June 2014

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Feeling Alien

How do you get excited to move to a place you aren’t interested in? I’m really having a hard time getting hyped up for a new place and a new town when I really didn’t want to move that far away from my mom and the people I know in Des Moines.

It’s with resignation that I pack our belongings and prepare for the massive cleaning I’ll have to do. Sometimes you just have to suck it up right?

I really hope I find something in Iowa City to make the move worth it for me. Just 35 days to go.


Wednesday KnyghtMare and I celebrated 3 years married. Well, celebrated in that we bought alcohol and wished each other happy anniversary. There were plans, but they got pushed aside for the priority of moving in 2 months. So, the trip I wanted, the stay in a suite with giant tub so that I can bathe Master, all on hold for whenever.

Celebrating a milestone like this is something Master doesn’t really do. I think he knows it’s important to me, but he reminded me that we have been together almost 10 years, so 3 of them married isn’t a shift for him. Marriage was just the next logical step in his plan to claim me. Hot, right?

The packing is going ever so slowly. I just don’t want to live out of boxes for months before we move like we did last time. It’s going to be inevitable sooner or later, I’m just postponing it as long as possible. I do need to kick it in gear though or I’ll be rushing around packing and cleaning that last 3 weeks and exhaust myself.

It probably doesn’t help that I don’t find the city we are moving too very appealing. I hope to learn to love it. It’s a large college town, twice as large as the one we are in now. It’s more metro and busy and stuff which probably doesn’t help me learn to like it.

Another thing about it is that I don’t know where I’ll be able to go out to eat. At least here I’m confident in 2 places that can feed me relatively safely. Since going gluten free, eating has been more anxiety-inducing than relaxing. I used to consider eating a comfort thing – I just can’t anymore.

I do look forward to getting to know the local BDSM community better. There is hope for social interaction again!

On the BDSM front, Master and I played! While I have yet to experience the new hemp rope we got last month, we got the floggers out and had a lovely time pushing my pain buttons and getting me all hot and bothered. I told him I wanted to be hit hard, but we learned that I just can’t handle that. It’s been a long time since pain play was had that I’m rusty. I think we still had a fantastic time. Sex is so much better when I’m hurting!

The past two weeks I’ve been dealing with fatigue again. The kind that requires that I take naps or chug lots of caffeine. I don’t drink a lot of coffee and pop is a special treat, so napping it has been. Master is concerned that the anti-depressant I’m no longer taking was abating my fatigue. I think it’s my thyroid acting silly again but I don’t want to go to this doctor again – he’s not listening to me. And with moving in 2 months I think I might as well tough it out until I can find a Doctor in our new city that will listen to me.

I’m exercising everyday still – kinda have to since it’s a rule. But I have changed to when I exercise. I had to admit to myself and Master that doing the 20-30 mins before he got up in the morning meant I was lazy and didn’t push myself as hard. So now I have to do it when he’s up. Just knowing he’s in the other room has helped push me to do more and work harder. I’m hoping that I’ll notice an improvement on my waistline soon. Or my fatigue, that would be nice.

I’ve got so many things going on with Submissive Guide recently that I’m always in front of the computer working and when I’m not I have my notebook out or my thoughts racing. I’d really like to be able to make a part time wage from the site as soon as possible, but that means more than doubling what it currently brings in. I’m not sure how to do that… yet.