Jealousy Two-fer

Sara asks:

I have been reading your blog for quite awhile. I would personally struggle with the fact that master has another. So my question is two of fold. How do you control the jealousy? For me the entire time they were together I would be extremely uncomfortable, like he didn’t love me enough. Secondly this is more for him, why need a second? Is it because froggy is more of a masochist? Life styles are everyone’s own choice I’m just trying to understand when so many of your own demons have come up in the regard. You have strength to serve your master this way.

And anonymous asks:

How did you feel about froggy in the very beginning, and how did you deal with jealousy?

Well, so jealousy huh. The big green eyed monster hasn’t really reared its ugly head here. Jealousy is a fear of losing what you have. It’s a reactive emotion to fear. I would have to fear that Master were going to leave me or that he wouldn’t love me anymore or we wouldn’t play or have sex anymore for jealousy to really flare. I don’t feel any of that.

I have been envious of froggy for some of the things she is able to do that make Master happy that I can’t do. We talk about them and I feel so much better,.

But outright jealousy? I haven’t felt that and I think it’s because we are all really good at communicating things before they would get to that point.

In the beginning, well… in the beginning froggy was just a play partner for Master because he needed to be more sadistic and in ways that I couldn’t emotionally handle. That need drove him to depression and we discussed opening the relationship for play. It is a positive experience for us. froggy was one of his play partners. She’s been good friends to us also so it seemed a simple shift to consider a relationship with her.

Unlike relationships I read about online where the Dominant just says they want another submissive and doesn’t discuss it with them, Master and I had long discussions about how this would work for us and what we both would need to remember to keep our relationship just as strong as it always was. We never thought we’d ever be poly, but we realized that this was just a natural step for us. froggy is a part of our relationship now.

The question directed to Master, “why does he need a second and if it’s because froggy is more of a masochist” I hope I’ve shed a bit of light on already but he answered it and I’ll share a bit more about why I think he needs a second.

He says, “yes.”

Froggy is more of a masochist and has different play cravings and activities that he can engage in that he can’t with me. Either I’m too whimpy or that I can’t handle the play emotionally. That was the reason we sought a play partner for him to begin with. He doesn’t NEED a second. It could have stayed that way forever, just play partners fulfilling his sadistic needs but with froggy she filled both of us and the connection was just more. So it was an organic closeness that drew us to becoming a larger relationship. It just happened and we are better because of it.

4 comments

  1. other Sara’s avatar

    Thanks for answering. I was the anonymous one. I am really the Froggy in my situation. I lost my collar, he got a new sub, and I came back in because she couldn’t handle any pain whatsoever, even a spanking. This was asked more to understand how she feels. She is always jealous and hateful towards me. We are rarely friendly, no matter how I try. I was amazed that you and Froggy were friends. I respect your openness in your relationship. The extent of our play is kept from the other sub. I struggle more with her having children that I have to watch while I am infertile, and cooking for her. I do her housework. She hates her kids and I would love a child. I sort of resented her for things she could do and I couldn’t (like fisting) but I am happier in my situation reading what you write and knowing I am not the only one who thinks or feels and expresses opinions.

  2. froggyKM’s avatar

    Anonymous other sarah, i’d like to share some more with you. I’ve had to learn quite a bit in our relationship together. Yes, I felt envy, jealousy, and frustration. I’ve cried, gone missing, and beat myself up for my desicions I’ve made. Then I would be upset with my reactions. It has taken all, yes all, of us to get through it. When I realized I needed reassurance from LunaKM, I learned to ask for it. Communication has to be in place, open minds, open arms, and loving hearts. LunaKM and I were friends first, and I believe it’s made things go along a bit smoother. I would have to say I’m the one who has struggled more in this developing relationship and its my own fault. I came to KnyghtMare and LunaKM after a failed poly relationship. KnyghtMare helped me see myself again, looked past what had happened and saw the inner me. I’ve come along way, and I have so much farther to go. If you get anything from my response, remember to be true to yourself and ask for what you need and want, the answer might surprise you.

  3. Sara’s avatar

    I was the first Sara. Thank you all for the very personal look into your lives. I’m personally struggling with alot of demons. I’m dealing with a broken relationship that was new to bdsm, and I was confronted with a third. I didn’t handle it well. So thank you, in many ways you have helped to see what a positive dom/sub relationship should be. Knyghtmare sounds like a wonderful man.

  4. other Sara’s avatar

    Thanks, Froggy. I tried talking to her. It made things easier. I have done extreme things, too. I always talk to him and never her. I think I didn’t realize I needed to communicate with her too. Maybe that is why my first poly also failed. Hmmm

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