Yesterday since my period was over, Master and I had some fantastic sex. I was so horny and my clit throbbed without release. When he told me I’d be waiting for my orgasm I was quite frustrated. It had been over a week since my last orgasm but knowing that sometimes after a huge climax my sex drive plummets he wanted to use me a few more times before I got mine.
Finally at 3:30pm today he came for me, but by then I was beyond frustrated. He was ready to fuck me, but when he reached for my pussy I told him that if I wasn’t going to be able to come that it was going to be bad. He sat down at the edge of the bed and began playing with my clit and I focused on what I was feeling. I had decided I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of seeing me writhe and squirm at his touch. I was just going to let the orgasm was over me without moving. And it was going fine. Then, since I wasn’t pleasing him he stopped, left the room and said I was to just do it myself.
I did in about 30 seconds. But since he wasn’t in the room, he didn’t believe me and ordered me to do it again. 30 more seconds later I had a second. Both of which were mediocre at best. I had made him made at me. He called me a whiny bitch.
Things went upside down after that. I went back to what I was doing and he went back to what he was doing. Not 10 mins go by when he comes out into the living room with a whip and a hard cock and orders me to stop what I’m doing. I think he’s still mad at me and wants to punish me.
There’s no need to detail what happened, but I broke down when his fat dick was pushing its way into my ass and he stopped. He had not come to me with any anger or idea of punishment. He just wanted to start over and have some fun after all. I had interpreted it all wrong.
You see, I find it hard to comprehend that people don’t carry their anger for a long time and then want to pay it back. It’s how I was raised I guess. I know that he would never use sex to punish me, but there’s a unconscious response and I think that took over as soon as I saw him. I felt that I deserved to be punished and I was going to get through whatever it was that he wanted to do to punish me. Thankfully he saw that and stopped.
I had a good cry and we talked about what happened. Things are okay now that we are on the same page. I don’t know how I am going to correct my behavior but I have to start seeing that he isn’t the same as all the other men in my life.
And we need to play more so that I can read his body better. I’m terrible at it. Maybe I’ll get a chance to atone soon.
Now, on to other things…
I went to the gym today after a whole week of not going and weighed in 3 lbs up from last week. Not surprised. I didn’t watch my eating that well last week either. I’ll have to get back on it this week if I want to reach my goal by the end of the year. I feel better when I’m eating lower carb so I really should be following it. (Of course, snacking on 8 oz of Beef Jerky is going to bite me in the ass for the food log.)
Chores have been slacking too. When I’m done with this post I’m going to get up and get some done and tomorrow I promised Master I’d be better at getting them done in the morning like I have scheduled. It really shouldn’t be hard for me to get everything done like I’m supposed to.
Writing has been slow for subguide too. I feel behind even though I’m not yet. That’s likely because the contributors I have aren’t submitting any posts and haven’t for months. I’m going to have to make some hard decisions soon. And look for more guest posts elsewhere. My writing has to improve too if I want to get any other projects done.
There’s so much I’m slacking on right now. I’m not even going to list my training until I get my head back in the game.
Sometimes a submissive takes more than 2 steps back. I’m going to be crawling my way back up.