Thank you folks for commenting on the last post about my difficulty in using this place the way it is intended. I talked with Master and he agrees that I should be able to say whatever I want here and he’ll deal with any responses I get that are from people close to us – if they are negative.
I’ve been struggling with the poly side of our relationship. More specifically feeling invaded in my home and left to watch Master’s relationship with froggy unfold in front of me. It’s already been established that I don’t want to be around when they play or have sex. I’m now also just frustrated, annoyed, uncomfortable when they are just doing relationship things. Sitting together, holding hands, being affectionate. I’m a third wheel and just want to disappear.
My gut fear was that the poly was wrong, but it didn’t feel that way inside. I don’t have any issues with their relationship. I just don’t want to be around when they are acting upon it.
And to make things worse, I was finding those petty annoyances that froggy does as being really offensive. It’s intolerable. A constant sniffle, a reaction to something that made me think it was childish. The silliest things. It’s made me not want to be around her. And it’s not kind to her. I have nothing against her – but my unhappiness has manifest in it.
I need a break from it. Talking with other in poly dynamics has helped immensely. I’ve come to realize that maybe the “V” style relationship we have needs to be more separated. My relationship with Master and his relationship with froggy don’t happen at the same time. It’s not easy being that she drives up here twice a month (or more). The only option I have is to not be at home when they are there. I still have those feelings that she’s invading my home but I also have a relief that I don’t have to be there.
Through talking with others, I’ve come to realize it’s not poly at all since I have no core insecurities with sharing Master. I just don’t like being around it. It’s not uncommon, I’ve been told, to have a relationship with someone and they have another relationship where they go see them and you don’t have to interact all the time together. She could have her place and I mine. It sounds to me like what I really would like to try – as best as I can.
Master is giving me my space as best he can. I can escape to the bedroom when I need to, I can pack up my computer and leave the house when I need to. We are working out a different sleeping routine so that I don’t have to share my bed with froggy.
I know Master would like the two of us to be best of friends, but I can’t get past the fact that she’s his girlfriend first. Sure that keeps her at a distance but that makes me feel better about it.
That’s what’s going on right now.