I am ready for the new year I think. I have a list of goals I’d like to accomplish but I need to break them down so that they are more reachable in smaller bits and bites. Ultimately I want 2012 to be happy and joyful and full of positive changes for myself and our relationship.
I’ve worked my tail off for Submissive Guide and while it doesn’t make as much money as KM would like to see I’m very proud of it. It will do nothing but continue growing. He on the other hand has projects that he doesn’t want to work on until they can make money so that’s frustrating and not what will ever happen.
I fear that his big plans will never come to fruition if he keeps that mindset. I’m talking about Kinky Blogging here. He’s got plans that are only partially done and when I mention them he says he’s not going to do anything until we have a merchant account. That’s troubling since my credit stinks right now. It’s hard. We have one possible route and we are waiting for confirmation from them. Until then all the things that don’t work with Kinky Blogging and the lack of progress is because of that.
I need to learn to be more patient though because he is always working and he works hard to make sure that I don’t have to work – so that he can have me stay home like he wants me to. And sure, I love staying home. I love figuring out ways to save money and be more frugal. I have plans to add to that this next year.
I have quite a few sexual based goals as well and I have high hopes that they will keep me horny and Master happy for a long while.
We don’t have anything going on for New Year’s as I’ve mentioned before. I doubt I’ll make it past 11pm. Ah well. It’s not nearly as exciting as some people make it out to be. It’s just another day and another excuse for a party.
Happy New Year anyway!
So with the end of the year everyone I see is setting goals and resolutions which makes me think about how I’d like next year to go for me and for Master. It’s not something you can always speculate about since it is the future.
I like the whole organized approach to next year so I think I might spend some time tonight working on my goals and how I hope to reach them. I’m almost out of TV time for today anyhow.
I’m sure that some of you who have been reading for awhile know that I did try to track my smaller goals on a weekly basis and I failed at that miserably. I can’t say I’ll do better but hell, it’s goal setting so we try that too. Right.
Looking at last year’s goals I see I didn’t meet any of those but I think that was more out of sight out of mind than anything else. My plan this year is to post my goals somewhere I will see them offline. I’m also working on figuring out weekly or monthly progress goals on the main goal. It just might work.
On to the sexual front, Master has been trying to get me into being used whenever he feels like it which means more blowjobs than normal for me and being called away from whatever I’m doing to serve him. I know that many submissives have no problem doing this, but I also know many who have issues changing mid stride. And then there’s my blow job issue that while the progress has been made, it’s not easy and not super fun for me.
I’m not sure how I feel about it right now. We’ll keep trying it to make sure that it doesn’t affect me mentally or emotionally in a negative way. He’s very cautious about doing anything like this since I’m sensitive emotionally.
That’s all I have for now.
Master and I spent a very quiet Christmas at home watching TV, playing video games and doing nothing all day. I made a bacon wrapped turkey breast and some fixings.
Then in the evening I tied Master to the bed and teased him and played with myself in front of him and had a lot of fun until he got off and then I got an orgasm myself! It was great fun.
Master has noticed a bit of the doldrums in my face today. I guess I’m not that happy right now. I dunno. I hope it fades soon. I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way except to blame it on the holidays.
As many people do, the new year will bring new goals. We have talked about it and it sounds like we’ll be making the gym a habit again and eating better. Master and I agree that refined carbs are the evil so we are cutting out/down bread, rice, potatoes and pasta. For me it also means increasing my veggie intake. We’ll see how it goes.
I’ve got a few more goals, but I’m not really ready to talk about them since I’ve failed at them in previous months/years. I’m a slow learner in that area. Goals are hard for me so I know that it will sound like repeat goals. It is.
The end of the year and another New Year’s Eve. I mentioned to Master just last night if I should try to stay up for it this year. I think I’ve made it once in the past 7 years. This year doesn’t seem likely, but who knows.
Yesterday was a day with family that I was looking forward to.
But it didn’t turn out well. There was yelling and fighting and rage and people leaving and kids crying and all over stress. Not what I had in mind.
I don’t want to talk about it too much because it’s still troubling me. Today is supposed to be a day of Master and being together our first Christmas as husband and wife.
