gentle touch but the point of this whole thing is for him to be himself and to exert the control he feels is natural to him. I’m to learn to adapt and grow in that.
I get really frustrated when I forget a simple rule, like saying “Thank you Master,” “Yes, please, Master,” His title has to be included in responses, questions and frequently in conversation. And I tend to leave it out because I’m looking right at him after all. He knows his title, why should I have to say it. Uh-huh, that sort of thing is creeping in a lot.
I have to say it because that is what he wants. It’s as simple as that. I never thought I’d feel like a novice again after so many years, but some of these things make me shaking my head and feeling so brand new to the whole idea of submission.
I’ve been doing this for over 10 years, you’d think I had this down pat. But I’ve been doing something slightly different for 10 years, not this exactly and that’s the learning curve. He’s being flexible right now but has prepared me for down the road when he feels I should have “it” by now that punishment and correction will happen. He expects total obedience.
And not just that, he expects it to bring out happiness, pleasure and joy in me. He doesn’t want a robot or a sad slave just going through the motions. This is going to be very hard work to achieve. Not everything I do is pleasant and some of his requests I’m sure are going to be icky to me. Finding the joy in it for alternate reasons is going to have to be my key to working it for him.
So far his requests have mostly centered around sex, sex play and orgasms. I think he’s doing that mostly because I find sex fun (who doesn’t) and it might be easier for me to process the new commands. Although, I’m finding an unusual hang up for when he requests me to go masturbate and have x number of orgasms but he’s not even there. He’s not watching me do it so what pleasure is there for him in that. I mean sure I like orgasms and I’ll go masturbate but I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how the control and the fact that I just went and did that is hot for him and fulfilling. That’s what I have to figure out to find peace in this whole exchange.
Why can’t because he likes it like that be enough for me?