July 2013

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Crying

I cried so hard on Thursday. I cried throughout the day off and on and when I went to bed I sobbed and weeped into my pillow for more than an hour. I knew exactly why I was crying and couldn’t stop either. Master tried to comfort me but I knew I needed to just feel and let it out.

You see, I’ve begun to love Loki. He’s such a fun kitty and his personality is just enjoyable to watch and interact with. But inside I feel/felt that I was betraying Zeus and that I would have to stop loving him as much. That I had replaced him. That I had to finally say my last goodbye. It sounds silly writing it out but that’s how I understand my feelings.

I know I don’t have to stop loving Zeus. That his memory lives on and he really was a great cat. I can love Loki just as much for his personality. But loving Loki makes Zeus’ passing more final, more tangible.

I’ve whispered to Max (Zeus’ companion) so many nights that he had better die an old cat and give me time to prepare. I don’t want to have to say goodbye so suddenly again. (Not that he could make that deal, but I’ve been trying anyway.)

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so attached to my animals, that I didn’t consider them family or create bonds as strong as I do. Then it wouldn’t hurt as badly. Who still cries every night for a cat? It’s been almost 2 months and I don’t feel like I’ve moved on at all.

–lunaKM

Shopping Again

When I went to the Dr last week for a hypothyroid follow up I brought up with him my increase in headaches and migraines. They’ve gotten pretty regular in the past 3 months with migraines almost once a week. There isn’t much he can do for them right now, and said that if they start waking me up at night that we will have to do an MRI or catscan. On no insurance that’s a scary proposition. I hope they clear up.

In the meantime, I’ve had 2 headaches in just as many days. Master thinks it might be the 24 hr OTC allergy meds I’m taking. So he’s directed me to get the other active ingredient one. Maybe I’m having issues from that. I guess I’ll see.

I go to the store on Wednesday for another 2 week shopping trip. I think I did pretty good this time, but want to cut the budget down so this trip will be about finding that happy medium and get it down and still have yummy food to eat. Any tips would be appreciated. Here’s some of the limitations I’m working with:

  • Gluten free option
  • No beans
  • Not vegetarian
  • Can be made without veggies in it (but added at the last minute to my meal)
  • Master only likes canned carrots and peas. I hate canned carrots and peas. So veggies are usually a side dish and separate.
  • No salads for dinner. I love salads for lunch.
  • Must have meat in every meal
  • No canned soups or boxed meals
  • Under $4/person per meal

Loki is such a joy to watch and learn to love. He’s extremely playful, inquisitive and loving. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to watch him play. He doesn’t sleep as much as cats normally do but I am guessing that’s because he’s still young.

Max is warming up to him. I’ve seen them playing together and Loki has groomed Max a few times. That makes me happy to know that they will get along. It was something I worried about with Max being an aloof cat.

I really need new glasses. My eyes are not bad but these glasses are cheap and scratching and just hard to clean anymore. Maybe that’s helping with my headache. Master has promised I can go get an eye exam and new glasses soon, maybe even next month. I wonder if there are any sales going on in the area.

Oh something was asked in a FetLife thread this week that I asked Master to respond to because I wanted to know his thoughts. It was about what services he expected of his submissive. I have never thought of myself as a service submissive but as he started listing a few of the things I do for him (without even thinking of it now) I realized that service was a huge part of who I am for him.

Go figure.

I have a sub forum this week on Domestic Service and I’m struggling to put together talking points and a set of questions. I don’t connect to domestics as service so that’s likely why I’m having problems. Thankfully someone is coming that is strong in domestics so hopefully she’ll lead some of the discussion. I can share tips and tricks and whatnot, but as far as connecting to your service mindset.

That’s it for now.

–lunaKM

Summer Flare

This weekend we went to two movies. Master wanted to see Pacific Rim and while it is far from my kind of movie, it was his turn. Froggy was up for the weekend too so she came with us. I know Master loved it, he said something along the lines of “skyscraper robots fighting alien monsters, yeah!” It was alright I guess.

Yesterday we went to see Monsters University. Certainly not as good as the first one, but I kinda liked the story of how Mike and Sully became friends and made it to the Scare Floor at Monsters Inc. It’s a good family movie.

Summer movie time is one of our favorite times. We love movies. I know that Thor 2 is coming out soon and if I recall there were at least 2 others that Master or I have mentioned wanting to see.

And the theater plays old movies a few times a week too. Wednesday is Back to the Future and Master is considering if we go or not. I think it would be fun to watch it on the big screen again. I admit I think I saw it in 85 when it came out. I was 7 and it would have been a movie that my family would have wanted to see.

This week I find out how well I shopped last week and see if the food holds out. I’m especially nervous about snacks. I’m certain we have dinners and lunches to hold us just fine. Since I spent the entire budget I really can’t afford to go back this week for anything so we’ll just have to see.

Hopefully I’ve learned from this trip and the next one will be less expensive and more frugal – especially in the meal plan. It’s been fun finding recipes that I know we love that are also cheaper to make. And I have a few new ones to try too that aren’t too far out there so I bet they will become favorites too.

The Carpal Tunnel flare up I had over the end of last week into the weekend has died down. Now to make sure I don’t wake it back up again and still get things done. The house needs a real cleaning lately and I want to get some of it done. I’m also doing the scary job of going through clothing and tossing for charity anything I haven’t worn in a long long time. I have a whole tub of clothing I’ll need to go through and I am certain there’s at least one trash bag’s worth to donate.