So have a Happy Christmas everyone. I wish you well.
Monday night was hell. I went to bed feeling a bit off and woke around 11:30pm with a full-blown migraine. It escalated to sound and light sensitivity that even the train going by over 1/2 mile away was too loud. I was nauseated and got sick 3 times over the course of an hour and a half. Master stayed by my side through all of it and tried his best to take care of me. He made some of my flavored coffee and tried to get me to sip it so that the caffeine might help me. He was just there for me as I prayed aloud that I needed help.
I’ve not had a migraine that severe for probably a year or more. Tuesday I was in postdrome (migraine hangover) so I didn’t get anything done except some sleeping and rest. Thankfully today I just have sore ribs/diaphragm from the vomiting.
Today I’ve been baking and candy making up a storm because my gifts for the adults this Christmas are all homemade from my kitchen.
I still have a lot of baking to do today and I need to make the dough for the cinnamon bread so that it will sit overnight before I roll it and bake it tomorrow. The mints and pecans haven’t been made yet either. I really hope I can get it all done and packaged and wrapped up by the end of tomorrow night.
Christmas at Mom’s is on Friday. I’ve got no more time available.
It looks like it will be a dry Christmas, no snow or even rain and the temps will make us feel like Fall. Of course not 300 miles south of us is a blizzard. Ick. I don’t want that.
Iv’e been struggling with a really bad period and Master is getting impatient for my sexy slutty action to come back. I don’t blame him. Our sex life struggles around my period all the time. And with me still recovering from a sprained ankle and sore (possibly broken) toe I’ve not been feeling it at all.
We are celebrating Christmas on Friday with the family. I’m making bread dough through Wednesday and then baking everything on Thursday so that the bread is fresh to give on Friday. I have one loaf in the freezer right now, which means I need 5 more.
I think with all this practice making bread I’ll be really good at it. The loaf I made for us today was yummy!
I also made chocolate chip cookie dough that tomorrow I’ll cut up into pieces and freeze so I can just pull out a few cookies at a time to bake when we have a sweets craving.
Now, starting after Christmas, Master and I are going back to the gym and I’ll be hoping to lose weight and feel better next year. It’s not really a resolution but if I ever want to sleep in the same bed as Master I need to stop snoring and to do that I need to lose weight.
Master wants to buff up a bit. I find him so handsome as is, but if he’s got a little buffer then I’m good with that
Happy Birthday Master! With each and every day that passes I can’t help but think I am one of the luckiest persons alive. You show me each and everyday how much love you have for me and I adore you more and more.
It’s no small feat to say that the words, “I love you” just don’t feel like enough. I know I’ve told you countless times that if there were words that meant more than that I’d use them. I’d scream them from the rooftops so that everyone would know of my devotion to you.
I only hope that your birthday marks the beginning of another wonderful year in your arms, the strength and calm they bring to me and the comfort of your embrace are more than I could ever hope for.
I love you Master. I wish you the best on this, your 28th birthday.
Last night, my dreams were filled with memories. Memories of friends who have moved on, ex loves and happy times with them all. I know I spent a lot of the night moving through my memories and loving being around these people.
And then I woke up. I felt horrible. First I felt regret that I am no longer talking to some of these friends and have lost contact with them. Then I felt bad that I was dreaming about happy memories with my ex-husband. I’m happy with Master I shouldn’t need to dream about the past. So today I feel really down about it all.
I’m stuck in memory today. I told Master about my dreams and he’s checking in on me a lot. I don’t know why I am letting this bother me so much. The memories are happy I should enjoy reliving them. Hell, maybe it’s just seasonal depression or something. I really don’t know.
It’s rainy today and gloomy. My wrists hurt, my ankle hurts and I’m just tired. Tell me that tomorrow will be better. Please.
There’s not a whole lot of slut activity or training lately. It’s been more about healing and recovering so that I can lay around.
