I don’t know if I’ve ever talked about children on this blog, or the reason why I don’t have any. It’s not a secret. I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. When I was 8 years old I gave my sister all of my baby dolls. When mom asked why I had done that I stated matter of factly, “I don’t want to be a mommy.” Now I don’t know how Mom took that. I don’t know if she thought it reflected on how she mothered me and it doesn’t matter. My opinion has never changed. Even when I married children were never a thought. I’ve always been clear with my boyfriends that children were never going to happen with me so they had better know for sure what they want.
It’s not that I don’t like kids. I love kids. I just do NOT want the responsibility of raising kids. I don’t want them around all the time. I may not know what I want all the time, but I do know that kids are definitely not a part of it.
I use the excuse a lot of times that other people ‘like the Duggars’ have already hit the quota for kids and I’m not going to add to world overpopulation. I say that I’m afraid that the abuse I suffered will be repeated and I’ll become an abuser (it’s a real fear I have). A kid crying grates on my nerves so bad and if they scream and raise havoc I want to go over and shake them sometimes. It’s bad.
I do not spend more than a few hours alone around kids. It’s for their safety and my sanity. I’m fine with other people around, for some reason it’s manageable.
I can’t write about what it’s like to have kids or be submissive while being a parent. Does this make me any less of a submissive or a person? No. I know where my limits are and I do not assume to know what it’s like to be a parent submissive. Anyone who has asked for my advice I clearly state that I am not a mother and don’t really know what to do for them. This doesn’t change my opinion that being a parent doesn’t make being a submissive any more difficult. It just makes it different. You do things differently. You think differently. You behave differently. How you handle being different CAN make it difficult, but again this is not the same thing.
If you have additional questions about my choice for no children in my life I’d be happy to answer them.
–luna
Both me and D don’t want kids either. Both of us love them, we’re good with them, but we don’t want any of our own. Why? ‘Cuz neither one of us is in a spot where we could give the child(ren) what they need and deserve in life.
The thing is that we both accept the reality that perhaps some day we may change our minds and want a child or two. As for now, we both enjoy giving children back at the end of the day too much to fool ourselves. No kids for us!
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I don’t know. Having been a parent in both vanilla and D/s relationships, I have to say there is an added difficulty trying to blend D/s and parenting that did not exist-FOR ME- in my vanilla relationships.
But it had nothing to do with slipping up with words in front of the kids, or having the kids walk in on us, or anything like that. Those are the easy things. Where I found (and still find) the added difficulty was in having other people (the kids) needing their place in the priority line.
And maybe that was just how I approached my submission, what my desires and hopes and wants for how I wanted to be able to submit affected parenting. I’m sure other people don’t experience that. Maybe for them there is no “competition” (even if it was only in my own mind) for who gets my time and attention.
In most every other thing you said, I agree with you. People do seem to want to make D/s relationships more complicated when in reality, you’re still just two people making a relationship work. I think sometimes that’s a subconcious attempt to convince themselves that THIS relationship is so much different than what the rest of their lives might have been.
Where I find an added degree of difficulty isn’t going to where everyone else finds one. What you may find difficult, I might find easy. What Sub Suzy finds hard, you might find a piece of cake. I just think people (and I mean myself, too, because I tend to do it) need to be careful not to belittle what someone does find difficult just because it’s not our particular struggle. (Not saying you were doing so, it’s just an observation).
(Apparently, I pwn the parenthesis today.)
(NO. You can’t have any.)
ps. So- my comment should have been on the other entry. Sorry.
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heh, I figured that out and no worries. The point still came across okay.
And for some reason I’m glad you agreed/disagreed the way you did. It puts it in another perspective.
I’ve seen that if you don’t have kids and are in a marriage is the question of when or the sad look that something is wrong with you.
It seems that a large part of society expects that everyone grows up, gets married and then has kids. If not there’s this Oh I’m so sorry that you didn’t because something is wrong with you.
My 14yo daughter does NOT want kids. She tolerates small children and is helpful but she does NOT want kids. She also has no interest in boys, girls and romance in general. It’s frustrating to her that all the girls her age are all boy crazy. She feels a freak among her friends (like every other 14yo).
For me I realized I am a FANTASTIC father of kids 7yo and up. Under that I’m a bit iffy. I just can’t take the crying and disruption of my patterns. Had I understood the frustration I would face because of my internal struggles, my relationship with my wife would have gone through less stress and some mistakes with my kids would have been avoided. But lesson learned.
I think that people who say they don’t want to have kids and never really have had an interest are fine and live happy fulfilled lives. My daughter says she will be happy at being an aunt, she will be able to SEND THEM HOME.
I am the opposite of you – I always wanted to have kids. In fact, when I was a child, and I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I used to say that all I wanted to be was a Mummy.
For years, I said I wanted 6 children – no idea why, 6 just seemed like the right number to me. But after my 4th was born, both Palus and I decided that 4 was enough… we were done.
I am lucky enough to be blessed with 4 beautiful, clever, lovely daughters.
As far as balancing out being a submissive/slave with being a mother goes,.. well it seems to have come pretty naturally to me. We haven’t encountered too many problems beyond kids knocking on the door while we are having sex (which lets face it happens to the most vanilla of couples).
The kids know that there is a strict pecking order in our house – Daddy is in charge, then Mummy, the kids come below that. And it works for us.
Really the hardest thing for us is trying to schedule time alone for Palus and I just to spend time with each other. But again, I am sure that this is a problem that even a vanilla couple with 4 children will find tbh. The girls are getting older, they are going to bed later and later, and it is getting harder and harder for us just to be by ourselves. The eldest doesn’t go to bed until around 10pm now.
The solution for us was to renovate the basement, put in a bedroom with a TV and sitting area and a bathroom down there for us, and we have moved down there. That leaves the top floor of the house for the kids. They know were we are if they need us in the night, but are far enough away that they don’t hear anything, and have been told that the basement is strictly out of bounds unless there is a problem that needs our urgent attention.