August 2011

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Swat Dem Titties!

Master and I just got done playing. He tied my breasts up and the rope over my head so that they were lifted and tugged if I moved. Then he put on a new gag that I’m going to review in another post later (but it was awesome!). He started out with slaps and squeezes and testing my pain threshold, which is pretty low right now since it’s been so long since we’ve had a regular play routine.

He tried several toys on me, pain escalating. So he did the one thing he knows helps me process pain. He gave me an orgasm with the Hitachi Wand. I’ve never had an orgasm standing up; it’s an interestingly pleasurable and difficult experience. We continued to play but not for long as my tolerance wasn’t getting any higher so we switched to other things. He untied me and got me right to business with his cock. It was great to hear him make so many noises!

I’ll have a few marks in the morning I’m sure but nothing major.

Afterwards I made his coffee and Master remarked, “I want to play more often.”

“Yes Master.”

“I mean it, I want to play more often.” He’s serious, and that’s just what he’ll get.


Tactile sensations for me must be dulled. I like when someone touches me, sure, but for sexual pleasure they have to be a lot firmer than what is probably the norm. It’s probably one reason why I’m a masochist.

Take my nipples for example. I can barely feel when they are being caressed and prefer to have them pinched and twisted to get any sensation out of them. There are rare moments when they are very sensitive and I alert Master to them as soon as I notice because it feels so good to have them played with then. But any other time it’s like they are just ‘meh’ sensation. It’s disappointing to Master I think because he loves playing with them.

The rest of my skin is responsive to gentle touches but more in a ticklish manner than a pleasurable one. Again, another annoyance to Master I think.

But Master, on the other hand, is like a sensation hound! He loves gentle touches and gets gooseflesh very easily. I love to watch him shiver when I run my nails gently along his skin and he takes great pleasure from the gentleness. It gets him going too. His nipples are also very sensitive and I use them to my advantage to get his engines roaring.

Purple Sensation Mitt

Sensation Mitt from

So, when we got a new toy from BDSM-Gear called the Sensation Mitt I knew that it was going to be used on Master and not me. I got the purple rabbit fur, but it comes in several colors; black, white, purple and pink. I’m certain that it is one size fits all unless you have Big Foot hands. One side is fur and the other is soft leather.

We tried it out on me first but I was right, it’s just a soft rabbit fur mitt and did nothing to excite me.

When I had Master lay down on the bed and I proceeded to give him an all over sensation rub he was in heaven. It made my touch luxurious and while it didn’t create the sought after gooseflesh, I was able to bring it up easily after I ran the mitt across and then my hand. I think the mitt awakened his nerve endings just that little bit. I had fun pleasuring him with it and he appeared to enjoy it too. ;)

It was great fun to use as a lead in to other things and it’s definitely going in my kit for pleasuring Master rather than the toybag. Overall, this is a fun item to have for any adventurous couple!

It’s sewn together and you don’t have any loose fur to mess with. The color dye goes all the way to the rabbit skin and it appears to be good quality. I’d recommend only spot washing, with gentle soap and water as needed. Handmade toys always seem better, don’t they?

If you’d like to get your own Sensation Mitt for under $20 from BDSM-Gear, head on over!

This product is from BDSM-Gear. It was sent to me in exchange for an honest review. No other monetary compensation was received. 

Happy Friday everyone. Yesterday was a miserable day for me. I was dizzy and ear ringing all day. Looking it up it sounded like migraine resulting issues. It made me just miserable. Today I have a mild migraine (no dizziness) that comes and goes. It’s gone away long enough for Master and I to have some wonderfully fun sex.

We have a play party coming up and it has a Back to School theme. I asked Master if he’d like me to dress up and it sparked a lot of fun thoughts in my head and I think his too about what he’d do with a slutty school girl. I don’t think he’d go for a “virgin” school girl – he likes the sexy ones. I have part of a costume and I’ll have to see about altering the skirt I have so that it fits (it’s one size too small). I’ll put my hair in low pigtails or something, innocent makeup, hopefully some cute shoes and knee high socks.

I’m fat so it will be interesting if I can pull off a cute school girl look. Either way I know that Master will love it. The party is also where I will explore fire play with a more experienced Dom to see if my fear is primal or if it is novice experience issues. I’m nervous. This will be the first time I’ll be playing with someone other than Master in 7 years. I’ll also be nude in front of people I’ve not been naked in front of before. Interesting challenge.