Ankle is getting better. Wrists are getting worse. Winter settles into my carpal tunnel afflicted wrists causing pain. I’ll survive but it means frustration for Master and I as far as sexual adventure goes. I know I’m going to have to address my pain sooner or later, but until then…
Master’s birthday is on Friday and I think I’ve come up with the special gift I’d like to give him. He also wants to go to the movies. Sherlock Holmes comes out Friday so we’ll be going to that. Hopefully we’ll have dinner out as well.
Saturday I’ll be leading a munch and am trying to put together a topic that will be interesting. I get to do the outline tomorrow.
I’m feeling much better today! My ankle only mildly aches when I walk around. I’m sure that by the end of this weekend I’ll be a-okay again.
My jaw however hasn’t gotten a lot better. It doesn’t hurt all the time, but we tried a blow job the other day and not 5 mins into the fun my jaw popped and started hurting. Not fair at all.
If it’s not one thing than it’s another.
Most people in D/s relationships will say that everyday living gets in the way of the power exchange. In our case it’s getting in the way of the sex. For us, sex is a very important part of how we communicate and connect. I know we just have to put up with the issues and bring out the D/s when you can.
You can’t really do that for sex. Well, not for us. Creativity is running dry I think. And that sucks.
I’ve decided that it is so much easier to have Master take care of me when I’m sick than when I’m injured. I don’t feel ill so it has the feeling that I’m abusing his care when I know I’m not.
We are going to figure out how to have sex while I’m injured soon. We both want it, although Master’s parading around the house looking sexy and teasing me with flashes of his hot self don’t help with my feelings of frustration over my immobility.
I have to run a submissive forum tomorrow night so I am going to hope to not move around much once I’m there. Although it is a self serve pizza buffet so I’ll at least have to walk the line once. I’ll see if others will be gracious enough to help me out if I need a refill or something.
I’ve done reading on severe sprains and it sounds like I’ll be recovering for several weeks. Yuck. I can’t imagine the state this apartment will get in even though I’m not a super clean freak it at least stays decent. Now…. I don’t know.
Master has had to go to the grocery store a few times since Monday. It’s hard to describe what I want when normally I write something like “mexican chip dip” and know exactly where it is and what it looks like. He had no clue and so called me for directions once in the store. He’s there now looking for something that I know is hard to find. I hope he doesn’t get to annoyed with the food hunt.
He forbid me from getting out of bed while he was gone and I think I’ll be here all night. It’s insanely hard for me to just lay about especially when, as I’ve said before, I don’t feel ill.
The cats are spoiled with attention and laying around with mommy though. They love it.
Here’s to more forced boredom.
I got up this morning and put together all the chores and errands I needed to run for the day. I was looking forward to getting all that stuff done and looking forward to having some fun this afternoon.
There was no way to know what was waiting for me down the stairs. I hit a patch of ice on the concrete last step and slid into the gravel. I sprained my left ankle and my right toe while also bruising my right knee. I cried and groaned and reached for the phone in my purse. Not quite sure I should move my foot at all. I called Master to come down and help me that I had fallen. I was so panicked and in pain.
He helped me up the 3 flights of stairs and has cared for me all day. I got nothing done. I’ve limped and whined about how bad I hurt all day long. I felt like such a bother.
I still feel like a bother even though I know that Master will do everything to take care of me. He even went to the store earlier and he never does that unless he has to!
Master says that I’ll be recovering a few days before I can do much of what I want to do. Which makes me grumbly.
Mom called me shortly after I made it back up stairs. I told her that I was going to be fine and her first words were, sue the landlord. OMG whatever. Just because I slipped on the ice that isn’t everywhere, just that tiny specific spot? Can’t people get into accidents anymore without blaming anyone but their own misfortune? I don’t think she’s resigned herself to me not wanting to do anything about it.
As a submissive it’s so hard to accept that service is reversed when you are ill or laid up. I know and understand why it has to happen but it doesn’t make it any easier. He’s happy to take care of me I know it.
I have this slut space that doesn’t come out nearly as often as Master would like. Last night as I was getting ready for bed it awoke and he took full use of my slutty behavior. It feels so good to let myself go and enjoy sex as such a primal level. It’s hard to embarrass myself when I’m feeling this way too.
