I stayed home today instead of going out like I have the past 3 days. Yet I’m still staring out the window wondering if there is anywhere I can go. I don’t know what is driving me to find somewhere else to be everyday. It’s not normally this crazy– this pull to just not be home. I can’t be stir crazy or have cabin fever. I’m not stuck at home so… I dunno.
Master has noted on more than one occasion that I need to have a set schedule and stick to it. Right now I just kinda go with the flow of things. Some days I get a lot done and other times I get nothing done. So, I’m tasking myself to do more than define the hours I’m going to do housework and web work. It just might work.
I’m stuck on Christmas stuff lately… music, tv, movies, the works. I’m hopefully going to put up the Christmas tree this weekend. I’m not sure I feel the spirit of Christmas yet. I long for that feeling; I have no doubt that I will find it. Anyone watched the really old cartoons from like the 50′s? I’m watching them now and they are quite cute.
Going grocery shopping tomorrow as part of my chores and as always I’ll endeavor to keep it in the budget. It’s a game I enjoy playing since it’s part of my job as his submissive. I should make laundry soap too.
I’m getting better. I’m still taking decent naps everyday and I can tell you I’m tired of being sick. When sick Master and I are almost quarantined from each other. We sleep separately, we don’t spend a lot of time in the same room, only a little bit of touch and certainly no sex.
We do this more pronounced when, like now, Master can’t take time off for work. It makes me miss him even though he’s just a few feet away in another room. I’m miserable because I don’t feel well too. It sure makes for loneliness.
Now, I have been able to do a little bit of work here and there. The dishes get done. The living room picked up, some writing complete. But I have yet to be able to work a full day and the house is starting to show it’s neglect.
Just a few months ago I wouldn’t care but now I feel like I’m letting Master down by not getting things done. Even though I have a reason for the lapse I still look around and think “this should be done” or “that needs to be cleaned” without thought to the fact that I’m still to weak to get it all done.
I’m also feeling very sexually frustrated and without the energy to see it come to fruition at all. It’s just a tease of dreams and thoughts and fantasies right now, but I know.. soon… I will be better and available yet again for lots of fun.
So this post seems like a sad tale of what I want but can’t have right now. I wish I could think of something better to say, and yet, I don’t have the mental energy to do that either.
I’ve really learned a lot about how my breathing affects not only my arousal but also my partner’s arousal. Honestly I never thought that my sexual journey could get any better than it already is. Yet, I have 2 more videos to watch on this topic! Continuing on the Holistic Sexuality Series by Sheri Winston she talks about sound and how it enhances and amplifies your sexual experience (5 mins).
Let’s face it; I’m a noisy person when it comes to sex. I moan and sigh and talk a lot when KM and I are fucking.
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I’m sick again. I have a cold. I spent all of yesterday sleeping and taking meds. This just sucks. I think it has to do with the amount of contact we have with other people now that we live closer to others. We aren’t little hermits anymore. I’m going to have to start taking things to boost our immune system. Heck, we aren’t even into the thick of winter yet and Master and I have been sick over and over again. Thankfully or not, I’m just suffering a cold. With OTC meds I can at least function.
I hope to get some work done. I’ve got a braided flogger to make for the kinky crafts I’m doing next week. So far it’s looking cool and I might share pictures. I have some leather to make a second one that will be for Master’s toybag.
The next seven days Master is working 10 hour days. He wants to try to make a month’s worth of income before the end of the month since he’s been without work for so long. All I can do is support him and make sure he’s comfortable. I know he’s going to work his ass off so that we don’t struggle through another month like we have. We will catch up.
Tomorrow Master is working and I’m fixing a small dinner for the two of us. Not sure what I’ll be doing all day. Other than a bit of cooking that is. I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.
In the previous post on corsets I watched several videos on the basic design and tips and tricks for both plus sized corset wearers and other simple tips. I was eager to keep going in my corset love and since there are so many lovely videos about corsets here at Kinky Academy I was definitely not going to be denied that pleasure.
This time I wanted to learn about corset construction. I’ve had dreams of making my own corsets (doubt that will come to fruition) so the construction of a corset has been very interesting to me. If you have an obsession with corsets as I do, I think you’ll enjoy the following 3 videos.
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I feel like I didn’t get any sleep last night even though I went to bed at 9:30 and didn’t get up till 8 this morning. I’ve tried hard not to take a nap because I’m afraid I’ll not wake up.
