July 2012

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Nothing really exciting to talk about today. It was a good weekend though.

Hung out with friends on Saturday night and had a great time chatting about anything and everything. froggy will be up again next weekend for the munch and the day. Things are going well over all.

Just a great life we lead right now.

Tonight I even told Master that I think I’m getting better with “wanting” to give blowjobs. It’s been a long long time but I actually felt just fine offering myself for a blowjob and had fun doing it!

I weighed in today 1 lb down from last week. I hope I can hang on to it! I’m way off from the goal I’ve set myself but I do hope to continue losing. I’m going to exercise tomorrow morning.

Zeus has been really clingy lately. I’m not sure why. He’s a cuddle cat for sure, but he’s been demanding for attention. It’s hard to figure out. Here he comes again for me attention. Hrm.


Thegoodgoodgirl on FetLife asked me to write about my most embarrassing sex moment. It took me a good long while to think about it, but I have one. It’s a recurring one too so there you go ggg.

I have an amazingly flexible ass. It relaxes like nobody’s business. But plugs and me haven’t gotten along well because no matter how small the neck or how bulbous the head it had one fate.

To become a butt missile.

I don’t even have to be in the throws of orgasm for it to shoot out at mach speed. This is something I never get used to. I turn beet red and moan in mortification each and every time.

Master doesn’t care. It’s a non-issue for him. If it comes out he knows I’m ready for the next larger size. But for me it means that I can’t even wear one around during the day without worrying that it will just drop out mid-stride.

We have an njoy plug that I really enjoy and can successfully keep in as long as I don’t have to go to the bathroom.  I learned that lesson the first time I felt is slip and the squeezing of the muscles actually just helped it along. *clank* Not the sound you want to hear in the stall next to you.

So there it is. My most embarrassing sex moment, replays over and over again. In my dismay and for Master’s chagrin. Larger plugs will always be in my future.


Master’s Cock

I woke up horny today and asked Master for some fuck me into the bed and have me walk bow-legged sort of sex. We planned it for after he was awake and I had gone grocery shopping.

And then I picked up the 20 lbs box of cat litter wrong and popped my back.

So my fucked hard into the bed didn’t happen. I did give him some pleasure mid-afternoon which was lots of fun and more intimate than I thought it would be. Tonight we adjusted my desires to accommodate my still achy back. I got a good fuck and two orgasms!

I could spend an entire post just talking about how wonderful Master’s cock is. I love to look at it and touch it. I think it is the most beautiful cock I have ever seen. Perhaps that’s because I love him and anything attached to him or it could be because of how he makes me feel when he uses it.

He has the most perfect thick uncut cock I’ve ever experienced. I used to think that his flaccid cock was unappealing, but recently I’ve begun to look at it with different eyes. I find it very interesting that I can still see him in new ways after 8 years. Master so easily relaxes into pleasure from my slightest touch and then it leaps into life. That leap fills me with a thrill that I can only sense in the pit of my stomach, something so primal, so natural.

And when it engorges and grows it is my lust that pulls me to caress it, to stroke it and to want to feel it deep within me. That heat and the drumming of my heart that pulls passion to the surface. It envelopes me.

When he abandons himself in pleasure I get to see into his soul. He gives me glimpses in that half lidded stare of bliss as I’m sucking on his cock or that lopsided smile he gets when I’m licking my juices off his fingers. That’s when I feel pulled into him, swirling into his world. It really is euphoria when he takes me there.

There are times where just touching him and being able to inhale his scent is all that I need; that comfort and intimacy wafting into my very being. Today has been one of those days.


All Wrapped Up

It’s a scorcher out there today! I think it got to 99 with a heat index of 107. Ick. The AC is doing alright keeping up. I think it got to 79 in here in the peak of it.

