Monthly Archives: March 2012

March Q&A – 11

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Master wants me to start wearing make-up, but I have never really worn make-up before. Any tips or tricks on were to start?

I am by far not a make-up guru but I’ll do my best with giving you some tips. Starting to wear makeup can be a daunting task. You see people with so much makeup; foundations and bronzers, eyeshadow palettes, 100′s of lipsticks and blushes. It can get confusing. So, start small. Look in the mirror and pick your favorite facial feature. Is it your eyes, cheeks or lips?  If so, start by learning how to apply makeup to that feature to enhance it. I started with my lips because Master always said he loved red lips.

Then go to Youtube and search for make up tutorials on “easy, simple makeup tutorials.” You’ll find hundreds to watch and try and copy. Don’t worry if you don’t have the same brands of make up that they use, as long as you try to have similar colors you’ll get a similar look. Some people get too hung up on the brands but when you are first starting just get what you can afford.

Practice. Practice when you have time to remove it if it looks funny. You don’t want to try something new and then leave the house looking like a clown! LOL. Trust me though, starting with one feature and then once you are comfortable doing another it will come easier to you.

My favorite Youtube Makeup Guru: MakeupbyTiffanyD

–lunaKM

Still Healing

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I’m feeling quite a bit better today but Master is still coughing up a lung. I went to the British food store and got some reminders of home sick care – Ribena and Lucozade. I guess that would be the same as if I were to go get 7Up and Orange juice.

We are still healing, of course, so things haven’t been happening here at all.

A good friend of ours had a huge accident yesterday. She fell and broke her nose and her neck. Thankfully it was a stable fracture so there is no paralysis. She’s got a long road to recovery though. She’s in high spirits which is good.  I’m still worried about her.

Other than that I don’t have a whole lot to say.

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 10

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What is Domestic Servitude?

Domestic servitude is providing domestic services in a D/s dynamic. So, everything that would be considered household chores are under the domestic umbrella. This could also include childcare, budgeting and lawn maintenance. It’s considered servitude or submission when the submissive is the one doing these things at the charge of the Dominant and not by some other unspoken rule of living or by happenstance.

Master commonly jokes that the reason he has a submissive is that he never has to wash dishes. And that’s true. I think he’s done them only a handful of times (when I’m sick) since we got together 7.5 years ago.

Thanks for the question!

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 9

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Do you have any tips for good Spring Cleaning? I was asked to clean our bedroom specifically, but I would love to be able to get to the rest of the house after doing that and surprise Him?

I don’t have any honestly. I follow other people’s advice on cleaning since I really don’t love it. danae on Domestic Servitude just reposted her Spring Cleaning lists if that will help you. I also recommend Flylady.net. Those two sites have helped my cleaning tremendously.

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 8

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Dear lunaKM,

I will admit I’m a bit young (mid-teen, to be specific) and of course, I am just discovering various ways to explore sexual prowess. And what appeals to me most is the idea of being a submissive on the BDSM scene.

So here’s my question: When is a good time to jump into stuff like this? (I understand I’m too young. I can wait.) And, when did you happen to decide YOU were into submission?

Hi there. It’s okay that you are discovering what makes you unique as far as your sexuality and I would strongly suggest you wait until you are 18 for any offline, face-to-face exploration. I also wouldn’t jump into it. I’d dip a toe here, test the waters there. Learn how to be safe and still enjoy yourself because there are a lot of real dangers to BDSM and meeting people for relationships of any kind.

Realizing I wanted to be submissive took time. I knew from early in my sexual experience (started at 19) I was kinky. I enjoyed being tied up, held down, forced to do things and rough sex. About 2 years into my first marriage I became bored with the sex I was having and wanted more. I stumbled, almost literally, upon a yahoo profile of someone who said they were a Dominant and it intrigued me. I messaged him and we struck up a conversation.

Now, for 2 years I still never really realized I could be submissive; what I did know was that my kinky nature was a lot deeper than I had realized. I don’t think I realized I was submissive and wanted to open up that personality in me until I started attending BDSM groups in 2003. That’s when I realized that what makes me happiest is when I’m submitting. Learning to enhance those personality traits appealed to me greatly and that’s when I started to really identify as submissive and not just a kinky bottom with sub tendencies.

I hope this answered your question!

–lunaKM

If It’s Not One Thing….

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I have an icky cough today. I really wish my immune system were stronger so that every time I went out to be social I didn’t come home with an illness. It seems like I get something every month after a munch or other gathering anymore.

