April 2010

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Thank god it’s Friday. Master has been working his fingers to the bone this week to make up for a miscalculation we made in the budget.  We’ve not spent more than a couple hours together all week. It’s been hard an impacting both of us. I took Master to get a massage today so that he could relax and welcome the weekend. We’ll have a relaxing weekend and hopefully it will be full of passion. I can hope anyway.

I’ve been craving crap for food today. It’s a bad deal but one that I’m looking to give in somehow. I’ve got to find a happy medium.


Topping from the bottom has submissives all over fearing asking for anything. This shouldn’t be the case. If you have a NEED, and not a want then you should be able to express that to your Dominant without repercussions of any sort.

As with any request, be respectful. If there is an accusation that they promised and didn’t fulfill it, keep it to how it has affected you, not what they did or didn’t do. “I feel….” works wonderfully for this.

If your Dominant says that you are topping from the bottom every time you express anything then they aren’t keeping your needs in mind and a renegotiation period may be necessary to get back on track. Hopefully you both can step out of role in order to do this.

Thanks for the question!

Ask me Anything!

Seeking Pleasure

The most common struggle discussed on this blog is my issue with blow jobs. I don’t really like to give blowjobs all the time. Sometimes I do, really, but most of the time I’m just not willing. I don’t like the taste of semen or the funk of ball sack. I won’t get into it because I talk about it all the time. Today in my effort to please Master it was apparent that I wasn’t pleasing him completely but I did my best not to show my disinterest. For my efforts, instead of anything like a thank you he said, “I guess that will  have to do for today.” I was really crushed. My attempts to improve my skills felt useless. He apologized later, that he was happy that I didn’t fight him with it. I did obey and that at least deserved a thank you.

We both agree that we aren’t being fulfilled in this service. It’s not pleasurable to me and Master isn’t getting what he needs to feel happy. He even mentioned removing oral sex from our sexual repertoire altogether. While I don’t think that will happen I don’t know what will. Are there D/s relationships that have no oral sex in them? I’d have to say that would be rare indeed and I don’t think I’d be happy if the decision came down that it was being removed; even if I don’t like to do it. I know that somewhere I can find instant desire. I know I have a sex slave heart somewhere – I was a sex machine when I was younger and now I’m just not. I hate it.

I’m grumbly today but things really are going well for us. Other than the now common issue discussed above we are happy and working well as a couple. I’m feeling closer to my submission everyday. We are finding that groove and loving it. I know that more play time is sure to follow.


Liquids on Hold

This excerpt is from my Diet Blog on SparkPeople.com. My username is lunaKM if you wish to friend me.

I talked with KM about a liquid diet and he said he won’t consider it until I can exercise 5 times a week for 2 weeks. I’m averaging 3 right now. He’s emphasizing exercise for sure and I agree. So… my task is to get that exercise level up if I want to try anything else.

I’m feeling better about what I need to do; I just need to do it. I’m one step closer to success. I’m so proud of my friends on here who have reached goals and are succeeding. I’ll be in that list soon enough. <BR…

Read the rest at my SparkPeople Blog

I’m back. I feel better after this break but I think that it will do me good to be blogging publicly again. I know Master will appreciate it. It’s amazing how little I have to say when I’m not talking to the world at large and it’s just him.

It was my choice to go silent on the blog. I needed to recenter my service to Master and find a way to stay focused. To help me I asked Master if he’d be willing to take on a bit more responsibility. The next day we implemented the ask permission rule. I am to ask permission to do anything; from going to the bathroom to doing chores, getting dressed and anything else. It pretty much means that I have to get permission to do anything more than breathe. Some days are better than others for me remembering to do it and since it’s for my recentering I don’t get in trouble.  It does hinder my focus though so I lose out.

We are going to keep the rule I think. He’s not expressed a dislike in it and I like it when I remember to do it so I think it will just get better with practice. Anyone else have a rule like this? How does it work for your relationship?

Went to the Dr on Tuesday. He thinks I may have bi-polar disorder when I told him about my days of insane mood swings. Master thinks it’s likely depression but I’m off to a psychiatrist for a better diagnosis. We’ll see what he says next month. Until then I’m refusing to believe that I’m bi-polar. Mom is bi-polar and was undiagnosed through my entire childhood. It was hell.  I think the primary diagnosis has lead to more anxiety than just having mood swings would have.

I’ve been looking at wedding dresses a lot lately. I have a favorite: “Jessica“. Now there are several others that I like, but this is the one I’ve had on in my dreams of the wedding. I feel that if I try it on I’ll not look further. Other dresses I’ve looked at are on that site too. I love the pick up skirts, the fully beaded bodices. It’s likely that I love just about every dress in their plus size collection. Challenge is that this dress is only at one store and that store is located in Ohio… 10 hours away. Now, of course I can buy it online and have it altered here, but I want desperately to have that THIS IS THE DRESS moment in the store, ya know? I’m going dress shopping with mom in June but I doubt I’ll find something in my price range (under 500) that comes in my size.

Speaking of my size… I’ve not lost any weight and I’m getting that desperate feeling again. I’m thinking of doing a liquid diet for awhile. Probably Slim-Fast, although I think I”d enjoy doing Special K diet for 2 weeks. Who knows. I just need to see some movement and I’d be inspired and motivated. Master says, and I do agree, that the key is exercise and I’m not doing nearly enough. No kidding. *sigh*


Tiny Dresses

This excerpt is from my Diet Blog on SparkPeople.com. My username is lunaKM if you wish to friend me.

I’m so sorry I’ve been absent here for so long. I didn’t intend to curl up into myself but since my primary diagnosis on Tuesday I’ve been in denial. KM wonders too. My mood swings don’t seem very severe when I do have them so if I do have bipolar then it’s really mild. I go to the counselor on the 5th and the psychiatrist on the 17th. We’ll see how things go from there.

I’ve been really thinking of doing the slim fast diet for a few weeks. I’d like to feel the results and my moti…

Read the rest at my SparkPeople Blog

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I would if there wasn’t something like that already in existence. http://taking-it-off.com/ is run by starla and has a pretty good success rate the last time I was a part of the site.

I also, at one time, ran the Healthy and Kinky group on FetLife, but have since given ownership over to someone else.

I’m all for community, but with so many communities already in existence I’m certain that subs and slaves can find what they need from what already exists.

Ask me Anything!

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