February 2011

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Hot Lips

I’m enjoying re-watching the MASH series. Does anyone act like Frank and Hot Lips as a couple? I’ve never seen anyone act that way. It’s all mushy and fun and something that I think KM and I could do if only we were that kind of couple. Ha! It’s like just a few hours apart is an eternity with them.

We are still sweet and romantic though. When we are with other couples at parties there doesn’t appear to be much affection between them, but we hug and snuggle and touch a lot. I like that it sets us apart. I wonder if after the wedding if we’ll have a honeymoon period… not that the last one really faded.

Master just finished long 10 hour days the past 5 days and is ready for a weekend. I hope he relaxes even though he said he was planning on doing personal website work. I worry that he works to hard sometimes. But then, he had a light month in February so I’ve no doubt he’ll be working hard in March just because that’s who he is.



  • Outside my window… it’s a sunny day belying the fact that it’s cold. The illusion of spring on a cool winter day.
  • my thoughts… are jumbled and inconsistent. Staying focused today is requiring the kitchen timer and a lot of self-discipline.
  • i am thankful for… paid up bills and a positive outlook on the future.
  • From my service training… I’m going to try very hard to rejuvenate my sexual initiative. Master would appreciate a bit of myself offering to him rather than he doing all the asking.  It’s time to give.
  • From the kitchen… Monday: Breakfast for Dinner (eggs, sausage, bacon, baked beans, toast), Tuesday: Chilidogs, Wednesday: Spaghetti, Rest of week not planned yet.
  • i am wearing… jeans and a sweat shirt; just enough to go up and down the stairs to fetch laundry
  • i am creating… homemade bread today, been taking a break for any other crafts/sewing.
  • my adventures this week… munch on Saturday otherwise I’m homebound this week.
  • Becoming well read… Going to start reading “Erotic Surrender” and I’m flipping through 21st Century Kinkycrafts. I might have to make a few things I think.
  • i manifest and co-create… fitness. I want to work hard on my exercise levels this week and reaffirm that eating healthy doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg.
  • Todays Melody… the radio is on, but I don’t know what song it is. I don’t recognize it. I like dancy tunes when I’m cleaning which I am doing today.
  • One of my favorite things… Pandora One. I’m so grateful for Master’s gift of a paid access to the internet radio. No ads and less interruptions. I use the radio A LOT!
  • further plans for this week… Make sure I’m not annoying Master by inactivity. I’m going to work on working according to schedule.  I also want to make tortillas for the freezer.

From Service Savoir Faire

Evil Things He Does

It’s amazing how a man can get sex twice in a day and still get annoyed when he doesn’t get it a third time. I promised him that we’d do it tomorrow. I guess I should remember that he’s still a man and patience just won’t always go my way.

The other night Master and I had a really intense scene where he degraded and spit on me while using me as fuckmeat. I cried and really hated him afterwards. I took a long time recovering from it and I think it’s got his boxers in a bunch. I think he feels that I can’t handle what he dishes. I talked with rayne and I agree with her outlook. She says I just need practice compartmentalizing his love for me and the evil things he does. Yeah, practice tolerating his spitting on me and feeling like garbage.  If it’s hot for him then it will work for me.

But for a day or so afterwards I had a hard time believing that he really did care for me and that we were okay. I mean, I knew deep down that it was just a scene, but I had to still grapple with the feelings it left in me. I’m not sure how to separate and work through these faster so that I get impacted less each time these sorts of scenes happen.

We have no problems talking with each other, so it’s very likely he already knows that I’m willing to work on it and that I don’t want him to think that he can’t let himself go like that. He sat right at the bedside waiting for me to stop crying and make sure I knew that he loved me and that things were okay. I just didn’t want to listen to him.

I know it know though. He likes to remind me that he loves me so much that he decided to marry me. It’s like his catch phrase right now; and it’s pretty powerful. He is marrying me. It’s important to him, I’m valuable and he really means a lifetime when he says it. No matter what, through thick and thin. We are together.

Even through the evil things he does.



New Toy

I love homemade bread. I’m so happy I found the recipe I’m using. It’s easy and makes some awesome bread.

I also made blondies. Yum!

I don’t really have a lot to talk about today.  It tends to happen when things are going well in our lives. Master has some work coming. He’ll be working the next 5-10 days almost non-stop. I don’t know how he’ll do it. He’ll be stressed and tired and I’ll be lonely because he will be spending more time in his office than with me. But we’ll survive and at the end of the day it will be worth it.

Went over to Ms Kay‘s house tonight and picked up a vibrator that she was given but refused to use. It’s a huge toy. KM will have fun using it and I’ll have fun with it too I’m sure. We’ll get to it real soon I’m sure.


Swollen Pussy

I love pussy pumping. It’s something new to me; although we’ve had a pump for over a year. We’ve casually used it every now and then but I happened upon someone’s profile on FetLife that got me fixated and then got up the desire to ask Master to give it a shot. The person on FetLife is pumpmaker. The pictures in his profile tell the tale of my fascination. I wanted to know how fat my pussy could get with it vacuum pumped up.