I hurt my back late last week so I’ve been taking it easy anyhow, which is frustrating because while I enjoy sitting around, when I don’t want to I still have to. That stinks. Master is taking it in stride but I know he’s frustrated too.

The Submissive Forum that I host once a month had a really good discussion last night. It inspired me to write a post for submissiveguide.com if I can concentrate enough to get it done today.

The gym membership will be cancelled at the end of this month. I didn’t make it to the gym 10 times; but only once. So, as the deal stated, it’s gone. That means I’ll have to work out at home and walk. No biggie really but I liked using the machines. Obviously not well enough to get my ass to the gym though.

Master and I have been struggling…. okay… I have been still struggling with initiating and being decisive for sex. I understand where Master is coming from but I don’t have any solid clue how to correct or change my behavior or lack thereof. I’m worried that the more I disappoint him in the bedroom the more he’ll want to seek it elsewhere. It terrifies me.

I really should talk about this more but I’m currently still not able to focus. Hopefully later I’ll readdress it. It must be corrected…

I have several questions yet to answer for March Question month and I will likely get to those in the next couple of days. Promise!

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 7

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What can a single submissive do to further her training by herself in preparation for meeting her future Dom?

There are a lot of things that a single submissive can do to improve themselves and prepare for a life long dream of service to someone.

1. Know what you want and need when it comes to a relationship and yourself. Make sure that when someone asks you what it is you want in a relationship you can tell them without saying, “to serve(submit) to you.” It’s okay to be selfish and want things for yourself, it is your life too after all.

2. Ask a lot of questions of senior, more experienced submissives. You can learn a lot about yourself just by asking the right and wrong questions of others who have been where you are. Read everything you can, remembering to take it all with a grain of salt. None of it is the “Bible truth” and you need to use only what you find appealing and toss the rest.

3. Create a personal protocol for your behavior and learn good habits, removing old negative ones. Include gentlemanners and etiquette; it’s a good skill to have no matter who you are.

4. Work on removing all debt you may have. Clean up your finances and sweep away the cobwebs in your closet. Everyone comes into relationships with baggage, but you can start now by working away some of it so you have less to lay on the table.

5. Serve the community. If you have a drive to serve find a community you can be a part of. This can be the local BDSM community, or a charity, or perhaps volunteer at the local nursing home. Anything that gets you into a position to help others will help feed your submissive need and keep that sub frenzy down.

I hope these ideas help!

–lunaKM

Now until the end of the month I am taking your questions. You can ask me personal questions or general BDSM/kink related ones. Commenting is anonymous or you can send me an email: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

Zombies and Creepers

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After a bit of heat exhaustion yesterday I’m recovered. I got all the towels washed, the kitchen cleaned and the vacuum run through the living room and hall. Then I got too warm and had to stop.

I can’t wait till the fix the AC. And I can’t believe I’m saying that in MARCH!

Master and I are playing Minecraft together. It’s a fun game. I love building and being creative and he enjoys the zombie killing and cave traveling. :) I started it on my own just yesterday and now Master has a server set up on our raid so we can play locally. It’s a time sink, that’s for sure. Before I knew it 3 hours had gone by and my back was hurting from the damn chair I sit in at my desk.

I need a new chair soon.

I have 2 more questions waiting for answers for March question month and I will get to one of them tomorrow for sure.

Not really sure what else to say today. It was quite uneventful.

–lunaKM

Sexually Exhausted and Happy

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Today has been filled with sex and orgasms. It happens most often when we have been sick or unavailable. Recently we’ve been both.

It started out last night when I masturbated after I went to bed. I rarely do that but I was so horny.

When I told Master I did that as I woke him up this morning he rolled me over and got me off again. Then I did the same to him. It’s a great way to wake up. Oh yeah!

This afternoon we had more fucking with me bent over the bed. He stopped and grabbed the Hitachi and brought me to 2 more orgasms. I even squirted a bit. Then I got him off again. Yum!

After dinner, I started a blow job and it ended with more sex. Sex and pain. I asked him to pull and pinch my breasts while he fucked me. I love sex and pain. It’s my favorite combination.

Now we are both exhausted but it feels good.

I just can’t help but be amazed at how much we are drawn to each other for sex. My previous relationship fizzled out long before now.  It can’t be honeymoon phase really. We’ve been together for almost 8 years, nonstop. Yes we’ve been married under a year but that didn’t seem like a huge change.

