Monthly Archives: February 2011

Hot Lips

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I’m enjoying re-watching the MASH series. Does anyone act like Frank and Hot Lips as a couple? I’ve never seen anyone act that way. It’s all mushy and fun and something that I think KM and I could do if only we were that kind of couple. Ha! It’s like just a few hours apart is an eternity with them.

We are still sweet and romantic though. When we are with other couples at parties there doesn’t appear to be much affection between them, but we hug and snuggle and touch a lot. I like that it sets us apart. I wonder if after the wedding if we’ll have a honeymoon period… not that the last one really faded.

Master just finished long 10 hour days the past 5 days and is ready for a weekend. I hope he relaxes even though he said he was planning on doing personal website work. I worry that he works to hard sometimes. But then, he had a light month in February so I’ve no doubt he’ll be working hard in March just because that’s who he is.

–lunaKM

 

Book of Days for Week 2/28/11

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  • Outside my window… it’s a sunny day belying the fact that it’s cold. The illusion of spring on a cool winter day.
  • my thoughts… are jumbled and inconsistent. Staying focused today is requiring the kitchen timer and a lot of self-discipline.
  • i am thankful for… paid up bills and a positive outlook on the future.
  • From my service training… I’m going to try very hard to rejuvenate my sexual initiative. Master would appreciate a bit of myself offering to him rather than he doing all the asking.  It’s time to give.
  • From the kitchen… Monday: Breakfast for Dinner (eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, toast), Tuesday: Chilidogs, Wednesday: Spaghetti, Rest of week not planned yet.
  • i am wearing… jeans and a sweat shirt; just enough to go up and down the stairs to fetch laundry
  • i am creating… homemade bread today, been taking a break for any other crafts/sewing.
  • my adventures this week… munch on Saturday otherwise I’m homebound this week.
  • Becoming well read… Going to start reading “Erotic Surrender” and I’m flipping through 21st Century Kinkycrafts. I might have to make a few things I think.
  • i manifest and co-create… fitness. I want to work hard on my exercise levels this week and reaffirm that eating healthy doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.
  • Todays Melody… the radio is on, but I don’t know what song it is. I don’t recognize it. I like dancy tunes when I’m cleaning which I am doing today.
  • One of my favorite things… Pandora One. I’m so grateful for Master’s gift of a paid access to the internet radio. No ads and less interruptions. I use the radio A LOT!
  • further plans for this week… Make sure I’m not annoying Master by inactivity. I’m going to work on working according to schedule.  I also want to make tortillas for the freezer.

From Service Savoir Faire

Evil Things He Does

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It’s amazing how a man can get sex twice in a day and still get annoyed when he doesn’t get it a third time. I promised him that we’d do it tomorrow. I guess I should remember that he’s still a man and patience just won’t always go my way.

The other night Master and I had a really intense scene where he degraded and spit on me while using me as fuckmeat. I cried and really hated him afterwards. I took a long time recovering from it and I think it’s got his boxers in a bunch. I think he feels that I can’t handle what he dishes. I talked with rayne and I agree with her outlook. She says I just need practice compartmentalizing his love for me and the evil things he does. Yeah, practice tolerating his spitting on me and feeling like garbage.  If it’s hot for him then it will work for me.

But for a day or so afterwards I had a hard time believing that he really did care for me and that we were okay. I mean, I knew deep down that it was just a scene, but I had to still grapple with the feelings it left in me. I’m not sure how to separate and work through these faster so that I get impacted less each time these sorts of scenes happen.

We have no problems talking with each other, so it’s very likely he already knows that I’m willing to work on it and that I don’t want him to think that he can’t let himself go like that. He sat right at the bedside waiting for me to stop crying and make sure I knew that he loved me and that things were okay. I just didn’t want to listen to him.

I know it know though. He likes to remind me that he loves me so much that he decided to marry me. It’s like his catch phrase right now; and it’s pretty powerful. He is marrying me. It’s important to him, I’m valuable and he really means a lifetime when he says it. No matter what, through thick and thin. We are together.

Even through the evil things he does.

–lunaKM

 

New Toy

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I love homemade bread. I’m so happy I found the recipe I’m using. It’s easy and makes some awesome bread.

