trazure asked me: “How do you handle the conflict of needing and wanting pain when a Master wont give it because he’s fearful of his own reaction to the enjoyment of your hurt?”
trazure,
Just as submissives and bottoms have to come to terms with the idea of enjoying pain, Dominants and Tops have to realize that it’s okay to enjoy giving it. I’d recommend that the Dominant talk to a few more experienced Tops, perhaps join a group so that he can get some mentoring and advice to help with his own fears. You might also like to read ‘The Loving Dominant“. It talks about SM play and the thoughts from the Dominant perspective as well as the submissive side.
As far as you handling the conflict, there isn’t much you can do. You can ask if you can play with someone else at a party or invite a friend over to take care of your need. You can self inflict some pain to take the edge off. You can help him reach a place he’s comfortable and do a little bit of pain play at a time; a small spanking, just using nipple clamps, scratching, etc. Incorporate it into your lovemaking and he might respond a bit better to it.
Best of luck-
luna
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This is a question for March Question Month. If you have a personal question to ask me, please head on over the that post and ask!
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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I guess Luna has said most already.
In addition, once you have (cvarefully) started, share with him – in whatever ways – your pleasure with what it does to you. It is important that he realizes that he is not only only the receiving end of pleasure.
I understsnd how a Dom could feel unsure, but as a submissive I remember asking my Master if it upset him because I needed him to do these hurtful things to me.
We were in the middle of a session and I was crying from the subspace, and he answered me truthfully, NO, that he needed to be the one to give me this pain and pleasure, that it was his job to do that as my Master.
From that day forward my trust has grown. HE needs to inflict pain and I need to receive pain, one happy couple indeed!
Thanks for answering that question Luna, you are so wise.
smiles….Tom’s cunt diana