Recently I’ve had a fantasy running in my head. Me in porn and not just being in porn but what the camera angles would be and how it would look to see his cock in my pussy up that close. I love the close ups on porn. Does that make me an odd woman? I don’t care. Master finds it hot. We’ll make some homegrown porn someday. I know we will.

Yeah baby.

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 6

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LunaKM, I was just wondering what After-Care is and how it is carried out or performed if you will? Are there different types and such?

I’ve written a bit about aftercare on Submissive Guide to get you started:

Aftercare is the physical and emotional care that follows a play session or scene. It can be as simple as getting water and curling up in a blanket to wound care and crying it out. I compare it to cuddling after sex. Some people need the cuddling, others a cigarette and still others fall straight to sleep. The variety of types of aftercare vary from person to person and session to session.

Not everyone needs the same amount of aftercare and not every Dominant gives aftercare. As part of any good negotiation, aftercare should be discussed so that the responsibilities of it are known ahead of time.

I hope this helps answer your question.

–lunaKM

All this  month I’m taking your personal and general questions. Ask me in a comment anonymously or send me an email: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

March Q&A – 5

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how were your rules lay out and what was your thinking on them as well as your master ?

My rules were planned from the beginning. I still have the first file that had 10 rules on it from when Master and I were long distance, online only. Rules are formed as a way to change my behavior, shift my thinking or to please Master.

How each one comes about is a random process. Recently, the rules come from me. I suggest something to Master and he says, “I like that, do it.” And that’s a new rule. That’s how the 3 second rule was started. Other times they come about as a way to change my behavior or habits in a way that pleases Master.

New rules are always hard, but any sort of behavior changes or habit shifts are hard. It’s filled with growing pains and adjustments on both of our part to incorporate it into our lives. They are a necessary part of my submission though as I don’t function well without them.

Once the rule is a habit I don’t even have to think of them anymore. They are just a normal part of who I am and how I interact with the world around me.

I hope that answers your question.

–lunaKM

Remember you still have 2 weeks of March Question month. You can ask me just about anything. Commenting is set to accept anonymous questions and I have moderation turned on so they won’t go live without my approval. You may also email your questions to me: luna@the-iron-gate.com.

March Q&A – 4

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LunaKM, I was wondering what different types of Rules and Contracts there are as I have heard some couples use them, but am confused on what exactly they are and how they fit into BDSM?

That’s a huge question and I’ll do my best to make sense of it for you. Let’s start with rules. In simple terms there are as many rule combinations as there are unique relationships. The rules that I have are ones that Master and I have come up with that best work for me and the results that Master is looking for in his perfect mate. Each relationship has their own opinion on how rules would work for them and how many to have at a given time. Rules are part of the structure of the relationship. Much like a child had rules to follow given by their parents to make sure they developed into good adults (or to get the chores done, or stay out of trouble), a submissive has rules that govern their behavior.

Contracts are separate from rules. Contracts are written agreements between partners in a relationship laying down the foundation for how the relationship will conduct itself. Since a D/s relationship is usually more structured, it stands to reason that a contract may help couples form that structure, remain accountable and work to maintain the relationship. Having a contract is an optional step for relationships, as it has no legal standing, it is a written symbol of negotiations and protocol. Some contracts are for a certain term, and some are long-standing.

You can search for contract examples if you are curious as to what they might look like.

–lunaKM

Remember, all March long I’m answering your questions about my relationship, personal questions (within reason) and questions about BDSM. You can leave me a comment or send me an email: luna@the-iron-gate.com

Too Damn Hot

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Okay so has anyone else been bothered by the weather? It’s 85 degrees today, in mid March! That’s so messed up. Since the AC doesn’t work (I haven’t called them on it) we’ve been miserable.

It’s also no helpful for Master’s cold that is still bothering him. I guess I should call them on Monday and see about getting an appointment with the AC guys.

Other than that, there is no real news to tell. It just gets that way sometimes.

I do have another question for March question month so perhaps I’ll tackle that next.

–lunaKM

Huge Future Ahead

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There has been great news here at home! Master asked his boss for a raise, a subject he’s been avoiding for quite some time, and he is getting a 66% raise! That’s right, you aren’t reading it wrong. His boss suggested the number and why would you argue that! He even backdated the raise to his February invoice. :)

So, Master got an itch to spend money. He got me an iPad! Well, really he got US an iPad because it will be a shared device. I’m thrilled though. I’ve developed quite a taste for gadets. Now I have an mp3 player, a netbook and a laptop, now the iPad! Wee!

