2014

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Pain in my Wrists

I have some terrible pain in my wrists lately. The Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is really kicking me in the pants recently. Some days I’ve actually wished that my wrists would just go away, that my hands would just fall off. The pain is so bad and I look grumpy, holding them close to my chest and just not doing anything. Even the braces and Alieve aren’t cutting it really.

I know that after the winter I’ll be back to normal again. Winter just sucks for this sort of pain. I know it and just live with it. And yes I’ve considered surgery but the success rate isn’t that great. My dad has had 3 surgeries for Carpal Tunnel over the years. I’m just not to that point of desperation yet.

I think it could be different if I had a full time outside the home job that I needed to use my hands. But I don’t. I can take a day or an hour to rest and ice my wrists and then get back to it when they aren’t as bad.

Good news is my writer’s block is fading. Bad news is that no matter how much writing I want to do, my wrists are only allowing about an hour or so a day at most.

Today is Master’s birthday. Normally he gets a ton of blow jobs, but with my wrists out of commission he’s postponed celebrating until I’m better. I did make him a cake and got him a gift which he just loved (a weight bench). He’s such a wonderful man and I’m so happy to be able to celebrate his birthday whenever he wants it.

Christmas is also coming, and we have no presents for anyone. Still waiting for his paycheck to get any sort of gifts for anyone and so I’m going to be one of those last minute shoppers.  And it’s going to be budget shopping too, that’s for sure.

We are going to my mom’s on the 27th for family Christmas. The nieces and nephews will be there expecting something and mom just wants her cream cheese mints. I have no clue what the kids are getting. Any budget ideas for a 4 yr old girl, 10 yr old girl and boy and a 16 yr old boy?

–lunaKM

Rambling Again

It’s December and that often means reflecting on the past year – at least it does for me. To say I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster recently would be an understatement. Often without warning I’ll be upset or angry then crying and depressed. Master misses the happy times and makes special note when I’m happy to spend time with me.

The turmoil in my head is a bit much sometimes. And I often question who I am. A phrase that Master has said does roll around in there a lot and while it is very true, makes me feel unworthy to be a slave, or his slave.

“You are a slave of convenience” Meaning I only do things when it suits my schedule or if I get something out of it. Which I guess is more true than I wanted it to be. I know I am not a “yes Sir I’ll do anything you say Sir” sort of slave. I’ve always given requests weight, and I guess that’s just not what I want anymore. I know it’s not what he wants.

It’s one of the things he says that froggy has, which irks me too. While I know we are different people, to know that she’ll do whatever, whenever and I give things pause is hurting me. Yes I hesitate. “You want me to go fuck myself with a cucumber? Why? That doesn’t sound fun at all!” When I really could just say, “Yes Master” and do it. Sure that’s a silly example but it gets the point across.

And that fact that I have a relatively successful submissive site where I try to help people learn about their own submission when my feels so lacking makes me feel fake. Why should anything listen to me when I can’t even submit the way I feel I should be? How would anyone respect me when I’m failing at my own service.

Okay so, ask Master and he’ll tell me I’m not failing. I wouldn’t be his slave if I were. He’s very happy with what I do for him and how I serve him. I wish I could give him more. I wish I could be more.

I wish he didn’t need froggy to experience service without questions, without hesitations. I wish all of his needs were served by me. And if that’s jealousy then I have it. I accept that.  Making a change that has been the way I am for so long is an uphill climb that I can’t see myself achieving.

Much like the weight loss I keep saying I am going to do and then failing to do. I’ve reset another goal yet again and still I do nothing about it. Like it will miraculously happen; one day I’ll wake up and have the drive to work out and eat right and lose weight. I hate myself for not having that drive. For prolonging the “punishments” I have for being fat. For having to sleep elsewhere because of my snoring, for being physically unable to sit in some seats at public places, for my heavy breathing and weakened stamina. For so much more that will put me in an early grave if I don’t make changes. And even that; death, while terrifying, hasn’t got me moving is saying something.

It’s not like I sit around and stuff my face with cookies and cakes and coke. I eat relatively healthy. Just too much of it and not enough moving to burn it. If there was only one thing I could do, it would be to exercise and move more. My metabolism would thank me.

Maybe, while this may have not been my year, I can learn something from it. And if not, perhaps I’ve at least made a step in the right direction.

–lunaKM

Giving Thanks

Grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving was a bad idea. Unfortunately Wednesdays are always my shopping and errand day. Rude people are starting to be the norm and the holiday rush isn’t even a newborn yet. This is bad.

Thankfully I got the brine for the turkey and will be doing that today (It’s on the stove cooling before I put it in the fridge to chill). I also found what looks to be a yummy pull apart GF yeast roll recipe I’ll try tomorrow. I’ll try and remember to report back on that. No stuffing this year, but I have a lead on Trader Joe’s stuffing mix being as close to Stove Top as I can get. Maybe I can ask for that for Christmas? :P

Took Loki to the vet yesterday for his shots. He’s 15.5 lbs. Needs to lose about 5 for him to be healthy weight. Hopefully by next year’s shots he’ll have lost at least half the needed amount.

Tomorrow I’ll be up in time for the Macy’s Parade and relax before Master gets up. Then the turkey goes in the oven and I can plan out the rest of the meal. It’s just the two of us so it’s not a giant affair. Except the turkey could feed 8, it will feed us 4 times.

