I stayed home today instead of going out like I have the past 3 days. Yet I’m still staring out the window wondering if there is anywhere I can go. I don’t know what is driving me to find somewhere else to be everyday. It’s not normally this crazy– this pull to just not be home. I can’t be stir crazy or have cabin fever. I’m not stuck at home so… I dunno.

Master has noted on more than one occasion that I need to have a set schedule and stick to it. Right now I just kinda go with the flow of things. Some days I get a lot done and other times I get nothing done. So, I’m tasking myself to do more than define the hours I’m going to do housework and web work. It just might work.

I’m stuck on Christmas stuff lately… music, tv, movies, the works. I’m hopefully going to put up the Christmas tree this weekend. I’m not sure I feel the spirit of Christmas yet. I long for that feeling; I have no doubt that I will find it. Anyone watched the really old cartoons from like the 50′s? I’m watching them now and they are quite cute.

Going grocery shopping tomorrow as part of my chores and as always I’ll endeavor to keep it in the budget. It’s a game I enjoy playing since it’s part of my job as his submissive. I should make laundry soap too.

I’m getting better. I’m still taking decent naps everyday and I can tell you I’m tired of being sick. When sick Master and I are almost quarantined from each other. We sleep separately, we don’t spend a lot of time in the same room, only a little bit of touch and certainly no sex.

We do this more pronounced when, like now, Master can’t take time off for work. It makes me miss him even though he’s just a few feet away in another room. I’m miserable because I don’t feel well too. It sure makes for loneliness.

Now, I have been able to do a little bit of work here and there. The dishes get done. The living room picked up, some writing complete. But I have yet to be able to work a full day and the house is starting to show it’s neglect.

Just a few months ago I wouldn’t care but now I feel like I’m letting Master down by not getting things done. Even though I have a reason for the lapse I still look around and think “this should be done” or “that needs to be cleaned” without thought to the fact that I’m still to weak to get it all done.

I’m also feeling very sexually frustrated and without the energy to see it come to fruition at all. It’s just a tease of dreams and thoughts and fantasies right now, but I know.. soon… I will be better and available yet again for lots of fun.

So this post seems like a sad tale of what I want but can’t have right now. I wish I could think of something better to say, and yet, I don’t have the mental energy to do that either.

–lunaKM

I’m sick again. I have a cold. I spent all of yesterday sleeping and taking meds. This just sucks. I think it has to do with the amount of contact we have with other people now that we live closer to others. We aren’t little hermits anymore. I’m going to have to start taking things to boost our immune system. Heck, we aren’t even into the thick of winter yet and Master and I have been sick over and over again.  Thankfully or not, I’m just suffering a cold. With OTC meds I can at least function.

I hope to get some work done. I’ve got a braided flogger to make for the kinky crafts I’m doing next week. So far it’s looking cool and I might share pictures. I have some leather to make a second one that will be for Master’s toybag.

The next seven days Master is working 10 hour days. He wants to try to make a month’s worth of income before the end of the month since he’s been without work for so long. All I can do is support him and make sure he’s comfortable. I know he’s going to work his ass off so that we don’t struggle through another month like we have. We will catch up.

Tomorrow Master is working and I’m fixing a small dinner for the two of us. Not sure what I’ll be doing all day. Other than a bit of cooking that is. I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

–lunaKM

I’m in a deep despair that I feel consuming me. I can no longer see the positive, only the negative and hopelessness of what we are going through. In my depression I’m dragging Master’s mood further down and I know that I have the power to correct it.

This last job that Master took, was twice as long as it was supposed to be and that means the income was half as much as we need. Paying the necessary bills has us struggling for food and creature comforts. I realize that everyone has periods like this and I also know that we will recover and be back to normal in a month or so.

But that doesn’t make the right now easy to bear.

I’m also on my period which always amplifies whatever mood I’m in. It’s not only frustrating but anger inducing. Sometimes I just want to scream when I’m feeling down and not lifting from it.

I go to UNI tomorrow for the BDSM panel that I do every semester. Master is staying home to work. I hope that the drive alone will help me take care of the thoughts in my head and I can return in a better mood and hopeful about the future.

–lunaKM

I spent our last bit of money until payday today. We have some groceries now, but not much and the kitties won’t starve either. Sometimes it’s hard living on a freelancers paycheck. They tend to be huge checks but they are not on a regular basis. It’s now an art form to provide yummy foods with what I have. I’m getting to be a better houseslut every day.

Master and I have been getting a lot of sex in today. I’m achy and sore and very blissful. I’m writing this while still in that hazy sex fog of afterglow and I’m finding it very hard to concentrate. I keep getting flashes of the fun we just had.

In fact I can’t think of anything else to say because of it….

Um, Master has been working on a new version of Submissive Guide all day today. It’s going to be cleaner and easier to navigate. I think I’ve said that previously so shoot me if you’ve read it before. I’ve gone through like 4 different community software ideas and finally returned to the first one I had. I’ll be playing with it and learning it’s features soon enough.