I’ve still had a long time trying to figure out why I feel so detached from Master right now. We talked about it again, as we are wont to do. I feel better about how we are going to resolve things and as soon as I’m feeling better we’ll play and reconnect better. I realize that I’m not the only one who feels this way sometimes. What’s hard is figuring out what will make things all better for me. Will a spanking do the trick? Perhaps a flogging? Maybe a harder scene? I hope I’ll figure that out so that when we are ready to play.


It’s so unfair

We were supposed to play today. I had asked him yesterday if he was interested and I told him what I’d love to experience. I was so excited! When I got up this morning I knew that I would need to have everything done so that it wasn’t on my mind before we played. I also knew that he’d be happy that I got all the chores done.

I had planned to take a shower at lunchtime, shave and meditate to prepare myself for what was supposed to be a wonderful scene.

And then we had an argument. Neither of us were right, it was a miscommunication that got blown completely out of proportion. But that was all it took. The migraine that I’ve been fighting the past day or so came back with a vengeance.

And now I’m feeling a bunch of feelings. I’m angry at Master for starting the argument. I’m feeling very frustrated that the sexual desires that I was building will have to simmer. I’m in despair at the loss of a playtime with Master; something I desperately need to feel intimately connected to him as my Master. I’ve been feeling disconnected to him for awhile and knew that playing would bring me back to his side again.

I feel cheated of this need because of my illness and because of the argument which could have been avoided. Master and I haven’t played since before our wedding day.

We both need that intimacy. I’m trembling with all these emotions that I can’t get out and with the pain that is raging inside my head.

It’s so unfair. That’s all I keep chanting. I need that bonding time, I need to feel him in ways that only BDSM play can bring out and I’m going to have to wait… It’s so unfair.


Rub My Nose In It

Yesterday since my period was over, Master and I had some fantastic sex. I was so horny and my clit throbbed without release. When he told me I’d be waiting for my orgasm I was quite frustrated. It had been over a week since my last orgasm but knowing that sometimes after a huge climax my sex drive plummets he wanted to use me a few more times before I got mine.

Finally at 3:30pm today he came for me, but by then I was beyond frustrated. He was ready to fuck me, but when he reached for my pussy I told him that if I wasn’t going to be able to come that it was going to be bad. He sat down at the edge of the bed and began playing with my clit and I focused on what I was feeling. I had decided I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of seeing me writhe and squirm at his touch. I was just going to let the orgasm was over me without moving. And it was going fine. Then, since I wasn’t pleasing him he stopped, left the room and said I was to just do it myself.

I did in about 30 seconds. But since he wasn’t in the room, he didn’t believe me and ordered me to do it again. 30 more seconds later I had a second. Both of which were mediocre at best. I had made him made at me. He called me a whiny bitch.

Things went upside down after that. I went back to what I was doing and he went back to what he was doing. Not 10 mins go by when he comes out into the living room with a whip and a hard cock and orders me to stop what I’m doing. I think he’s still mad at me and wants to punish me.

There’s no need to detail what happened, but I broke down  when his fat dick was pushing its way into my ass and he stopped. He had not come to me with any anger or idea of punishment. He just wanted to start over and have some fun after all. I had interpreted it all wrong.

You see, I find it hard to comprehend that people don’t carry their anger for a long time and then want to pay it back. It’s how I was raised I guess. I know that he would never use sex to punish me, but there’s a unconscious response and I think that took over as soon as I saw him. I felt that I deserved to be punished and I was going to get through whatever it was that he wanted to do to punish me. Thankfully he saw that and stopped.

I had a good cry and we talked about what happened. Things are okay now that we are on the same page. I don’t know how I am going to correct my behavior but I have to start seeing that he isn’t the same as all the other men in my life.

And we need to play more so that I can read his body better. I’m terrible at it. Maybe I’ll get a chance to atone soon.

Now, on to other things…

I went to the gym today after a whole week of not going and weighed in 3 lbs up from last week. Not surprised. I didn’t watch my eating that well last week either. I’ll have to get back on it this week if I want to reach my goal by the end of the year. I feel better when I’m eating lower carb so I really should be following it. (Of course, snacking on 8 oz of Beef Jerky is going to bite me in the ass for the food log.)