This weekend was the dinner and discussion on humiliation. It was a pretty good topic but the fun we had at the table was more attractive. There was gratuitous groping “pass the grope” much like telephone, tossing lemons into someone’s ample boobage and hilarity abounding. So much fun. I wore my new wrap dress from SWAKDesigns.com and I love it. I shared a picture on FetLife and Facebook, but here it is again for you.

Click to enlarge

This is the 2nd dress I’ve purchased from them and I really like the fit and style. I hope to get more from them soon-ish.

I didn’t lose any weight last week (still at 353), but I also promised Master I would start doing exercise videos and didn’t do that. This week will change all that. In fact I did 10 mins this morning from a sparkpeople.com video. It wasn’t bad but I know I can do more. Every little bit helps! Smart choices with my food today too. That is something I can easily maintain. My goal is to be at or under 300 by next May.

Froggy comes up on Saturday and we’ll be hanging out with our friends Ms Kiva and sissy Rachelle for dinner. I’m really looking forward to it, we have so much fun conversing with other people who understand us.

Speaking of understanding I’m still reading “The Ethical Slut” for Submissive Guide but it’s been helping me understand my feelings with the openness of our own relationship. Without really working at it I am processing all of my thoughts and it feels good to know that I’m able to see a positive doorway opening up. I’ll be talking to Master soon about the things I’ve been thinking and feeling. This jealousy is normal and natural I’m finding and my possessive feelings, or my competitiveness are all a part of the whole. And yet I know that we can love more than one person without jeopardizing the primary relationship. It’s just re-wiring how I was raised and the social working that say that monogamy is the only way to be happy.

Master has been really fighting with the payment processor that we have for the new Submissive Guide Club in development since their API is crap and they don’t have really good security. I hate seeing him struggle and we’d have to do less if my ex and I hadn’t let our credit go to crap. I’m still clawing my way out of that hole but I think it’s going to be another 4 years before I’m in B grade. Progress is slow because this is the first step to making dreams happen.

Writing is slow. I feel the pressure to produce good content and it’s slowing me down, even though I haven’t had issues in the past for some reason it is getting me now.  I’m writing for the Society of Janus and I feel great that it’s getting good compliments and Submissive Guide has practically doubled in visitor count since last year. I have to get working on more ebooks and courses so that the content doesn’t stagnate. Ya know, I keep forgetting sometimes that I’m running a business and not just a blog.

Thanks for listening.


Froggy was here yesterday and did my best to not be around so that Master and she could have a nice day together. I had a lot of things to do and places I could be so it wasn’t a big deal. Having special private time is something I know is important for both of us sharing Master. Just as she gets her private time, Master and I make sure that we have a date night to reconnect and just reassure each other that that primary relationship is important.

I’ve been working internally with processing Master and froggy having sex someday. They are both being nice in not pressuring me and letting me process and work though the thoughts surrounding it on my own. With things like that I’ve learned you can’t push it any faster than your mind is willing.

I admit that I feel jealousy. I have these feelings that things might change between Master and I – that I’ll be less valuable or that he’s enjoy being with her more than me. These are all understandable and things I need to conquer. I know that our relationship is stable and secure and I’m certain that our relationship is strong. I have no doubt that we’ll stay together no matter what happens.

Relationships happen and I am okay with froggy and Master having a relationship. Since he’s been with her our relationship has been amazing. It’s like there is a breath of fresh air into it. Definitely worth it for us. Opening an existing relationship is hard, I don’t care who you are. But for some it is worth it. It doesn’t mean there is something lacking in our relationship, not one bit. It’s just another way to love and we accept that we can love more than one person at a time.

After she left we had the most amazing sex and even butt sex that we’ve had in awhile. The massage table was at a perfect height. I’m so relaxed now that I’m not wondering if my stomach issues are going to hinder sex. Going with a gluten intolerance and removing gluten from my diet has been the best thing for our sex life – and my life in general. (I sure do miss flour tortillas though.)

Moving on to today, I’m feeling needy and have gotten all the hugs and attention I seem to need. We’re going to a movie tonight – shortly actually.


