February 2013

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2013.

This is one of those posts where I’ve spent almost 10 minutes staring at this blank page wondering what I’m going to write about. I’m sure I have plenty to say though so I’m just going to write whatever comes to mind until what’s important finally gets said.

The past 2 days I’ve been off, emotionally. Master first noticed it but now I’m really feeling it. It’s like I have the blahs, but also have something heavy sitting on my heart that I can’t explain. I don’t know what is causing it because I’m so very happy with our relationship and situation right now. I don’t think I could be more fulfilled as a person. I’m hoping the blues will lift soon as I’m craving playtime.

And that’s an unusual positive in my life at the moment. It’s been months since Master and I had an SM session. I can still remember it vividly because I was pushed so far and it was so amazing to reach the heights that I did and I can’t believe I’ve waited so long to feel that intimacy with him again. And now I need it. I need that kind of love.

I’ve told Master that I want to play soon. He’s always looking forward to it because he loves playing and misses playing with me. I’m not sure if my mind just decided to take a break from kinky pleasures but it’s been an insanely long dry spell for Master and I. He has froggy thankfully to help fill the void, but as he’s explained countless times; playing with froggy is not the same as playing with me (same goes with fucking).

Makes sense, right?

On to other things… I’ve not been eating much lately. I’m just not interested in food and the food I am interested is full of gluten. So bad to be craving it that I splurged at the store today and bought GF toaster pasteries. I’d never seen them before but imagine my joy at seeing something like Pop-tarts? Yeah, well I won’t get them again. It was like biting into strawberry rubber bands. Hard, gummy, icky, not worth it. *sigh*

I go to the Dr. tomorrow for my re-occurring UTI. I could have sworn I kicked it last time, but no, it’s still lingering. While it is no where near as bad as last time I still suffer. It is definitely making me feel miserable.

Well, I just got up to make Master’s coffee and now I’m lost my train of thought so I might just end it here. No use rambling any longer tonight.

–lunaKM

Work Rules

You know how in my last post I said I needed to find a way to make homecare work and that I had some things in mind for reworking the binder and to do lists and what-not?

Well Master one-upped me and made it a rule that I had to do at least 1 hour of cleaning a day before I could do any Subguide work. And I already had the rule for no gaming until subguide work was done. Ugh.

Today was the first day of that. I got the cleaning done and then spent the afternoon doing errands so I haven’t got any subguide work done yet. It stinks! He really does have the right mind though and I probably will do better with an inflexible rule than doing it myself. He’s a smart man.

Tonight I’ll work on subguide and see how much I can get done. I always have things to get going and write so I’m sure that I will be busy right up until bedtime.

Tomorrow is the Sub Forum. We’ll be talking about sex in D/s relationships. I feel it will be a lively discussion. I have a few topics of discussion planned but I’m sure that people will be compelled to talk. Heh. It is sex after all.

Speaking of sex it has been a long time since Master and I have had sex. We’ve had fun but with my UTI and then being sick and then my period and now my recurring UTI it’s been so hard on both of us.

Tonight I’m off to give Master a foot massage and then work on the writing I want to get done.

–lunaKM

Hi guys! I’m happy again this week because I’m down again :)

  • Last week’s weigh in: 347.4
  • This week: 346.3
  • Difference: -1.1

I’m down just over 8 lbs since the 1st of January. Yay! I might be able to get to half of my goal by Pentatonix.

Oh and Master said that as long as it appears I’m trying and still working on my health that I get to go to the concert! Woo-hoo!

Here’s my SP snapshot for my food planning.

February 25, 2013 by lunaKM | 1 comment

On numerous occasions since I’ve been a stay at home submissive and wife I have attempted to create a home management journal to aid me in staying on task with the house work. The idea was to make the housework like a job because when I did work I was a manager and the SOP was developed by me and worked well to keep me on task, had all the directions and expectations down of the job and kept me organized.

I’ve wanted something like that at home and there have been many permutations of it. I have a huge 3 ring binder with half of one developed using flylady.net, I tried to put it online but that never got anywhere because I stopped using the site on a daily/hourly basis to keep me on task. I have google reminders that come into my email every day with the days chores on it but I don’t even read them anymore.

I’ve learned a few things about myself and the way I work that might help me finally develop a home care system that works for me.

  • I love to do lists – written on paper and the feeling of checking them off is a great thrill.
  • Even though I spend a lot of my afternoons and evenings online doing work or recreation I don’t utilize the computer to keep me on task with housework well.
  • I work best on a timer or time schedule. Having a set time that things have to get done presses me to actually do them.
  • I clean better and longer when music is going. Music I can dance and sing to. Music that moves me. It has been so long since I had music going during the day.
  • The cleaning jobs that I enjoy the least are the ones that tend to cause my biggest problems. They are like hurdles that make me stop altogether rather than working through them. Things like laundry, mopping and cleaning the litter box are huge procrastination chores that end up being worse than they have to be if I tackled them in smaller pieces.
  • I really enjoy the iPad app I have called Unfilth Your Habitat (UfYH). It plays to my strengths of to do lists, timers and challenges. I’d like to get into the habit of using it more.

Knowing all this, and that Master wants a clean home (so do I of course), and the huge old home care binder sitting here taunting me to work on it I really desire to make something work.

