August 2012

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There isn’t a whole lot on my mind today. I did some work, some housework and watched Master recover from a bad night’s sleep.

He just gobbled up a huge bowl of ice cream for dinner. ;) He’ll have something else later I’m sure.

Talked with my mom today. She’s going to have to have eye surgery soon for cataracts in both of her eyes.  I’m going to be with her when she has the surgery – she’s scared. I would be too.

It’s interesting that Master and I watch a lot of the same shows over and over.

  • MASH
  • Friends
  • Avatar: the Last Airbender
  • Full Metal Alchemist
  • Seinfeld
  • Burn Notice
  • Mythbusters

to name a few…

We seem to watch them in cycles. He has his preferences and I have mine. :)

Tomorrow we are going to a Rennaisance Faire with friends. It should be a good time. The only questionable thing will be my being able to eat. I may have to pack a lunch. I’m looking forward to the shows and attractions and being with friends.

Then when we head home Master and froggy will play and I’ll go somewhere to work on Subguide stuff. I’m pretty caught up this week even though I missed a day yesterday feeling major sinus issues.

That’s about it then.


Walking Waffles

Master and I just got back from a walk. He’s made us go do it 3 times in the past week so far. I say that because if it were up to me I’m just fine on my ass. Walking is a pain. But it must be doing some good because the back pain I have is slowly subsiding. I do look forward to the day that I can walk the whole 1.25 miles without my back hurting at all.

(Grr, he guessed what I was writing just now without even looking. I hate when he reads my mind.)

Those waffles I’ve been dreaming about having now that we have a waffle maker? Tomorrow morning baby! I’m going the easy route. I bought some Gluten Free Bisquick.

The emotional struggle from the other day has dissipated as I knew it would. I feel better about my place in the relationship and know that my voice will be heard if I ever have problems again. Both Master and froggy responded admirably to my strife.

Okay, I’m pooped. I’m off to relax before bed.



This weekend was … difficult….

Friday night started out harmless enough and then something triggered inside of me and I had my first irrational tantrum about how I felt unappealing and inadequate for Master now that froggy was in our lives and that I knew it was irrational but I couldn’t help feeling it anyway. For Master’s part he did an excellent job soothing my fears and reassuring me that the ring on my finger was forever and that he found me to still be the sexy woman he collared years ago.

I fell asleep with that echoing in my ears. He wakes me up to move me to my palette on the floor and I have a headache. It’s mild yet so I take some meds to hopefully fend it off. It didn’t work.

I woke up with something close to a migraine but not full-blown. I had sound sensitivity and felt like crap. Definitely not how I wanted to feel with froggy coming up for a visit.

She arrived (with a pink daisy for me!) and the day went by so slowly. I couldn’t shake the headache but was also thankful that I didn’t develop nausea or anything else.

Unfortunately, I didn’t leave like I usually did and Master didn’t want to play with me in the other room napping, out of concern for me. I felt bad that she didn’t get the play she was looking forward to.

It was just a mess in my head all around. Sure things happen and we can’t always have smooth plans. But the fact that I hindered her fun made me feel horrible.

Master questioned me later, asking if I had faked the headache…. I was appalled that he would think that I’d do that to him and froggy. Hopefully he trusted my response of no I was really in pain. It did subside about 10pm and I understand his confusion because it didn’t act like a “normal” migraine, but I was in pain all day.

froggy is coming up this Saturday and we are going to the Renn Faire. Then in the afternoon/evening they are going to try playing again. froggy has a busy month ahead and won’t get to come up to see us for weeks. Ick!


Free Stress

I think I dealt with some of my first feelings of inadequacy tonight. I started questioning whether I was appealing to Master anymore now that froggy is in the picture. I’m seeing things that aren’t there really. We did talk about it and I agree that I’m just going through some thought processes that don’t add up.

Thankfully Master and I can talk so well. He’s right though, and I can see where I’m making things up to make me feel this way. I’m guessing that all new poly groups have something like this when there is a lot of new relationship energy but it’s one sided. The other partner starts to see things that aren’t there and feels like they aren’t enough anymore. I’m sure I’ll even out a bit as time goes on.

On to other news I’m still dealing with extreme fatigue mid afternoon. I really hope that the additional thyroid meds help that because all of my other blood tests came back normal. It’s really messing with my normal functionality and my sex drive is in the crapper too (which isn’t helping with the feelings of being unappealing).

I feel so out of touch with myself – like I’m just surviving and not really living. No vibrancy, no joy in my day to day activities. I’ve lost connection to them.

Yet the new rules and protocol feel good. Master has expressed numerous times that he likes the new protocol we added. Maybe it’s an adjustment phase I’m going through – could I be evolving?

I don’t know. I have this sensation that I’m being squeezed tight, unable to breathe or move. I need freedom, and soon.



This week has started out pretty busy for me. I charged right into chores on Monday morning and got a lot accomplished. Yesterday I was laundry whore and did 5 loads of laundry. Can you believe I still have a couple more? Amazing how many fabric items we have that needed washing. I vow to not wait so long in the future.