Chores have been slacking too. When I’m done with this post I’m going to get up and get some done and tomorrow I promised Master I’d be better at getting them done in the morning like I have scheduled. It really shouldn’t be hard for me to get everything done like I’m supposed to.

Writing has been slow for subguide too. I feel behind even though I’m not yet. That’s likely because the contributors I have aren’t submitting any posts and haven’t for months. I’m going to have to make some hard decisions soon. And look for more guest posts elsewhere. My writing has to improve too if I want to get any other projects done.

There’s so much I’m slacking on right now. I’m not even going to list my training until I get my head back in the game.

Sometimes a submissive takes more than 2 steps back. I’m going to be crawling my way back up.


Colorful Embrace

I did some decorating today. Since we live in an apartment, and can’t paint, I’ve been thinking of ways to decorate that won’t damage the walls. Well the first thing that came to mind was an idea sparked from an Offbeat Home post about papering the dark wood cabinets in the kitchen. I jumped at the chance to bring some color into that room. Master said it was okay as long as it wasn’t expensive.

I found some wrapping paper that I really liked in lime green and a pink/green/brown/blue stripy floral print. The big cabinet doors are green and the small ones are the print. I’m not sure I’m going to do the ones under the counter just yet but I love the way it turned out! It sure brightens up the place. Since the wrapping paper was cheap it will be easy to replace too when it gets damaged. I might even have fun for Christmas and use Christmas wrapping paper :)

I’ve also considered getting fabric and tacking it to the wall in a stripe pattern in the bedroom. There is a method that you can wallpaper it using liquid starch but I’m not sure I want to brave that, but thumbtacks I just might so.  It will cost a lot more than that paper did to I’ll have to get permission and I’d probably only do one wall as an accent.

I’m also hoping to some day have an accent rug for the living room to give it some color. I’m so tired of beige carpet and white walls.

We go to a munch tomorrow evening and then I’m going to the movies with Mom on Sunday. It’s a busy weekend.  This weekend is also my 15 year High School reunion but I’m not going.

Master has been playing Pokemon. We went to a used game dealer in town and got an old version of Pokemon Heart Gold. He wants to catch them all. *giggles*

Well I’m off to dream up some more decorating inspiration.


Got’cha Back

I have this really bad habit that Master is trying to break. I can’t figure out where it came from. Whenever he tells me to stop doing something like flicking my nails or tapping my feet or anything of an annoyance I have to do it that once more just for spite. It’s silly. I don’t understand why cause it feels almost involuntary. I might have had the need to get the last “say” when I was growing up or maybe in my previous marriage. I don’t know. It’s driving Master insane though and I’m going to start getting in trouble for doing that.

I think I’ve had too many carbs the past 2 days. I’m feeling really tired and fatigue easy today, it’s like I have no energy. Really going to have to watch that tomorrow so I can get my energy back. I also need to get to writing in my food log which is why I think I messed up. I’ve not tracked since Monday.

Master’s pet name for me, if you couldn’t guess is slut. I love it. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It seems like more than a pet name, if that makes sense. I love it. Did I say I love it? Heh.



PS: Didn’t I tell you I’d get in trouble? Not 5 mins, 5 MINUTES, after I published this post I did that last bit after being asked to stop and have a whollop of a smack on my ass for it. I must stop or I’m going to have a sore ass building, one swat at a time.


Went to the gym today to weigh in and exercise. Turns out I lost 6 pounds from last week, yay! I thought for sure that I’d be up this week due to it being bloat week. I’m super thrilled and will be even more excited if it continues to go down for next week’s weigh in. I have a short term goal of being under 330 by the end of the year. At this pace I’ll make it by November.

I’m making smarter choices when it comes to food and eating low carb whenever I can. I feel so much better for having less carbs in my diet, I really do believe that this is a good turn for me, and I think Master is doing much better as well. I’m still struggling with snacks to have on hand even though I know what I can snack on. It’s just so much easier to buy a box of crackers or potato chips than it is to make these alternative snacks. Heh. Such is life, right? I’ll work on it.

I’ve been laid up most of the day with those deep back cramps that come with my period sometimes. I’ve been taking my time with things and doing some work and then resting with my heating pad.

Going to a movie with my mom on Sunday. Should be an interesting day. Hopefully she won’t expect me to wear the nail polish I don’t like that she bought me last time she was up here. The movie should be okay. She wants to go see “The Help”. Anyone seen it yet? Is it an okay film?


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