None of this prep work will work if I don’t apply myself. Just as I need to apply myself to changing my diet and exercise, “The Year of the Slut” and being the best slave Master could ever want, I have to do the same for the domestic part of my life.

I’ve been at this stay at home thing for over 4 years, you’d think I’d get my ass in the game already but I’m so darned lazy. I was brought up in a household that had chore “day” every 2 weeks where we all had to pull chores out of a hat and do what we drew out. That was it for expected work load on us. I did keep a relatively clean bedroom but that was just because I had huge closets to hide everything. My upbringing is no excuse though.

I know what Master expects of me and my chores. I should be doing it – and yet he constantly has to comment on the state of the home. I mean, what happens when we move somewhere bigger? I’ll have more chores to do and a larger house to care for. I can’t let it get bad. I must learn now to work at home.

What’s it going to take? I’m not 100% sure yet, but I do know that the binder will be reincarnated yet again. I need something tangible with lists that I can cross off items as they are done. I need timers and goals. I need to know what is expected of myself every single day of the week.

I really can do this.

–lunaKM

Grocery Pains

When a girl is in PMS she has certain cravings. Typically they are chocolate and chips for me. But this month I’ve got the cravings for bread. Gluten free bread just doesn’t taste like bread I used to know, ya know? It’s really hard on me right now. Luckily I do have GF bread to help a bit and Master lets me have Coke and chocolate when I need it.

Boy oh boy are the cramps something else though. It makes me wish I didn’t have a uterus sometimes. Ugh. I feel miserable and it’s so sweet how Master checks on me all the time. I love him so much for it.

Went grocery shopping today. If you recall I’ve been trying to reduce our grocery budget by 30%. Not going so well. We are a meat eating couple and a really good way to reduce your budget is to have meatless meals. If I were alone I’d be fine with that, but Master doesn’t like beans or the veggies that usually do the bulk of work when you have meatless meals. So… I’m gonna have to figure out how to work this out so that it works for me and my goals. It might mean that I make separate meals for myself that are more frugal and then the meat for Master. I don’t know. That plan is for March. I wanted to be at $130/week on groceries by the end of this month and I’m not. I’m still at $150. Gah.

Alright so I know one of my problems is that I like to have stock in the pantry. I don’t like running out of things. So, like this week, we have 3 cans of veggies in the pantry, so what do I do but get 3 more cans. We won’t go through those 3 cans this week but I don’t like to only have one of each veggie that Master eats. Silly, I’m sure.

The other problem is that my dietary needs aren’t cheap. So I can either go without (which I tend to choose) or I can remove something else off my list so that I can have GF specific stuffs. I really need to learn more make at home things and actually DO THEM.

Now, we aren’t poor and the need to be frugal isn’t really a need in that respect. I just feel good about my place here at home if I work to save money and enjoy providing Master with a home that he loves being in, yummy food on the table and extra money in his pocket.

Nothing wrong with that, right?

–lunaKM

OMG guys! I got back to where I was 2 weeks ago!

  • Last week’s weigh in: 351
  • This week: 347.4
  • Difference: -3.6

That means I’m down a little over 7 lbs since November, no where near the 20 I challenged myself to be. But heck. If I can keep this and keep going I’m happy. I’m going to include a snapshot of my food diary so you can see what I’ve been tracking this week.

Now, my goal has been to monitor my carbs and keep them in a moderately low range (60-100 gms/day). I am shocked that the calories are so low because I am not going to be hungry at all and don’t think I could make myself eat more to get that number up.

All in all, I’m happy!

February 18, 2013 by lunaKM | 4 comments

I’m Online

I often wish that I wasn’t such an online figure. The people who contact me and read what I write on Submissive Guide have this illusion that I’m a perfect submissive even when I share my struggles and inabilities to do things there and I get uncomfortable at times with how high up on that pedestal I am for them.

Sure I can be a role model, but I’m still human and I still make mistakes. I am not perfect and I don’t pretend to be. I’ve been known to embellish my submission to make it sound like I’m doing better than I am, but in all honestly I think most people have their moments.

I’m still learning, always will be working my way towards perfection and hope to continue to make Master happy in whatever ways I can. He accepts that I will slip up but he also upholds his responsibility to make sure that if I do I’m pushed back into place.

I do really enjoy being out there online though, which is a contradiction to the first part of this post for sure. I like knowing that my words help others, that there are submissives and slaves growing in their own submission because of the wisdom the gleaned from something I wrote or something one of the contributors shared. It is a great day when I get a thank you from someone who found there way through a difficult time because of some inspiration they found on Submissive Guide.

There’s no going back. I’m out there and I will be for quite some time. I’m not an anonymous voice and that was a choice I made early on. I wanted people to connect with me personally.

I guess what I’m saying is that some days I wish I wasn’t lunaKM of Submissive Guide but just KnyghtMare’s slave and nothing more. Perhaps I need to figure out how to separate the two so that I’m not always thinking about the next post, or reading email or searching for an interesting topic to write about, etc.

Well I’m off now. Going to get some housework done. Froggy is coming tomorrow!

–lunaKM

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day Master Appreciation Day. Hopefully he’ll have a good day, full of love and appreciation for who he is in my life. Tonight however, I’m not feeling my best. I’m considering an early night so that I can shake whatever it is I have.

When I went to the store today I brought home chocolate, flowers, coffee and a card. He loved it.

Im off to rest.

– lunaKM

« Older entries