In the last post I had a lot of comments, mostly on FetLife, and I think I need to talk about this some more.
I realize that it’s alright to feel possessive and jealous and whatnot. That wasn’t the point. I’m working with those emotions because, and this is the important piece, I don’t want to be possessive about using his name. I have enough of him that is just mine that the name is just pennies in comparison.
It’s unhealthy for me to attach my identity as his slave with using the term Master. It means I’m not finding my own identity within myself. If I want to progress further, which I do, I must find my own way of identifying that doesn’t rely on anyone or anything else. I am a slave. I am not a slave because I call KM Master. That’s the issue.
Part of my knee jerk reaction is that I feel if froggy calls him Master I will lose a part of myself. We all know that’s not true – it’s an irrational thought. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know that for the longest time a few years ago I even questioned if I was submissive at all. It took me a lot of mental work to realize that I was exactly where I want to be.
A lot of you said that I should keep the title as my own and she has to use something else. That’s already the case but she has an issue that she doesn’t feel the same as if she were to use Master. Sure that could be her attaching her identity and connection to it – but that’s her problem. She can work on that if she wants to. Yes, it’s true that I may never be able to let her use the title Master, I don’t know.
I agree that the primary relationship should have some special qualities about it and that I don’t have to share everything with her. It’s however I feel the most comfortable. I don’t feel comfortable with how I am attached to Master as a title of importance to my own slavehood.
What I have to do is figure out how to detach my slave identify from his title. It’s not going to be a fast process and froggy knows that I’m not ready for her to use the title of Master. All she can do is continue to use her chosen one until I’m ready.
It’s a progressive shift and one that I’m working on.