Master imposed a new rule as far as when the dishes have to be done. I’ve been letting it slip and while they are getting done everyday they weren’t getting done before bed and that was annoying to him. He likes to see the kitchen cleaned up when he’s up late at night. My new rule is that the dishwasher has to be loaded by 10pm. After only 3 days it’s working. I really hope I can keep that up because it’s something that has bothered me too.

In other domestic goodness Master wants me to try to make English Toad in the Hole which is bangers in a Yorkshire pudding pretty much. I’ll be trying my hand at it soon. I also got all the supplies to make gluten free waffles. I can’t wait to try them! I’ve never had a waffle iron so this will be fun.

No picture of my new hair color yet. I promise I’ll post one just as soon as I get around to it. I need to record a video post for Submissive Guide tomorrow so if there’s not still frame shot you’ll have video on Friday to see.

Master admitted to be a bit stressed/depressed today but couldn’t pinpoint a real cause. I’ll have to apply the sexy charm tomorrow and see if I can pop that bubble.


Being Present

This weekend was a big weekend for Master and froggy. froggy got her collar (a pretty pink sapphire anklet) and had her ex’s initials removed from a tattoo. It was a really nice day I think. She smiled all day long. :)  I’m quite happy for them. It seems to work well in our relationship too – in that is has lots of positive benefits.

For me, Master has tightened the control leash as requested and he’s loving the response I think. I’m still thrown off by it occasionally but to hear him directly command me to do things is hot and keeps me focused where it needs to go.

I also asked for an additional bit of protocol that he has expressed that he loves. I noticed that when I serve him that I’m always rushing out to do something else – like his service wasn’t the most important thing on my mind at the time – every time. I asked him to help me be more present in the moment. I am now required to wait for him to say thank you for whatever I have delivered, ask him if there is anything else he needs and then be dismissed. He loves dismissing me. It works for me too because then I’m more present for him and not thinking about what I need to do once I drop off his coffee/food/item/etc.

If you haven’t figured out I love protocol. I like the ritual feel of it and having specific rules and behaviors is one of my loves in this life. Master enjoys it too which is why we work so well together. My coffee service has gotten to be a big production now and much of it was because I asked for it and he liked it so it stayed. Most people that I tell my ritual too think it is just way to involving just to prepare and bring him his coffee but it is a wonderful way that I stay connected to him frequently throughout the day.

I’m certain that my life will continue to add elements of protocol to it in beautiful and practical ways.


Hair Change

I’m feeling much better today. The migraine hit late on Wednesday night but I think I was able to reduce the intensity by medicating before it happened. That was a blessing. What wasn’t was that I had postdrome (migraine hangover) all day on Thursday. I was miserable. Which of course killed all hope for play.

Tonight I hope to play and it’s looking promising. Master had a grand time this afternoon with the pussy pump and the arousal gel. I think I had an orgasm that was off the charts when he was done. Tonight promises saran wrap and clothespins. And pain. Yum.

froggy will be here in the morning, early. Hopefully she’ll help me dye my hair. I’ve had the dye for a week. Of course that means getting up early which I haven’t done in a while. Oh well. Girlie time is worth the sacrifice! We might even have time to grab some breakfast before we wake up KM.

I cut in some bangs the other day. I’m not professional at it, but I wanted something shorter in front to give the barrel roll a try. I haven’t tried yet but I plan to. Master already doesn’t like the bangs and I’m indifferent. They are long enough to put back and they aren’t exactly short or odd looking I guess we’ll see if they end up being useful.




I’ve got what I can only surmise is a Migraine Aura right now. I’m not sure if taking meds can head it off, but I’m going to hope. A Migraine Aura is a pre-cursor to the migraine itself. Since I commonly have these darn headaches I’ve gotten pretty good at noticing the signs of one coming. For me that is dizzyness, acute nausea and fatigue. If it doesn’t become a migraine in 24 hours then I’ll know that I was either 1. able to prevent it with meds, or 2. it was something else entirely.

So, there’s that. Purina has discontinued the only cat food that my cats gulp down but more importantly, don’t throw right back up. I have one bag left and then I have to find something else. I’ll be transitioning them with this last bag. Gosh I hope they will tolerate the new food.

Master and I had plans to play today but with my sudden illness I asked to put it off until tomorrow. If I don’t have a migraine that is. He had me get plastic wrap at the store for playtime. I’m excited!

I’m also so far behind on the fortnight of blow jobs it feels like it will never end. Sex isn’t supposed to feel like a chore but this isn’t fun anymore. Oh well. Just a few more and I’m done. Done with the challenge that is. I’ll never be done sucking his dick.

Froggy comes up for a visit on Saturday. I’m looking forward to it. Should have a good time. She’s such a wonderful person to be around.

I’m coming along nicely I think with my internal thoughts of when Master and froggy finally have sex. I didn’t have any issues with the anal sex so I really doubt there’s much more to work out in my head. Then he’ll be fully poly and I’ll be comfortable with it.  I honestly never thought that I’d be an open relationship sort of person but it’s come by pretty easily. Go me.

Well, that’s it for now.


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