Master obliged me this morning. After 10 mins my pussy was feeling painfully good and it started to throb. Master took it off and played with my lips for awhile, and then put it back on. I already noticed the increased sensitivity. He left it on for a total of 30 minutes. When he took it off my usually non-existent inner lips were puffy and swollen and it was completely hiding my usually prominent clit. Just touching it was like he was caressing all of the nerve tips at once! He fucked me with my swollen pussy and it was so very hot. It felt amazing. I think I’m in love.

He promised to take a picture next time we do it so that I can share with you how my pussy looks all plumped up.

We will be getting a custom set of pumps so that I can have my nipples/breasts and clit/pussy all pumped up. I tell you I’ve not been this turned on my a sexual activity since I started trying spanking. This is like a lightbulb moment of hot sexy lusty fun. Yum!


Fuckity Fuck

If I haven’t sung the praises of the Hitachi wand enough on this blog, then you’re in for an earful again. I just love that damn thing. Even when he cranks it on high and grinds it against my clit. It’s like sensory overload in a good way. It makes me want to scream my head off and I tend to get into explicative runs, “fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck shit oh shit” sort of fun. I think Master enjoys it when I don’t know what to do with myself and I’m all tense and then spastic and then a puddle of goo.

So we had sex too, that was in there. And we tried out the new ball gag I got from Eden Fantasys. I’ve been wanting a gag I can breath out of and we went with a ball gag with holes in it. Yay! I like it, I drool a lot with it, which I think helps with the ick and oh god hot/embarrassed sort of fun. Master enjoyed it too I think.

I came so hard that I have one of those post-coital headaches. It’s going to ride along for awhile I think. We need to go to the gym soon too. Sure I’d like to skip it; it is late. But I also want to lose weight too.


I went to the Dr today for a meds follow up. I used to like this Doctor until today. He pushed too hard.

“If you got a job and had insurance we’d be able to talk about the lap band or gastric bypass”

“Yeah, well I don’t have a job and we’ve talked about this before. You noted that I declined the insane body altering surgery before this. My mind hasn’t changed. I refuse to permanently alter the way my body processes food just so that I can starve myself into losing a few pounds. If I can’t do it on my own then obviously I’ll be fat. Deal.”

“You are really tying my hands without insurance.”

“I’m working on insurance, with the Obamacare plan I can get insurance, it just means paying off one of my old bills so I can add the premium. You can wait.”

“It’s not just about walking every once in awhile, some people need to really break a sweat on a regular basis, like the Biggest Loser.”

“That’s a reality show, that no one can live up to and I hate how they’ve been brainwashed into NOT being happy about a 3 lbs loss, that somehow if they haven’t lost at least 10 they are worthless. It’s not how real weight loss is achieved.”

I left feeling ugly, fat and horrible. He’s lost me as a patient. I’ll be looking for a new Doctor in May/June when it’s time to get more meds and blood tests. Why do Doctors not realize they need to treat the whole patient, which means also doing no emotional harm? Fuck.


Here Comes the Bride

My dress is here :) http://twitpic.com/40iurd

Now I want to figure out shoes, jewelry and if a veil would work for me.

I feel more like a bride now that I have a dress. And it fits. I was so stressed that it wouldn’t fit me and I’d have to spend double the cost of the dress to get it altered. But, no need for alterations for me! The dress reaches the tops of my feet so some low heels or flats would work great.

We are getting so close to the big day and I’m really excited. I’m certain that Master is too. The look on his face after he zipped me into the dress was priceless.

We’ll be going soon to get Master set up with a rental suit.

Not a whole lot else going on right now.


but since neither of us were in the mood for sappy I’ll just go with whatever’s on my mind.

Today I told Master I wanted to suck his cock. It’s monumental for me because if you’ve been a reader for any length of time you’ll know that things to do with blow jobs are difficult for me. Honestly I really did want to suck his cock. It’s interesting. I don’t know if it was a Valentine’s day expectation of sucking or that it’s a step in a new direction. Heck, it was hot and that’s all that matters right now.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading on FetLife lately. I use it mostly as idea fodder for Submissive Guide, but some of the posts make me shake my head and it is just not worth it. Like this one I read from a Dominant that was asking where the honor between Dominants was. He goes on to say that his ex slave stole some items of his and that the honorable thing the new Dominant should do is give them back. He names names and calls him out. That’s not very honorable. He should have just dealt with it in private. It’s not a public squabble.

It’s along the same lines as gossip. I used to be a terrible gossip. I loved hearing it and talking about it. That’s not very honorable either. Master stopped that almost immediately when I first met him. And it’s stuck. It’s also something I agree with completely and try to tell others that gossiping just isn’t appropriate behavior. We’ve lost all decorum and manners, really.

I’m no angel, surely, but I try to learn how things would be done if Emily Post were sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear. I gobble up manners and etiquette articles. I love the ‘proper lady’ stuff. I’m far from a proper lady still but it’s something to work for!


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