I feel so much better today. Wednesday night after I blogged we went to Walmart and picked up a thick memory foam mattress pad to put on my sleeping mat to help with my sleeping. It has a huge improvement and I woke up rested for the first time in almost a week. Today was even better than that. My sleeping pattern has returned to normal and I’m not napping during the day anymore.
My funny illness has gone away too. I think I might have been glutened and not figured out a cause for it. I’m still trying to pin down the symptoms I get when being glutened.
I want to thank everyone that expressed concern about my thoughts in the previous post. They were all genuine and showed me just how much you all care for me. It’s great to know that so many of you are confident that you are everything your partner needs all in one package. I know that I am not all that Master needs. About 4 years ago he got in touch with his sadistic beast within and I can’t handle what it puts out. He needs to feed the beast or he gets depressed and feels lacking in this ability to play with me because he has to hold back then. So we opened the relationship to play partners. Froggy was one of those play partners back then. It worked wonderfully and she would never cross any boundaries that I set up for the relationship between them.
It’s no different now. They are both entertaining this relationship on my terms. I tell them what I’m comfortable with, how I’m comfortable with it and when. They define their relationship based on what I am okay with.
Last weekend we tried something relatively new to me. Froggy came up early to wake Master with a blow job (something I don’t do often). I was in the living room and could hear what was going on. I wanted to be somewhere else. I didn’t think I should be listening to them doing something so private.
Later that day they had another sexual encounter with me in the room and again I wanted to be somewhere else. It just seemed so inappropriate that I was there.
I hadn’t connected my discomfort with that until tonight when Master asked if Froggy came up early tomorrow if she could do that and I said that I would be uncomfortable being here during that.
And that was a sudden relief.
I felt uncomfortable and finally voiced it. That was it. Just so that you concerning readers understand – I’m okay with them doing sex stuff. I feel no issues with that. I’m secure in my place in Master’s life. I just don’t want to be there.
Froggy and Master are going to have to work around my new discomfort. I told them both that I have no problem slipping out of the apartment if they want to have fun. They both expressed concern that it didn’t seem right to make me leave. There are plenty of places within walking and driving distance to keep me occupied. I’m not a homebody anyway.
They aren’t making me leave, I’m choosing to. I could choose to not allow them to have sexy fun at all – but again that’s not my problem. How many other primary partners are okay being in the room when stuff like that happens? I’m not poly with froggy, there isn’t a sexual thing going on with us. It’s just Master and froggy. So, asking them to have their fun when I’m not around isn’t much to ask for I didn’t think.
Sure, it might take away some spontaneity but that’s life. You have to work around situations.
I’m certain we’ll be talking about this some more when froggy gets here tomorrow. I’ve already planned to go get doughnuts, OJ and coffee when she slips into the bedroom. Might as well have some refreshments for when the come back out! Besides I found some awesome GF ones at the store 2 weeks ago. I’m craving them.
I did some foot worship for Master tonight. I just love doing that. I feel so connected to my submissive spirit when I’m at his feet, massaging oil into them. Bliss, that’s what it is.
Oh, I haven’t told you yet…. I’ve lost 12 lbs since I went Gluten Free. Apparently my body wasn’t processing the gluten, but instead storing it as fat since it didn’t know what to do with it. I stand to work off a bit more weight in the near future if I keep a healthy diet going.