I had a wonderful time too, I hope I can bring out my slutty behavior more often in the future!
Today we both go to a potluck munch for the holidays. There promises to be a lot of wonderful food there. I’m looking forward to some conversation and socializing. Master not so much.
Christmas is coming and I’m not even feeling the desire to put the tree up. I’m not in the spirit I guess.
You know…. sometimes I wonder how seasonal depression sets in. Is it an amount of stress that makes it come to head? Or is it just the weather and the gloomy days instead of bright sunshine? I don’t know but I think I have it. And it sucks.
I did have a nicer day though in that Master let me go work outside of home for a few hours. I just feel rejuvenated when I do that. Master wants me to learn to work from home and I agree, but just once a week I love to be out and about. It’s a connection to other people and it feels good.
I’ve got plans for more organized way cleaning ideas. I’m just so frustrated with myself and my disorganized way of homecare. I keep thinking I have a good way to go about it, and then it gets abandoned. I know something has to work and so I need to find it. It’s unfortunate that cleaning isn’t a submissive sort of feeling task for me or I might be more motivated. It’s just more that I have to do it to earn my way here. It’s my job so I have to find a way to be happy and keep Master in a clean and happy home.
Is there ever a time that there is too much organizational tools or whatnot and it gets in the way of the actual tasks? Gosh, part of me just wants a binder and go through it but I’ve had something like it and never kept it up. Gah it’s hard.
I have a lot more thinking to do I think.
I’m so thrilled that the group I had been cheering on all season one the Sing-Off! I will definitely ask Master to buy their CD when it comes out.
I’ve been recovering from my jaw pain. I’m not sure what caused it but it’s still nagging. Last night I sneezed and it didn’t hurt right away but I felt something pull and moments after Master asked me if I was okay and I said I was fine, I was crying and struggling through the pain.
I’m struggling. I’m feeling aimless and frustrated about my submission right now. I can’t get over the feeling that Master isn’t getting everything he needs because I’m constantly hurting. I’m not motivated to do more than I have to and while Master still looks at me with that glint in his eye and moan in pleasure when I bend over in front of him I’m not living up to my potential.
I’m going to have to try harder. I need to be more organized with my own submission. I understand how it should be done and what I need to get there. I can do this.
This has been flying around the blogosphere lately and it’s been named the Virtual Blogger award and the Versatile Blogger award. It’s the same thing as far as I can tell. I’ve been tagged numerous times so I thought it best to post while I have time.
Rules are quite simple. Thank the people who gave you the award, share 7 things about yourself and then nominate 15 other blogs.
Thank you goes to pixie, beloved’s girl, kaya, MDpt, and a few others that I can’t recall now. Oh, and Theresa also nominated Submissive Guide and since I don’t post awards there I wanted to say thank you for that one also.
Now, for the 7 Things…
- 25 Things about me and my submission
- 100 Things about me
- Another 100 Things (in the works)
- Random things
- Yes No things
- 5 Things from Mija
- Another 7 Things meme
Tag, you’re it!
Today’s Submissive Guide Blog Hop is to talk about your most valuable asset in your relationship. It’s taken me a long time to think about what that could be. I mean I’m not a patient person, I don’t do well with completing tasks either.
My most valuable asset is my desire to change and grow. If I didn’t want to change and didn’t work hard to get there I wouldn’t develop into the person I want and need to be for Master. I know he’s happy to have me change.
The fact that it took me so long to figure out what my asset is to him is a worry, in my opinion. Why shouldn’t I know what makes me special to Master? It should be in the forefront of my mind so that I can keep him happy and make my assets really stand out.
Of course, he’d say that it’s likely my ass and tits that are my best assets but I’m not going that direction. Nope, not me.
I slept poorly last night and most of it was in fits of a headache. I had a headache all day today and while that has faded my jaw now hurts. I think I may have slept with it clenched. Miserable.
Master has been great about it. He’s so caring and wonderful and I really appreciate how well he takes care of me. I never thought I’d have the love I have from him in my life. He comforted me, made me hot tea and checked in on me when I was napping. Love, I has it.
