I’m back. I feel better after this break but I think that it will do me good to be blogging publicly again. I know Master will appreciate it. It’s amazing how little I have to say when I’m not talking to the world at large and it’s just him.
It was my choice to go silent on the blog. I needed to recenter my service to Master and find a way to stay focused. To help me I asked Master if he’d be willing to take on a bit more responsibility. The next day we implemented the ask permission rule. I am to ask permission to do anything; from going to the bathroom to doing chores, getting dressed and anything else. It pretty much means that I have to get permission to do anything more than breathe. Some days are better than others for me remembering to do it and since it’s for my recentering I don’t get in trouble. It does hinder my focus though so I lose out.
We are going to keep the rule I think. He’s not expressed a dislike in it and I like it when I remember to do it so I think it will just get better with practice. Anyone else have a rule like this? How does it work for your relationship?
Went to the Dr on Tuesday. He thinks I may have bi-polar disorder when I told him about my days of insane mood swings. Master thinks it’s likely depression but I’m off to a psychiatrist for a better diagnosis. We’ll see what he says next month. Until then I’m refusing to believe that I’m bi-polar. Mom is bi-polar and was undiagnosed through my entire childhood. It was hell. I think the primary diagnosis has lead to more anxiety than just having mood swings would have.
I’ve been looking at wedding dresses a lot lately. I have a favorite: “Jessica“. Now there are several others that I like, but this is the one I’ve had on in my dreams of the wedding. I feel that if I try it on I’ll not look further. Other dresses I’ve looked at are on that site too. I love the pick up skirts, the fully beaded bodices. It’s likely that I love just about every dress in their plus size collection. Challenge is that this dress is only at one store and that store is located in Ohio… 10 hours away. Now, of course I can buy it online and have it altered here, but I want desperately to have that THIS IS THE DRESS moment in the store, ya know? I’m going dress shopping with mom in June but I doubt I’ll find something in my price range (under 500) that comes in my size.
Speaking of my size… I’ve not lost any weight and I’m getting that desperate feeling again. I’m thinking of doing a liquid diet for awhile. Probably Slim-Fast, although I think I”d enjoy doing Special K diet for 2 weeks. Who knows. I just need to see some movement and I’d be inspired and motivated. Master says, and I do agree, that the key is exercise and I’m not doing nearly enough. No kidding. *sigh*
–luna