I would like to rent a rug doctor and get the carpets cleaned too, but that may have to wait until I know my wrists are better as that’s a lot of hard work on them so soon after the inflammation subsided.

The addition of the new service of lotioning Master instead of the foot rub is going well I think. A bonus of doing that is he needs it almost daily so I get to work on connecting with my submission and focusing on him a lot more frequently.

–lunaKM

The past 2 days I’ve been reading and researching once a month shopping (OAMS) to hopefully save us a ton of money that we are wasting on groceries every month. It’s a huge endeavor and one that I won’t take careless steps with.

For those that don’t know the term, once a month shopping is simply that – you do all of your grocery shopping once a month. I do foresee a couple small trips throughout the month to replenish perishable items like dairy and produce but those would be insignificant as long as I stick to what I need only.

A few of the tools that make OAMS shopping work is a Price Book and a Master Grocery List. I’ve started both this morning in Evernote where I keep my homekeeping binder. It will likely take me a few weeks to get a working document system in place. But I’m pretty excited to see how well this works.

Some of the reasons I think this will work best for us is because we only get paid once a month, buying bulk items would save us money on most things, learning sale cycles is another and learning how to manage the food we have at home would be a huge benefit for me and my domestic skills.

Today I go shopping for a 2 week trial run. I’ve made the meals list, the ingredient list I need for these meals and now I just have to go through the kitchen and mark what I have, add to the shopping list what I don’t and then put our staple items on the list. My current food budget is $150/wk ($600 a month!) which is insane for 2 people even with my food allergy. If I can get 2 weeks worth of food for under $300 this time, I know I’ll be starting to see a change for the better.

The challenges I foresee are that Master is a carnivore. He must have meat at every meal. He doesn’t like beans or eggs so meatless meals are out – for him. I’m going to learn what meat cuts are cheaper and how to prepare them so they are still tender, but until then I think I’ll have to continue to cook what I know. I’m going to portion the meats smaller. It’s not right that 2 people at a whole pound of ground beef for tacos when most people feed 4 people on that amount. We should be able to get 2 meals out of roasts I make and a whole chicken can stretch to 5 meals if I try hard enough.

Also, food waste. I am terrible at wasting food, usually vegetables and lunchmeat. So, I hope to do the smart thing and prepare the veggies after purchase and freeze what I know I won’t need the first few days. Lettuce is always a culprit so I am switching to head lettuce which lasts a lot longer than bagged, especially in my Tupperware lettuce keeper, and I’ll need to get a lettuce knife eventually to do my fine shreds that I like for taco salads. Lunchmeat can be frozen too if it’s prepackaged, but Master won’t eat that – he likes the fresh sliced deli counter meats. I prefer them too. Maybe that will have to be a small weekly trip purchase with the dairy/produce replenishing.

I’m not doing this because we are short money, I’m doing it because I’d like to save money and pay a few debts with the overage. It would feel good to be debt free as many of you probably know and understand. This is one of the ways I can move us toward that end.

Wish me luck.

–lunaKM

UPDATE: Shopping done and I didn’t save a dime this time. I spent exactly $300. My biweekly budget. I’m hoping since I got some amazing deals on meats that the next trip will be cheaper and smaller. I may have to revisit my Master recipe list also and trim it down to more frugal meals.

 

It’s been quite awhile since I felt the desire to talk about what’s going on here at home. It’s nothing bad, just to get that worry off your face.

I recovered from the glutening and possible stomach flu. It was horrible. Master thinks I had a flu at the same time because that weekend after bringing him to froggyKM’s she got sick too. Master also was a bit under the weather but nothing like the girls were.

Loki is settling in just fine. He’s a very playful kitty, moreso than Max and Zeus ever were. I love watching him dump out all the toys and spread them across the floor. He’s affectionate and slowly learning his new name.

I still cry a bit every night for Zeus. He really was my cuddle buddy and I know Loki won’t be anything like him. Max has never cuddled. He likes to lay next to you but as soon as you move in close and wrap your arms around him he stiffens up and moves away. You could have hugged the stuffing out of Zeus and he’d just purr louder. I miss that.

Master spent a few days at froggy’s house a week ago. It was the first time in a long while that I had real alone time. I can’t say I got a whole lot done but I learned that I really miss him when he’s gone. I also think it’s beneficial for us to have time apart like that occasionally. I don’t think froggy would argue with having Master with her. :P

Last night was decided to be the last foot massage Master wants me to give him. He’s constantly stressed that I wear my wrists out for an entire day after the massage and the massage themselves are getting shorter and shorter. The Carpal Tunnel Syndrome really takes a toll on what I can and can’t do.

I cried. It was a removal of a service that I had done for him as a special thing between us. I’ve talked about it before as the focus to him is stronger during the foot massage and I feel like I’m in a submissive mindspace. Now I feel like a failure and that’s one more thing froggyKM can do that I can’t. He’s more than willing to find something service related that I can do special for him and came up with lotioning his body after a shower, and at other points. He’s always fought dry skin and so this will be a new less taxing service for my hands. I hope I can feel the same connection when I do it.

I’ve begun reading and researching about once a month shopping as it’s supposed to really save you money on groceries. Right now we spend 150.00 a week! I’d like to get that down to 350.00 a month if possible. I’m learning about price books, bulk shopping, smart deals and how to make a decent plan so that when I finally give it a go I have everything together that I need.

Eventually I’ll add freezer cooking to make my buck go even further. One thing at a time though!

–lunaKM