We are dreaming of the future – of a new larger place to live, traveling, a better life. It’s such a wonderful feeling to know that our life will be better. We’ll start by paying off our debts and then improving our living situation even more. I just love that we have hope and plans ahead. Don’t get me wrong we were doing well before, but this will just be amazing. There are so many wonderful doors opening for us now.

Like now that Master is making more money he’ll be able to adjust his hours and work on Kink Network stuff more regularly. I’m looking forward to seeing those things come into place. Submissive Guide Community overhaul is in that list :)

We are still sick with a cold but that’s getting better every day. Soon we’ll be back to our old selves and getting some loving in. We both sorely need it.

–lunaKM

March Q&A – 3

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LunaKM, I was wondering what Domestic Discipline is and how it fits into the D/s and M/s lifestyle?

Well that depends on who you talk to. The Domestic Discipline (DD) purists will say that it is neither D/s nor M/s. It’s something separate, unique and distinct. Others include themselves in a D/s model.

Most DD relationships are Male-led marriages and have an element of Christianity to them. They uphold a patriarchal style relationship with faith, honor, respect and obedience at its core.  The individuals maintain autonomy and an equal status in the relationship, unlike D/s style relationships.

Many DD relationships have no BDSM element to them. They ascribe to a punishment model that involves spanking and corner time only. Sometimes enemas are in the mix too. Otherwise the sex life is traditional married sex.

A decent blog to read is Learning Domestic Discipline.

There is also a book called Domestic Discipline by Jules Markham
that might give you some more insight. I reviewed it on Submissive Guide a while back also.

–lunaKM

This post is part of March question month. All month long I accept your anonymous questions about myself, my relationship with KnyghtMare and BDSM general topics. Have a question? Comment on a post or send me an email – knyghtmares.luna@gmail.com.

Idle Chatter

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This weekend I was plagued with a severe cold and PMS. And not just the usual PMS but the kind of back pain with severe headaches PMS. I wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. I’m certain I did crawl into a hole. I don’t recall much of the weekend because I slept so much.

I’m feeling a bit better as long as meds are on board. I’m still tired but I’ve made it this far today without a nap so that’s fantastic news. I’ve even done some work here and there throughout the day.

Master has been affected by the bug too although he’s not showing it as badly as I am (of course he isn’t dealing with bloating and period pain at the same time).  He’s fatigued and cranky and taking meds too.

You know you have something that’s going around when you go to the cold and flu aisle and find it practically wiped out. And that’s the way it is around here. Slim pickings as far as medications. We all have it here. The crud, or a cold or worse. And it’s no fun when it’s 70 degrees outside.

Shya, I said 70. In the middle of March. In Iowa. What the heck?!

If you follow my twitter you know that I tried doing my hair in a wet set pin curl on Thursday night. Friday morning it started out looking okay, but I think a couple things backfired. I brushed it out too much and it frizzed on me. I looked like an 80′s rocker. It had kinks in it which appears that I twisted the curls instead of doing them smoothly. And finally my hair is really long which makes the curls more like waves and very difficult to roll up. Gah.

My next attempt will be after I get a haircut so that I can minimize the frizz problem caused by split ends. I’ll comb it out less to try to keep the curls a bit and I’m going to try to do elevated pin curls on the top of my head for more volume. If that doesn’t work I’ll try my magnetic rollers. If that still looks horrendous I’ll opt for just using the hot rollers I used for wedding day. They worked out pretty well. I may also want to get a setting lotion or leave in conditioner to help with the frizz.

While I’ve been sick I’ve done a lot of knitting – probably because it requires very little brain power and curbs the idle boredom you get when sick. I’m working on a fuzzy warm shawl to use as a Spring/Fall jacket and still working on the beekeepers quilt I started months ago and have at least a year yet of work on it since I want a bed sized quilt.  I have this silly goal to use up all of my yarn so that I can restock my stash with more. I have so much I want to make through knitting that it should be quite a challenge to not go buy more yarn before using up what I have, mainly because I don’t have enough to finish anything I’ve got started :P

–lunaKM

Q&A – 2

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LunaKM,

I was just wondering, now that your Master has a play-partner as I have read about on your blog would you and him be considered Poly? Does him having a play-partner make you jealous sometimes?