Well I’m off to get some writing done.

–lunaKM

Small Report

We played last night – canes. We went further than I recall ever going and the bruises I have today is a happy surprise. If you want a couple pictures you’ll have to go to FetLife.

I don’t have much to report but that and I admit that my pledge to try and keep the blog going is failing miserably. I forget I have it some days and others I’m too busy with other things to write here. And it’s not that I don’t have anything to say, but perhaps there is so much that should be left private now that I just not share anything. I dunno.

But I’m still here for anyone that still visits.

–lunaKM

I’m not planning on being around here long, my wrists are inflamed and painful today and Master and I are going out on a date tonight, but I wanted to make sure you all knew I got your questions and plan to answer as many as I can.

Do I have any hobbies?

I love to knit, cross stitch and crochet. I’m also good at other crafts and embroidery. I knit whenever I can. I’m working on a baby blanket for my best friend who just had a baby girl. I want to be done with it for Christmas.

I play Minecraft a lot. Like a lot a lot. Master and I have a personal modded Minecraft server that we play on. I also follow a lot of YouTube broadcasters for Minecraft. I think I’m a bit addicted.

Experimenting with makeup is another thing I enjoy. I like to try new makeup tutorials, especially eye makeup tutorials.

Do I still have that giant list of Journal Prompts?

Yes, you can find them at prompts.Submissiveguide.com. I add new ones about every 2 weeks. I use them for inspiration on occasion but never for here – always for Subguide.

How long has KnyghtMare been with froggyKM?

They’ve been together for almost 2 years. I think.

That’s it for now, more later!

–lunaKM

It’s so hard to believe that it’s almost the end of the year. The holidays will rush by, there’s no doubt about that. So many changes have happened this year, some good, some bad.

As many of you are aware moving to this new apartment was so that Master could be closer to froggyKM. It’s been a hard adjustment and apparently it’s not fully shifted to what he wants.  He’s not visiting her as often as he’d like and she has told him that she doesn’t feel welcome here.

Well, I never said she couldn’t visit so I don’t know where that is coming from. My only limitation is that there’s no need to stay overnight and play can’t happen here. I don’t know how to make her feel more welcome here so I think that’s just something she needs to work on.

They have had a bit of a stressful relationship lately from what I can see. A few times Master has informed me he is pissed and I just give him space. Hopefully they can work things out soon as I prefer he’s friendly and happy around home. I guess that’s just a part of being with a poly person.

I know that I don’t have a lot to say and that could be because I don’t know what you want me to share with you, so if you are reading this and wondering about my submission, our past or anything else related to me and KnyghtMare I’d be willing to share it with ya!

–lunaKM

Lost Friends

Last week my best friend from college had her first baby. On Friday I got to visit with her and see her new adorable girl. It was a beautiful time and I’m thrilled that she’s got a little family to love and take care of.

But I cried too. It’s been over 18 months since we did anything together and it hurt that I let that much time go by without staying in touch. I promised her that I wouldn’t let time go by like that again and asked if she’d like to start up being pen pals as well as calling each other more often. There are things you can tell a best friend that you can’t tell anyone else, ya know? I think I need a bit of that.

I hope I can keep her friendship going and enjoy watching her grow as a new mom.

–lunaKM

 

Getting Older

Master and I went and picked up my birthday ring from the jeweler today. It’s lovely and I can see myself wearing it all the time, which was my hope with the choice I made. It’s a flat ring without a raised gem in the middle which tends to spin around and get caught on things. If you want to see a picture I have a small one on a previous post.

My birthday is Friday, I’ll be old. Not too old but old enough. I’ve planned a pizza and ice cream party. I bought a GF cake from a local bakery to have since I refuse to bake my own cake for my birthday. I’m hoping to have a relaxing day watching my new ring sparkle in the light and just spoiling myself with a spa day. I’ve got nails to polish, brows to pluck and new makeup to play with.

Master just let me buy Pentatonix’s new Christmas album! I’m going to have to listen to it discreetly until December. He has a rule that no Christmas music can be played in his presence until then. I’m excited! I love them.  I’m such a fangirl.

I’ve never done well with getting older and the closer I get to 40 it’s not an easy progression. I have a hesitation of not reaching my goals in life or that something health wise will make my life harder. Sometimes I think about getting old and not having anyone to take care of us. Not that I want children at all.

On to other things, my older cat, Maximus had some dental surgery on Tuesday. I was a worried mommy that’s for sure since he’s never been under anesthesia.  He had 2 teeth removed. The Dr said he had to have been in pain for months with the condition the teeth were. :(

He also had some more tests done and he’s been diagnosed with early stage kidney disease. Poor guy has to have special food, potassium supplements and I have to watch out for him getting worse. He has to be checked every 6 months now to be proactive in his treatment. I might have to do subcutaneous fluids at some point as his disease progresses. I hate that’s the way he’s destined to die. His kidneys will just fail. I can only hope that he has years of life left in him before that happens. He’s my baby and I’ll do whatever I can to keep him happy.

I mean I guess a chronic condition is different than Zeus’ (RIP) acute liver failure. I had mere days. He collapsed and that was it. With Max I can care for him longer and watch for him to tell me he’s ready to go.

It’s hard and I hate ending on a sad note, but I’m gonna go for today.

More later,

–lunaKM

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