Hot and Messy

This post is going to be all about sex so if you don’t want to read about sex then I suggest you skip this post now.

Still here? Good.

Today was a great fucking day. Master is like a kid in a candy store when it comes to sex. He loves all of it. That little smile he gets when he says, “I love making you come on command because I get to give you lots of orgasms.” I love it too Master, I really do.

I feel like I’m being pounded into the bed most of the time and it’s fantastic. He gets that I love it hard and deep. I’m such a slut at times in bed.

And then, going through our sex toy chest, he comments, “We have a lot of sex toys!” Uh-huh, boy do we and I don’t expect it will get any smaller. Besides we need bigger, giant toys to stuff in wet places, don’t we? I think so.

Master has had me looking at fucking machines. We’ll be getting one in the next year or so. I want one that is adjustable, can have 2 dildos attached to it or be out of the way enough for Master to ride me while I’m being fucked too. I want to fulfill that DP fantasy even more. He can’t wait to tie me down and watch me get fucked with it. Oh yes, such fun will be had!

Tonight Master gave me an orgasm that was one of those whoosh orgasms (reference Eddie Murphy). He said he will keep me forever because of those orgasms. Heh. I think there’s more to him than that, but hell – it’s sure a bonus!

He had me so hot for him after that I asked, no begged to suck his cock. And I really wanted to! It is so much better when I have primal desires and I react to them. I think Master would agree. Slut space rocks.

I’ve never had so much fulfilling and satisfying sex in my life than I have with Master. He just gets me.


Hot Sexy

My Master is a hot sexy piece of man. We had some fantastic sex today and I’m so very happy with him. We are going to play soon too (he mentioned fire play). There is so much about him that I hold as sacred. He is my man, my love, my Master and I can not think of anyone else that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with.

I can’t express in a blog post just how electric sex is with him, how good he makes me feel, so alive and so into him. It’s rough and primal – it’s strong and it’s intimate. So powerful. Lust.

Each and every time I go to a sub forum I feel so joyfully in love that I can’t help myself. Just talking to other submissives about life and the lifestyle  makes me feel more connected to my own inner strength. I know I can do anything if I set my mind to it. I can pick up the pieces and stick to the path.

I’ve slipped recently and let some rules fall away. Master has noticed and brought it to my attention. I asked him to tighten the leash for a bit. And I expect that he will. No more being lazy. I shall remember my place and fall in line. He has my obedience.


I’m not doing well today. I went to bed with a headache, it was gone when Master moved me to my sleeping mat on the floor but when I woke up it was back and has lingered all day long. It’s making me feel miserable and withdrawn from Master.

He feels helpless to help me because I don’t know what I need to feel better. The migraine meds aren’t really reducing it all that much and I don’t feel any other sinus symptoms to think it’s a sinus headache. I know he wants to take care of me, he looks so worried when I catch his eye. Could it be an accidental glutening? I haven’t a clue. I’ve been good about what I’m eating lately. Maybe it’s a period thing.

Master worked hard today at work, we went to the store not too long ago to get beer. It is very rare for him to drink but he deserves it today. It was a stressful day.

My IUD is coming up for replacement and Master asked me if I’d switch to the hormone one or keep the copper one. I hadn’t decided. I had problems with the last bc pill I took, but I have had pills without issues so I dunno. He mentioned that the period of time I’d have bleed through would hinder sex and he would go nuts without sex, “I don’t care if you blew me everyday, I love sex and would need sex.” I considered that a compliment. :P

I made pizza tonight – tried a new GF crust mix (Bob’s Red Mill). It was fantastic! Thick and chewy. I’ll be sticking with that mix I think from now on. I also have a All Purpose Flour Mix so I can try my hand at bread baking next week.

I’m beginning to crave some playtime with Master. I definitely want some when my period is done. I need to feel floaty and good and connected to Master in that SM sort of way – ya know? It’s been awhile. I’m thinking at least a month. Soon.


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