Thanks

That is an excellent question and one that I’ve been pondering as well. When Master and I first got together he expressed a dislike of poly relationships for himself. He didn’t mind other people in poly but he said he was a monogamous man and that’s what he preferred. Me? I prefer monogamy as far as that goes but as I’ve grown more comfortable with the stability of our relationship I just don’t know how far I’d let it go.

About two years ago there was a huge revelation in our lives, or rather, in Master’s life. He realized that he had a beast of a sadist waiting to come out and many of the things that he had been holding back from play with me he knew I wouldn’t be able to handle; physically or emotionally. We talked about it for a long while before I asked him if having a play partner that could handle what he needs to do to feed the beast would help him.

He was hesitant at first because of his fierce stand on monogamy and his commitment to me. He wanted to be with only me, but also needed to let the beast out or it was going to make him miserable to not reach his full potential as a sadist. I think he decided to give it a try because he was feeling miserable not being able to let go during play with me.

I’m not comfortable with him doing certain sexual things with another partner and he respects the limits I put on play. These limits preserve his sexual monogamy with me and I don’t see that changing any time soon.  There is plenty of other things he can do with his play partner that I can’t do for the reasons stated above and because he can let it out with them he’s a much happier man, a more fulfilled man and it has enhanced our marriage immensely.

As far as if we are poly or not – I’d have to say not right now. We are in a hybrid open relationship (one person is non-monogamous and the other is monogamous) I guess and if he found someone to love and be in a relationship with him then that could change.

I think I’d be more jealous than I am if he didn’t make our relationship the most important thing in this endeavor. He is constantly checking in with me and making sure I am still okay with the arrangements. He goes over everything they talk about and the play sessions (in a general manner). I know that if I were to feel a fierce jealousy or discomfort with his play partner relationship that he would abandon the relationship immediately. I trust him to take care of our relationship first and the secondary person after.

I also think I’d be jealous if he was doing the exact same play with her that he does with me; but since I know he does things that I just can’t do it makes it feel perfectly normal. I can’t be everything for him so he’s found an outlet that makes him feel good and I get the rewards of a happy man afterwards. Definitely worth it.

Thanks for the question!

–lunaKM

Remember, all month long is Question month. Leave me a comment on a post or email me and I’ll answer any questions you may have. Anonymous commenting and moderation is enabled for your privacy.

Midweek Mention

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Master has been a gracious man with TV time lately. I really appreciate it and am enjoying watching more TV than normal. I’ve been doing some knitting at the same time. I started working on a fuzzy shawl to wear during cool nights for Spring and Fall.

I’m not sleeping well. I think it’s the mattress I’m sleeping on – it’s starting to be painful. Hopefully we’ll be able to replace this mattress soon.

Immediately after a fun sex session today I asked Master if he would try caning the back of my thighs the next time we play – and he grabs the cane and starts tapping. It’s going to feel good I can tell. I can’t wait! Maybe we’ll get to play this weekend.

I’ve been looking at vintage hairstyles recently and pondering if I could pull it off. I love the look of victory rolls and other pin-up styles. If I try them and make them work I hope to do them full time. Can you pull off vintage hair with modern clothing?

–lunaKM

Construction Time

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I received a package today. I ordered 100 Latex-free tourniquets through Amazon that are going to be my next flogger project. I figure I’ll be able to make several varieties with them. I have plans for a mop, Master wants a whippy one with pointed tails and I’m sure I can make a pair of them for Florentine work also.

Oh and I made it to the gym today. The gym membership is on the chopping block but I told Master that I think as long as I go at least 10 times a month we should keep it. If I fall below that then we will cancel it. The cost is just not necessary if we never use it.

Master got me a watch! This beautiful Citizen boxed set now has a place on my wrist. I’ve missed having a watch. My last Citizen died just over a year ago. I’m hoping that this one lasts just as long as my previous one (over 10 years).

I’ve had a stomach bug for a couple days so I’m not feeling my best. Yesterday I spent the day knitting. It felt good to get small dent in one of my huge projects done. I have dreams of a couple other projects but Master is always on me to complete one before I start another. He’s a smart man but he doesn’t understand a knitting junkie needs to keep starting new projects! Heh. I want a shawl/poncho for Spring/Fall wear since I don’t have a jacket. I’ve found a couple patterns that I like but I don’t have enough yarn to start it.

I’ve started a shawl, I have 2 afghans in progress, a pair of socks…. yeah. I need more to do :P

–lunaKM