January 2012

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Master and I are in a happy place right now. I’ve been connecting with my sexuality and showing him how much I want him. I’m flirty and lusty and he is gobbling it up! He and I have been smiling at each other a lot – it feels so good! I love knowing that I am pleasing him and the D/s is coming easier right now. Times like these are when I really get into my happy space and the submissive mindset gets going strong.

Master bought me my new laptop today and so I’m sitting here with my great big screen (17″) where I was using my netbook (10″) and it feels gigantic! I’m so thrilled and I’m making it mine by adding the software I want and someday I might get a laptop skin and personalize it somehow.  I told Master that it means I’ll be more productive for writing and god I hope so.

My back has been twinging lately so I’m sitting with a heating pad hoping that the muscles relax. I took some pain pills earlier and that seemed to help only a little. I’m just hoping I can prevent the incapacitated me and just live with a slower me for awhile. Master is taking good care of me.

We tried a new to us Indian restaurant in town and it was really good. Master kept saying how authentic the food was. I know we will be going back there often. I want to try as many things on the menu as I can.

Well, that’s about all I have to say today. I’m off to play Skyrim!


unexpectedbox-danaeIt’s getting near the end of the month and the only slutty stat that remains at 0 is anal sex. My ass is so unpredictable. I hope we can remedy that soon!

It also looks a little lopsided as far as orgasms are concerned but Master likes to remind me that on New Year’s Eve I had 8. Heh. I’m sure I’ll even out sooner or later. Most likely later. He tried to give me one this morning and I just wasn’t escalating so I let him know. No sense trying hard and nothing happening. He had fun though :)

This is the second week without a weigh in. I’m going to have to weigh the next time we go to the gym because we aren’t doing well about going on Wednesdays. I’d like to see a loss, that’s for sure.

Master mentioned missing bread in the house, since it was easy to grab and eat – but he has told me not to get any when I asked him. I guess we’ll have to figure out better snacks than what I currently have around.

I’m going to be on a Dom/sub/switch panel tomorrow for the university BDSM group. I’m not really sure how it will work, but I know it’s more of a definition and what does it entail sort of meeting. Should be interesting at least somewhat.

I’ve started re-reading “Different Loving” for the Submissive Guide book club. I forgot how clinical it reads. Kinda dry and I have to keep putting it down or I’m not going to be able to think critically and come up with discussion for it. It shouldn’t take me more than a day or two more to get through the first section.

Remember that 3 second rule that I’m supposed to have (wait 3 seconds to speak so that I don’t interrupt Master). Yeah, not doing so well. Master has escalated his warnings from a gentle reminder to a stern “3 seconds”! Next I imagine will be swats or spanks or something. I really got to get it in my head.  I don’t remember nearly as often as I should. Bad habits are so hard to break!


More of the Same

Today was so very productive! I got up on time and instead of sitting on my ass until Master went to work at 11am I started my housework at 9am. That’s the time I have scheduled to start my housework. I got it all done by 11:30!

Then I started in on my other to-do list that isn’t housework related. It’s more a general list of things I plan to get done. I’ve been able to get part of that done today too!

Oh and I lured Master into sex for his break and we went to the gym tonight. This is officially a pat on the back. Go me.

Now, as far as the gym is concerned I started whining and complaining about having to go at dinner time and didn’t stop once we got there! Master says I need a more positive outlook on it – that with exercise means less snoring which means, in turn, that we will be sleeping in the same bed again soon.

I waffle between being a pessimist and being an optimist. I guess I can never decide which side I want to be on for sure. At least if I made up my mind I’d be more predictable. But whatever.

Master has been planning out how we are going to spend this next paycheck when it arrives this week. Usually he doesn’t do that. Of course, the only thing he’s concentrating on are the bigger ticket things we’ve been wanting. I’ll worry about bills when it comes time for that.

I’m really looking forward to getting my new laptop. I’ve been shopping online trying to pick one out that I like. I’ve decided I definitely want to customize it with a cover or a cool color or both. It will be the first full sized laptop that wasn’t a second hand model. Perhaps that’s why it feels so special to me.




So I opened up my blog editor for today and mentioned to Master that I didn’t have a topic in mind and he says, “talk about the awesome sex you had yesterday.” Well sure I could talk about the sex but there’s one flaw in that. I’m terrible at the play by play remembrances. I can remember bits of it, but never in the right order. It was the experience that I love. And Master always leave my mind in a daze which doesn’t help with the memory recall!

What I can say is that Master has been working to get me to g-spot orgasm. He knows where my g-spot it and boy does it feel fantastic when he rubs and taps it just right but I don’t know how to go over that edge that I reach. Yesterday I just stayed there, right in that damn it’s good but never getting any further. At one point it felt like my pussy was swelling and that if he kept doing that it would swell shut! That’s the best way I can explain it.  We’ll keep working on it because I would like to know what it feels like to orgasm that way.