I also made blondies. Yum!

I don’t really have a lot to talk about today.  It tends to happen when things are going well in our lives. Master has some work coming. He’ll be working the next 5-10 days almost non-stop. I don’t know how he’ll do it. He’ll be stressed and tired and I’ll be lonely because he will be spending more time in his office than with me. But we’ll survive and at the end of the day it will be worth it.

Went over to Ms Kay‘s house tonight and picked up a vibrator that she was given but refused to use. It’s a huge toy. KM will have fun using it and I’ll have fun with it too I’m sure. We’ll get to it real soon I’m sure.

–lunaKM

Swollen Pussy

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I love pussy pumping. It’s something new to me; although we’ve had a pump for over a year. We’ve casually used it every now and then but I happened upon someone’s profile on FetLife that got me fixated and then got up the desire to ask Master to give it a shot. The person on FetLife is pumpmaker. The pictures in his profile tell the tale of my fascination. I wanted to know how fat my pussy could get with it vacuum pumped up.

Master obliged me this morning. After 10 mins my pussy was feeling painfully good and it started to throb. Master took it off and played with my lips for awhile, and then put it back on. I already noticed the increased sensitivity. He left it on for a total of 30 minutes. When he took it off my usually non-existent inner lips were puffy and swollen and it was completely hiding my usually prominent clit. Just touching it was like he was caressing all of the nerve tips at once! He fucked me with my swollen pussy and it was so very hot. It felt amazing. I think I’m in love.

He promised to take a picture next time we do it so that I can share with you how my pussy looks all plumped up.

We will be getting a custom set of pumps so that I can have my nipples/breasts and clit/pussy all pumped up. I tell you I’ve not been this turned on my a sexual activity since I started trying spanking. This is like a lightbulb moment of hot sexy lusty fun. Yum!

–lunaKM

Fuckity Fuck

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If I haven’t sung the praises of the Hitachi wand enough on this blog, then you’re in for an earful again. I just love that damn thing. Even when he cranks it on high and grinds it against my clit. It’s like sensory overload in a good way. It makes me want to scream my head off and I tend to get into explicative runs, “fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck shit oh shit” sort of fun. I think Master enjoys it when I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m all tense and then spastic and then a puddle of goo.

So we had sex too, that was in there. And we tried out the new ball gag I got from Eden Fantasys. I’ve been wanting a gag I can breath out of and we went with a ball gag with holes in it. Yay! I like it, I drool a lot with it, which I think helps with the ick and oh god hot/embarrassed sort of fun. Master enjoyed it too I think.

I came so hard that I have one of those post-coital headaches. It’s going to ride along for awhile I think. We need to go to the gym soon too. Sure I’d like to skip it; it is late. But I also want to lose weight too.

___

I went to the Dr today for a meds follow up. I used to like this Doctor until today. He pushed too hard.

“If you got a job and had insurance we’d be able to talk about the lap band or gastric bypass”

“Yeah, well I don’t have a job and we’ve talked about this before. You noted that I declined the insane body altering surgery before this. My mind hasn’t changed. I refuse to permanently alter the way my body processes food just so that I can starve myself into losing a few pounds. If I can’t do it on my own then obviously I’ll be fat. Deal.”

“You are really tying my hands without insurance.”

“I’m working on insurance, with the Obamacare plan I can get insurance, it just means paying off one of my old bills so I can add the premium. You can wait.”

“It’s not just about walking every once in awhile, some people need to really break a sweat on a regular basis, like the Biggest Loser.”

“That’s a reality show, that no one can live up to and I hate how they’ve been brainwashed into NOT being happy about a 3 lbs loss, that somehow if they haven’t lost at least 10 they are worthless. It’s not how real weight loss is achieved.”

I left feeling ugly, fat and horrible. He’s lost me as a patient. I’ll be looking for a new Doctor in May/June when it’s time to get more meds and blood tests. Why do Doctors not realize they need to treat the whole patient, which means also doing no emotional harm? Fuck.

–lunaKM

Here Comes the Bride

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My dress is here :) http://twitpic.com/40iurd

Now I want to figure out shoes, jewelry and if a veil would work for me.

