June 2013

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First, Loki is fitting in quite well. He’s extremely playful and all the toys we had that just sat in the box with Max and Zeus are now all over the floor in every room. It’s adorable until you step on one of those darned mice! Max has stopped hissing at him but will bat him away if he’s not interested in sniffing. Loki seems quite patient to let Max get to know him on his own time.

He’s quite the active kitty and I have yet to get him to lay with me for more than a few minutes at a time. He definitely prefers Master over me right now. But since it’s only been a week I’m sure he’ll warm to me eventually and I will get more cuddles than I am currently. He listens to Master when scolded that’s for sure. I could say NO until I’m blue in the face with him and he’ll just keep going. Immediate halt when Master says it. Must be that dominant attitude :P

On Thursday I had some store-brand chex. On Friday I got very sick. Apparently the ingredient list was okay but something wasn’t safe with those chex. I’ve been violently sick since then and every time I try to eat normally I’m sick again. I’ve never had a gluten reaction this severe. I’m concerned of course, but more that I’ve lost 7 lbs since Friday and I can’t get nearly as much fluids into me as what’s leaving. My chest muscles ache, my back aches, my head aches, I’m so tired. I slept all of Friday. Master says I was up maybe 3 hours on Friday. Saturday night I was awake most of the night. I don’t recall ever having insomnia before.

I’ve been miserable and I’m still not better. I’m hoping that I can keep some food down today. Dry toast works best, but I think I might get some applesauce or yogurt too. The BRAT diet for me all the way until I’m better. @AngelPet on Twitter said she had a reaction last 8 days. If that’s the case for me I’m only half way through my suffering.

–lunaKM

Went to the Animal Rescue League yesterday, they were having an adoption sale. All dogs and cats were $25. Fantastic deal. I went with the hopes of finding a Dog Cat (or Cat Dog).

Talked with a volunteer who know just the sort of cat I was looking for, “I have 3 at home,” she said.

We looked at a young little brown-patched girl that growled a lot when being pet and while that was endearing I thought Max would go bonkers with her.

The volunteer went out to ask the other volunteers about some of the other available cats and came back with a black short hair between 7 and 8. He stole my heart almost immediately. Very affectionate, came when called for attention, loved to be held.

So he had chosen me.

“Samson” became Loki in that moment.

It took 3 hours to go through the process of adoption. The place was so full of people for the sale and probably because of father’s day.

Took him home to introduce him slowly to Max. They hissed a couple times, Loki from his carrier and Max just outside. Then Max just walked away and laid down. Loki spent the night with Master in his office, exploring the room, getting love from Master and looking out the window.

When Master came to bed and move me to my palette on the floor he moved Loki in with him then too. Now there was one room open for Max to sniff and smell the new cat from.

I snuck in this morning to check on him while Master slept and was greeted with a hello and a kitty running to me for attention. He meowed a lot and pet himself against me, let me hold him. Knocked his head so hard against my chin (in affection) and that tail just wagged and wagged.

(I had read somewhere that a wagging tail in a cat means the opposite that when a dog does it, but with his other body language I didn’t get that impression. Maybe his previous life he lived with dogs?)

His litter box has almost been turned inside out (sigh) which is something I thought I had seen the end of when Zeus parted, but I guess not.

He’s going to be a ball of mischief, I can see that.

I think Zeus would have loved Loki. What I know so far – He’s a talker, loves attention, quite the explorer, has a tail that is wagging a mile a minute (and I can’t see that as aggressive when the rest of his body language says otherwise), loves to be held, knows how to open doors by pulling them and throws his litter all over the floor when he’s done :P “God of Mischief” indeed!

Thank you Zeus for being the great cat you were, to make me want to seek out another Dog Cat.

–lunaKM

Maybe Next Year

With the unexpected cost of Zeus’ hospital care, Master still needing more dental work and  lack of savings, we have made the reluctant decision not to move this year. We signed renewal papers last week and watched our rent go up $10 a month.

This has been a hard decision. It means a lot of things, but mostly that we’ll be far from froggy for another year. It’s such a long drive for her and while we’ve agreed to make the trek more often this year and hopefully even have Master staying there a few days I know it hurts her that we aren’t moving.

Master is working to get his Driver’s License so that he can go to her without me which would be a huge stress off of me. He doesn’t want to learn from froggy or I but it’s not easy finding a driver’s school that will take an adult for the driving portion without an insane fee on top of the regular rate. I’m not sure what to do about that right now.

So, since we’re here for another year, I’m going to make the most of it and try a bit of decorating for how I want the rooms to be in the long run. I’m picking colors, moving curtains around and purging old and unused things. Next up is going through my closet – which I’m not looking forward to.

I’m also going to rug doctor the carpets and see if I can get them almost beige again.

We can start looking for a house again next year.

–lunaKM

Unclear

There are moments in my life I wish I could erase. Usually they are my fault that things are screwed up and instead of letting them go, I stew about them for another several hours. Today is one of those days.

I feel undesirable, not sexy and definitely not fuckable by Master. He’s not given me any indication that I am any of those things, but now that I’m feeling a bit more desire for flirty, sexy behavior he hasn’t gotten into the swing of it yet.

I admit that the past week and some has been hell and I’ve been more than a little depressed and anti-social. But now all I want it love and intimacy and affection. If that means connecting through sex then I’m all for that.

But somewhere in there I forgot to tell Master that’s what I needed. So when he yanked me into the bedroom and forced me on the bed and thrust himself into me I froze. Was I to be just fuck meat? Was this some sort of self-pleasure for him? How was I to enjoy this when there was no emotion, no connection at all.

For several minutes he silently pumped away and I silently tried not to cry, confused and frustrated. He asked me if I was just going to lay there and not say anything.

That’s when I told him I didn’t know what to do, or what this fuck was supposed to be. He got off me and even more confused than I was before he explained that he was giving me what I wanted.

See, my fault all over it. Sometimes I just don’t communicate very well, if at all.

We’ll talk. And hopefully we’ll move on soon. The life of a slave is never a clear path. And I’m still learning.

–lunaKM

I need a vacation from grief. Or at least make it not hurt so much.

Our wedding anniversary is tomorrow and I don’t want to spend the day moping around. I’ve got permission from my Dr to up my antidepressant for awhile to cope. Just to give me a slightly normal day. That’s all I ask.

I can go back to seeing Zeus out of the corner of my eye after tomorrow. My sweet kitty. Just one day of peace, please.

–lunaKM

He will be missed.

Zeus

Zeus is a very sick cat. He’s in the hospital all weekend. Signs point to Liver cancer. Keep him in your thoughts please. I miss my cuddle buddy and want to bring him home. I can’t help but think the worst and that he’s leaving me. It was so sudden. I’ll know more tomorrow afternoon.