It has helped a bit that the stress of this week is starting to lift, even if things aren’t perfect yet. We have a little bit of money coming in and more coming a bit later. I know that Master has plans to not let it happen again, but it’s going to take time to build up our savings. Our dreams will realize one day.
The BDSM panel discussion yesterday went really really well. While talking I realized that I have quite a structured life and that my behavior modifications bring me deeper into submission than I thought. Talking with my friends on the way home it turns out the way I think about submission and the methods that Master has taught me to understand myself are not very common. They were quite impressed with how I see my personal growth and would like for me to present on them at some point in the future at the local group. I’m still thinking about that, but I think I’d love it.
From a personal standpoint, when I first started my journey I was quite content to say that I submitted because I wanted to please my Master. Now, I consider that a knee-jerk reaction and not a good enough reason. Master has taught me that my desire to serve needs to be in the forefront before his pleasure because that way what I serve him is ultimately better and more fulfilling.
He’s lead me to a personal growth in my submission that I never thought I’d reach; something that I think very few submissives ever try to get to. So many that I know are happy to stay at the knee jerk submission and not reach within themselves to know more about what makes them happy to serve. I can say that through all my struggles, Master has been adamant about me learning why I struggle rather than just overcoming the obstacle.
It’s made me better that way. He has been the best thing to ever happen in my life because he has taught me to better myself from the inside out.
I love you Master.
I’m in a deep despair that I feel consuming me. I can no longer see the positive, only the negative and hopelessness of what we are going through. In my depression I’m dragging Master’s mood further down and I know that I have the power to correct it.
This last job that Master took, was twice as long as it was supposed to be and that means the income was half as much as we need. Paying the necessary bills has us struggling for food and creature comforts. I realize that everyone has periods like this and I also know that we will recover and be back to normal in a month or so.
But that doesn’t make the right now easy to bear.
I’m also on my period which always amplifies whatever mood I’m in. It’s not only frustrating but anger inducing. Sometimes I just want to scream when I’m feeling down and not lifting from it.
I go to UNI tomorrow for the BDSM panel that I do every semester. Master is staying home to work. I hope that the drive alone will help me take care of the thoughts in my head and I can return in a better mood and hopeful about the future.
Two weeks ago I told you about the start of my holistic sexual journey with identifying my breathing and using to enhance my sexual arousal and pleasure. Since then I’ve made sure I was more aware of my breathing during play and sex and I’m ready to tell you all what I learned about myself and how breathing really does help with arousal. Really!
Trust me, I didn’t believe it at first, but I made sure I was open enough to start seeing if I could breath myself to pleasure. I started out during sex. I not only paid attention to my breathing but I focused it into a noisier forceful deep pant that got faster and faster the more sexually turned on I was.
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It has been quite some time since Master and I had a play session. Sure we have spontaneous play all the time, but lately the scheduled playtime hasn’t happened. It’s mostly my fault. I just haven’t been in the mood. It sounds odd I’m sure to some of you who crave play all the time and think that a week is just too long to be in between whippings, but here…. it’s more about service and the D/s that comes with it.
I’m not knocking it though. Play is great, it’s powerful and leaves me satiated and exhausted. Yesterday was a perfect example. Master pulled out the rope and decided to put me in a modified hog tie. I’d been craving some rope time since we went to a munch where they were having a rope social. Basically it was a bunch of people tying and being tied and having lots of fun. I watched lots of wonderful looking ties from Lqqkout and I know that Master could get close to his caliber someday (if we can get our butts to Shibaricon soonish).
The hogtie is modified because if you couldn’t guess, I’m fat, and it’s a lot of stress on my shoulders to have my hands tied behind my back for a long time. Master also wanted a blowjob while I was tied up so I had to be up on my elbows. He tied them in front so I had the inability to use them and yet hold me up as well. The chest harness would hold the pull from my ankles and I love that feeling that a hog tie can give you. It’s a stress position so I don’t recommend it for everyone. Master has always made it in compartments so that he can loosen and undo parts without taking apart the whole. Thus extending the bondage.
I love rope bondage. After I was tied, with my face nearest the edge of the bed, Master face fucked me for awhile. It was hard and sloppy. I felt used and then sore in my neck. He came on my face and then he moved on to other things.
I rolled onto my side while still tied and Master wedged the Hitachi wand between my thighs and had me bucking and wriggling in the rope in no time. There may or may not be any video evidence of this orgiastic torture…..
All in all a good time. Master and I are both exhausted from it.
Here’s a few pictures of what the rope looked like. Click and you will get bigger views.