I feel more like a bride now that I have a dress. And it fits. I was so stressed that it wouldn’t fit me and I’d have to spend double the cost of the dress to get it altered. But, no need for alterations for me! The dress reaches the tops of my feet so some low heels or flats would work great.

We are getting so close to the big day and I’m really excited. I’m certain that Master is too. The look on his face after he zipped me into the dress was priceless.

We’ll be going soon to get Master set up with a rental suit.

Not a whole lot else going on right now.

–lunaKM

Traditionally this post is sappy…

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but since neither of us were in the mood for sappy I’ll just go with whatever’s on my mind.

Today I told Master I wanted to suck his cock. It’s monumental for me because if you’ve been a reader for any length of time you’ll know that things to do with blow jobs are difficult for me. Honestly I really did want to suck his cock. It’s interesting. I don’t know if it was a Valentine’s day expectation of sucking or that it’s a step in a new direction. Heck, it was hot and that’s all that matters right now.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on FetLife lately. I use it mostly as idea fodder for Submissive Guide, but some of the posts make me shake my head and it is just not worth it. Like this one I read from a Dominant that was asking where the honor between Dominants was. He goes on to say that his ex slave stole some items of his and that the honorable thing the new Dominant should do is give them back. He names names and calls him out. That’s not very honorable. He should have just dealt with it in private. It’s not a public squabble.

It’s along the same lines as gossip. I used to be a terrible gossip. I loved hearing it and talking about it. That’s not very honorable either. Master stopped that almost immediately when I first met him. And it’s stuck. It’s also something I agree with completely and try to tell others that gossiping just isn’t appropriate behavior. We’ve lost all decorum and manners, really.

I’m no angel, surely, but I try to learn how things would be done if Emily Post were sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. I gobble up manners and etiquette articles. I love the ‘proper lady’ stuff. I’m far from a proper lady still but it’s something to work for!

–lunaKM

We're in the Money…

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I’m sitting here at my new to me laptop. Master got a huge bonus for last month’s work and he bought a laptop for himself with it. Mine was on it’s last leg and so he gave me his old one. I’m thrilled. I’ve moved up to a 17 inch monitor people! I have yet to customize it and personalize it but I have all day tomorrow to do that.

We also went to Rent-a-Center and bought a living room set. We don’t plan on just paying the minimum each time, there’s no way I like the interest. But now we can ditch the crappy futon! We are moving up in the world folks, real furniture that we didn’t have to glue and screw together!

His bonus was large enough that our elopement is 80% paid for now (in savings). It’s exciting. We can keep moving forward. My dress arrives end of next week. We’ll be going to get him sized up and pick out a suit for rental soon and I think we might be able to put our rings on the jeweler’s credit card next month.

It feels good to pay up the bills and get a few things also. It’s been a long time since we’ve been able to do that. Thank you Master for working so hard!

Now on to D/s things…

I’m in deep doo-doo. I was directly disobedient yesterday. I’ve had the TV time revoked for a week, no pop for a month and I have 10 lashes with the damn evil strap tomorrow. I earned it and I’ll take it. It’s just going to suck big time. Which is the point. Perhaps I’ll be so bored from no TV to watch that I’ll actually do extra writing. Who knows.

We go back to the gym tomorrow. I have to try hard to get to 1 hour. I did 50 mins yesterday. And my body is telling me that was pushing it. But if I’m ever going to lose weight I need to push it.  I’ve got to feel good about myself again and right now that just isn’t happening.  Master told me that I’m reaching the limit to his preference size wise and that he’d like me to work harder to get healthier and lose some weight. I need to take that to heart.

–lunaKM

Turn on the Lust

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I’m dealing with an achy wrist day. I thought I’d be making flour tortillas and getting Master off frequently but I’ve had to go to the store and buy tortillas. Forget the kneading dough today. I did wank Master this morning though; happy wake up!

I screamed into the mattress when I came tonight. Master’s application of the Hitachi wand is blissful or torture, depending on how he chooses to use it. Tonight it was great.