Tonight I’ve been browsing prices for a basic needle play kit. Master and I went to a demo on needle play recently by Lqqkout and I’m super curious about it enough that I’d love to be his pin cushion. I asked all these questions about once they are in how to make it more painful, lol. Endorphin rush I’m sure. He’s given me permission to get a kit together after his next paycheck. I’m excited! I hope I like it as much as thinking about it makes me excited.
Nanowrimo has fallen flat this week. I’m shooting for 25K now… that’s half the expected goal. I have just 3K left to get there. I have gotten a lot done and even more plans together for more. Inspired that December will be a simple month for content I’m sure I can get more writing done next month than I usually do.
Tomorrow Master and I are home for Thanksgiving. I’m making a stuffed bacon wrapped turkey breast and all the fixings. I’m going to try a mashed sweet potato casserole this year. I always look forward to the Macy’s parade on TV and there’s always Punkin’ Chunkin’ on Discovery at night (LOL).
Saw Mom today. Got her all set up with her new computer so that she could use it for facebook and online Bingo – you heard me right. Ah well, I also showed her all the free TV and radio that is online so that she can enjoy other pleasures.
I had another Submissive Forum tonight. I went great. I learned a lot. And anyone who says that the facilitator won’t learn anything is wrong. We learn just as much as the attendees. The topic tonight was overcoming anger and frustration. I focused on frustration because that leads to anger and if we can squash frustration we’ll have less anger. I learned about all the ways other handle frustration and why it’s so difficult for submissives specifically; we overthink a lot of things and expect us to be perfect a lot.
I’ll be doing a video post on the subject this week for Submissive Guide as well so hopefully I’ll put all those thoughts into the video so that others can understand it too. Next month’s topic will be just as fantastic – courtesy, manners and appropriate speech. A bit weighty for just 2 hours but I bet we can wade through a lot of it in that time.
Master has been feeling a bit neglected sexually so I need to pay more attention to him tomorrow. I really do adore him and each time I talk about him at meetings and such it just reminds me how perfect he is for me and how much I love what he does for me. I could never be the person I am today without him.
Thanksgiving will be low key here, just the two of us. I’m making a bacon wrapped stuffed turkey breast and a few of the fixins. I always look forward to the Parade so I’ll be watching that also. Master won’t be up till noon. I think we might have a movie marathon if he’s up to it. I know one year we did Lord of the Rings and another we did Harry Potter. Not sure what we’ll do this year but we’ll spend time together, that’s for sure.
I have another toy from BDSM-Gear that I need to test out so that I can review it soon too. I’m looking forward to it. It’s a leather strap so that means a spanking is forthcoming. Yay!
I missed posting yesterday. I went to bed early. I’ve not been sleeping well. I fear that I may be sick again. I’m going to have to learn to function while sick because so much doesn’t get done and then I have a back log of things to do. It makes me feel constantly behind and I hate that feeling.
I went to my bi-annual BDSM Presentation for my alma mater on Thursday. The class was very interested in the rules that I have and it always makes me realize just how many I do have and how far into protocol Master and I are compared to others in the lifestyle. I can’t help but be amazed by my own relationship then.
And of course while I’m telling them some of my rules, I come up with another one to ask Master if I should consider. I called it the 3 second rule, as in I have to wait 3 seconds to speak when he’s around so that I make sure I don’t interrupt him. I think my main problem with interrupting him is that I don’t make a note to see if he’s talking to begin with. I’m so into my own thoughts and conversation that I am unaware. Bad submissive! This 3 second rule is going to suck and I’m going to be so frustrated by it as I learn if it will work or not. Master likes the idea so we’ll be testing it out now.
We have so many other rules that have fallen by the wayside – unenforced and undone. I remember what some of them are, but still don’t feel the push to do them so they just sit as failed rules… for now. I know that every rule that Master suggests are ones that he’d like to have enforced but also know that would be very taxing on him. It’s my job to remember the rules and do my best to do them.
I seem to always think about my rules when I’m feeling behind, like my mind just wants to pile more onto the stress for the hell of it. I don’t know why it does that.