I love finger fucking, there’s just something about it that makes it so different from a dick and something I enjoy and could relax and take instead of fucking for sure. How’s that for a size queen? I’m okay with fingers? Heh.

When it comes to sex I’m not a soft and gentle kind of girl. I love it really hard and rough. Thankfully so does Master. He’s been “threatening” me with a pounding ever since we started going back to the gym and he delivered yesterday. My pussy just quivers thinking about it.



I’ve been nostalgic today. I read through the old emails that I kept from Master when we were an online only couple and he was planning on moving over here.

I listened to love songs while working on Subguide work and feel my heart swell each time he smiles at me.

I’m so in love!

I’ve really enjoyed today. Not sure if it was the low level of chores I did or the fact that I got a lot done with writing done. Doesn’t matter though. I like when I’m in a good mood.

I am however, quite tired. I’ve not been sleeping well at all – restless and waking a lot. I don’t think I’m getting sufficient deep sleep. Master has noted that my snoring isn’t as bad all the time which I attribute to the exercise I’m getting.

Master is still playing a lot of Skyrim and I’m enjoying watching him. I kinda hate that I’m having problems understanding the controls so that my fighting isn’t as panicked as it is. Ah well.

Well, I’m really out of words right now. I guess I’ll call it done.


Watching Skyrim

Just got back from the gym. I looked forward to it today. My back hurt while walking the treadmill but I managed it just fine.

I’m hoping for another recorded loss on Wednesday when I weigh in again.  I have a lot of hopes that I’ll finally start losing weight. Master and I haven’t slept in the same bed because of my snoring for over a year. It’s lonely at night and I miss him. He misses me too.

It’s a long road until we are in the same bed but every pound lost helps me one step closer to Master’s bed.

I had blood drawn today for another thyroid test to see how the increase in medication is doing. I hope there is some change as I have noticed a decrease in my need to nap.

Master has been playing  a lot of Skyrim and I love watching him play. I’m terrible at coordinating combat so my game isn’t as fun to watch. I fumble and die a lot. I’ve always enjoyed watching others play games anyhow.

I had a bit of fun tonight tying Master up and getting him off. I love that he’s so kinky! *giggles* I like to tie his hands away so that he can’t touch himself (or push me away) and then have my fun teasing his cock till he’s struggling and moaning. If you are a guy and have never given yourself an orgasm with a Hitachi wand I strongly suggest it! It is so much fun!


Sexy, Me? Move Along

I mentioned to Master the other day that I was happy that the scale showed a loss for last week. He said he was happy too because I was at the highest weight that he can be attracted to. He’s told me before that if I gain any more that I’ll be moving out of the range that he enjoys and into just being fat. I know that it’s a limit but hearing it has reminding me just how disgusting I am.

I’m at his limit. Any more and he won’t like what he sees. I already have issues in the mirror but looking at me and expecting to be excited I guess is something else.

Sex has always been an important thing in our relationship. It’s how we communicate sometimes. It’s definitely how we have fun.

And it isn’t happening. I brought up to Master that I felt frustrated that he would come to me in the morning and “remind” me that he wanted sex today. So he stopped all interaction with me at all unless it had to do with food, coffee or to ask a question. Sure he’ll come out to the living room and sit with me, but talk is minimal. It’s all to show me how he has to live – waiting for me to feel interested in sex enough to approach him. And then when I do he acts just as I do, mediocre. I get it, I really do. I’m not showing him that I want him and desire him.

It makes for trying to express our passion like pulling teeth. I woke up today feeling miserable about the whole thing; that if we could just reconnect and have sex that we could start getting back to where we need to be to actually work on the problem instead of being negative. I’ve asked Master several time if he’s interested in sex, and that sex would cheer me up. He says yeah but looks at me like, “why would I want to fuck you?”

I know it’s because I’m depressed and mopey – but I keep hearing it as, “why would I want to fuck YOU?” as if I’m unattractive and distasteful. He stopped me last time I brought his coffee and said he wasn’t against having sex.

“You have a funny way of showing it.”

“Well look at you?!” (meaning – look at your all depressed and moping around)

I am looking, and that’s why I feel like shit. I just need to be shown I’m not shit. That even if I don’t act excited when he asks me for sex that I really do want to reconnect. This sucks.

I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t feel sexy and he wants me to look like I want to have sex when I ask or he brings it up.

Fuck, it’s my problem. I just need to get over this guilt trip and do something about it. I need to cheer up, look him in the eye and then suck his dick. That might make it better.


EDIT: I just want everyone to know that the way I talk on this blog sometimes makes KM come off as an ass. He really isn’t! I swear!

Down 2

I’m pooped. I just got back from the gym and did a good 30 minutes on the treadmill. The good news is that I was down 2 lbs. Who knows what I’ll be next week since I’ll be on my period but hey, 2 lbs is 2 lbs.

I’m feeling great about getting all my housework done :)

Other than that I really don’t have much to say.


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