I’ve got two questions that are similar enough for me to try and answer them together.
What are the best resources you know of to find a potential new master? I know you’ve been with KM for a long time, but I’m searching for my Dom, and not quite sure where to start. I hate all the phonies.
I am new to BDSM and was just wondering if it were possible to be happy in the “Scene” without finding a lifetime partner? I have so far only found men who are looking for a quick hook-up and have nothing to do with BDSM and I am starting to think maybe finding a partner in BDSM is a pipe dream? Any suggestions? Thank You very much.
First, I always have to say that finding a Dominant is the same as finding a partner of any other sort, you just have more compatibility to have to match up. Everyone has different dating lives (the duration you date before you find “the one”) so there is no way to force that to be shorter. It’s just life.
With that said, finding a Dominant specifically requires you to go where they are. You can find them in at least these three places.
1. BDSM groups. Most larger areas have at least one BDSM munch group, party group or a convention. If you are active in the scene you will encounter single people of all types that already identify as Dominant or submissive.
2. Online BDSM dating sites and communities/chat rooms. The online dating scene is huge and of course you will find fakes mixed in with genuine people – but you will in the regular dating scene as well. Keep working through them and eventually you will find the real article. If you need to know where these online communities are, just use your favorite search engine and use the words ‘BDSM dating’ or ‘BDSM chat’.
3. Vanilla dating sites and vanilla places but they don’t openly identify as Dominant. These are harder to find of course, but they do exist. Dating a Dominant vanilla person and turning them on to kink isn’t unheard of – just difficult or impossible.
Now, is it possible to be happy in the “scene” while single? Sure it is. You just have to find what makes you happy about being single. Perhaps you love to volunteer your time to the BDSM group near you, be independent in your play partner selection and casually enjoy kink without the relationship trappings. It’s up to you how you handle being single.