He’s been getting a bit more sex than usual, and we are trying to make it habitual that our life is more sex. We do, after all, work at home together all the time. As a part of my training Master wants me to start asking for sex and sexual activities. I’m not good at all with that, so my first task is to reconnect with my sexual desire. It’s funny how after being with Master and his control over me that I’ve disconnected my lust from my control.

I’m still going to have to work out how to do that.

–lunaKM

One Step Closer

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I won the dress on ebay and the seller is willing to work with me to get payment. Yay! Hopefully it won’t need a lot of alterations to make it fit me. Here’s the link to a model wearing it (in red). The dress I won on ebay is Champagne Ivory.

I want to take Master to the tux rental stores in town to find a good deal on a suit for him next week.

My mom and dad have both mentioned that we should just get married by a JOP and then have a celebration later on. Mom’s motivation is that she knows I want to be married and am itching to get it done. Dad’s motivation is to “save my soul from living in sin.” Ugh. Of course, neither of them know that we are getting married in June. I’m terrible with secrets though so it’s going to be hard.

I’m ready for winter to be over. I want to sit out on our balcony again and enjoy the warm air. Master wants to get me adjusted to writing well at home. Right now I tend to do the best writing away from home. I’ll get a nice desk set up at some point. I have a lot of writing in my future, that I know.

Valentine’s Day is coming up. I’ve asked Master for a box of chocolates. I’ll probably make a red velvet cake like last year. We’ll toast to our love and our coming marriage. Otherwise we don’t usually do a lot. Most years we go out to lunch. Not sure we’ll do that this year. Who knows. Valentine’s Day isn’t really a big deal for us and we’ve never been a material gifts sort of couple.

I’ll take pictures of the dress if it fits as soon as I get it. If it doesn’t fit, I’ll post pictures after I get it altered.

–lunaKM

4 Months to Go

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Can you believe that in just 4 months I will be Mrs KM! I’m getting so excited. I’ve been hunting down a perfect dress for the elopement so that I can find shoes, bra, veil and everything else. And it might need to be altered as well so there’s that too. Master and I are also going to get him sized for a suit and pick out a style for him. He’s going to be so handsome.

There’s this dress on ebay that I’m hoping the person will relist (no one has bid on it) when it expires on the 6th. I want it and money will be available for it end of next week for sure. I’m crossing my fingers because I’ve been having issues finding a dress that is my size and in my little budget and makes me happy.

We went to the college BDSM group yesterday and well, we are disappointed. It’s not organized well and they don’t utilize the resources they have.  It’s more like a gossip group. I don’t think we’ll be going back. Master was really bored. He’s not going to the munch tomorrow because I have to leave at 11am and he’s already thinking of having another meeting like Thursday.

Until next time.

–lunaKM

Orbital Pains

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Yesterday and today I’ve been dealing with what I’ve been calling eye strain. My eyes are just very light sensitive and they hurt when I move them around in the sockets. Master said it could be a sinus infection sign and I’m taking meds tonight to see if it will help. It’s most annoying and painful.

Now that I’m feeling better, cold-wise, the deep throat training is back on. It’s not something I look forward to because it counters with my new appreciative feelings I get doing blow jobs and turns it back into ‘work’ since there is a goal in mind now. I’ll do it, but yeah, whatever.

We went out to dinner and talked about Submissive Guide stuff. He’s all excited about the possibility of success with all the things I’m writing and have planned and whatnot. Of course it means actually setting a work schedule and doing it. It will be worth it. It’s going to be awhile before he has the new sites coded anyhow so there’s time for me to ‘work ahead’ on projects. I wish I loved writing more than I did. I’m proficient in it, sure, but I don’t get the drive to write as often as I’d like. Maybe having a set schedule will change that.

I made the no-knead bread again today. It just rocks. And I figured that bread flour, yest and salt (and water) are really cheap, cheaper than the crappy bread we’ve been eating. Hopefully I’ll just be making that from now on. It’s just yummy, really.

All told we got 8 inches of snow last night during the storm. Lucky us. I’m thankful we are used to snow and have the equipment to clear it away in a reasonable fashion. Living behind the DOT doesn’t hurt either. :-P

–lunaKM