There’s so much progress going on in my life right now. Take for example, blow jobs. Not that long ago they were a chore. I’d do them with this look of hatred on my face and they’d be unsatisfactory. Now I do them without complaint and even enjoy them! I haven’t a clue what clicked inside me, but I’m glad it did. It makes Master so happy and satisfied that I’ve improved in this manner. I’m still working to deep throat but I think even he knows that it’s going to take a long, long, long time.  I really think the Kink Academy homework that I did helped in that.

The holidays are coming and with that I always go into cooking and baking mode. I’m itching for the money to start doing that. There’s just something about it being cold outside and you’re inside making nice warm goodies and yummy foods to fill your belly. It also gives me a good excuse to learn ‘from scratch’ ways of doing things that I haven’t before. Like stuffing. I’d like to learn how to make my own stuffing instead of buying the box mix. So, I’m going to price things out as far as the bread, onions, celery, spices, broth, etc and see where it comes in. Is it more costly? And if so, does it matter if there are no preservatives in it?

–lunaKM

Today I feel so much better than I have in the last 5 days. I am pretty sure the stomach flu is all out of my system. It took forever to feel steady on my feet, not need a nap every few hours and to replenish the fluids in my system. I feel the most normal today so I’m declaring myself well.

I’m honestly excited that I can go back to the gym. I didn’t think I’ve really ever say that.  There must be something to this whole exercise thing that I enjoy. I’m also actually looking forward to getting caught up on cleaning.  The house has been slowly becoming a pig sty since I’ve not had the energy to do much but today is the day I think I’ll get right back in the swing of things.

I’m really craving some rope work and Master is obliging of course. Hopefully in the next few days we’ll be able to get the rope out and draw sweet music on my skin. If I remember I’ll ask for pictures and I can post them here. I know I always say that but truthfully we’ve not taken pictures for a while either so there’s still a possibility of nudie shots of luna on here.

For awhile I’ve talked about Master working on a network of kink related websites and this week he finished one for beta testing. It’s the Kinky Blogging site which is a WordPress adult/kinky blog host. We are looking for bloggers to test the system so if you have been considering writing a blog, now is the time to get started! Let me know you want a blog and I’ll send you an invite code. It is likely I’ll be moving my sites to the service (you won’t notice the change) when Master has time set aside to do that down the road.

With the excitement of a new project Master has also created an IRC chat server on Kink Network. It’s main purpose was to have support chat for the sites he’s opening, but it’s open for anyone to create rooms. I’ve also moved the Submissive Guide chat to the network and a FetLife group also has a chat room there. It’s just waiting to grow, so if you are a fan of text chat you can head over there too on the Kink Network website.

The new projects that are being born means that older projects need a facelift. Through extensive talk last night Master and I agreed that Submissive Guide is getting very jumbled and full of things it doesn’t need or that need a better organizational structure. In the coming months we’ll be working to find a way to make the growth of Submissive Guide work the best for readers and still be welcoming to new people. I want better ways to find content. The community feels crammed into the site, so I want to make a special place for that. The design needs a face lift and it needs to be more appealing. The blog will move to Kinky Blogging services since they are balanced and speedier than the way it’s done now. It’s a tall order but one that I know we can do.

Down the road, The Iron Gate will be changing drastically too, but that’s for another day.

–lunaKM

You’ve missed me I’m sure. Friday afternoon I started feeling icky and then it got worse. By the end of the night I was in the full bout of stomach flu or food poisoning. Who knows now, but I swear I couldn’t care then. I was dizzy and weak and in the bathroom half the night. I slept most of Saturday and Sunday. I’m here today feeling still weak, my chest hurts from heaving and I’m trying really hard to get back all the liquids back into my body.

I’ll get better now but it will be slow. I’m hoping that I’ll be able to do small chores around the house tomorrow and nap less. It’s been better today and I’m so happy for that. Eating has been slow, bland food sucks! and I’ve had a lot of toast.

Master has been a trooper through it all. He’s taken good care of me, checking on me throughout the night and day as I slept. It’s amazing how he’s made sure I’m comfortable.

–lunaKM

I’m fixated on my engagement ring lately. It glints nicely and catches the light. I love it. I’m mesmerized by it.  And odd thing is I that I feel so loved wearing it.

I’m loved and owned. I wear two of Master’s rings. One on my finger and one around my neck. I think the one on my hand gets more notice, at least my notice.

—

My orgasms seem to take a lot more work to get to. I’m not sure why. It’s frustrating and annoying. I’d prefer if they’d go back to rapid fire like they used to.

—

Made some cocoa mix this morning. It’s getting to the temps that a hot cup of cocoa hits the spot, don’t you think?

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I’ve also switched to using baking soda and borax to wash dishes in the dishwasher. We’ll see how it goes this week. I’m going to use vinegar for a rinse aid when the compartment is empty. If it doesn’t clean well I’ll go back to buying detergent and just stretching it with borax.

–lunaKM