I forgot to blog on Friday, then I forgot to blog yesterday to make up for Friday. So here I am today making up for the make up.
It’s amazing how at peace we are with our relationship right now. I can’t think of a single moment where I didn’t feel that my sole duty was to his service. He’s happy, our sex life is fantastic and only promises to get better. My domestic duties are getting done and the house has never been maintained this clean before (I contribute part of that for me liking this place). It definitely is a nice feeling to know that I’m doing what he asks of me and that we are grounded in our dynamic.
This perfect feeling of being in the right place in my life, of having that structure I’d been longing makes me wonder if I could shift to being a slave after all. Now, granted, Master already considers much of what I do as slave behavior but I just can’t open up to calling myself a slave. For me it has to have so much more. But I know that if this perfection is maintained I could see myself becoming a slave.
I find it quite marveling sometimes with how much I can analyze and think about my personal submission and how it relates to me. I question if I get self-absorbed in this pondering often. I can not say if others think about who they are and why they are the way they are as often as I do. I try to weed out the excuses I’ve been using for years and really understand the reasons behind those excuses. It’s not an easy task at all and sometimes I come right back to the excuse again making no progress at all.
And yet I still progress. It’s evidenced by the fact that I no longer complain about blow jobs, that he hasn’t had a reluctant blow job in well over 2 months, and I’m starting to enjoy them. Enjoy them enough in fact that he has started really working with me and my gag reflex with deep throating. It’s not an easy task. Master is well endowed and very wide, so while it might be easier to deep throat a thinner cock because it doesn’t press the epiglottis I don’t have that luxury. So, we are taking it an inch at a time. I’ve not progressed much in this yet, but I do have faith that I can achieve great things and give him more pleasure this way.
In the end it’s all pleasure.