I feel ugly. I’ve felt unhappy with myself for several months. It’s been about that long since I got my eyebrows waxed. Something about that always makes me feel pretty. I have crappy makeup supplies and even worse talent in applying it.
I want to feel pretty again. Part of Master’s rules has always been to wear makeup, take care of my hair and remain hairless below my neck. I’ve really gone downhill in all of those things. It has to start somewhere but I think learning to apply makeup the way I want to look would be wonderful.
Tonight I’ve spent some time watching videos about makeup application and looking at cosmetics websites and dreaming up what I’d like to have. I have a few new pieces of makeup today and I’m going to practice my application skills so that I can hopefully perfect what I want to ultimately look like.
My experience with makeup application is my mother’s baby blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick. My best friend and I used to put on make up when we spent the night. She did really good but I can’t remember all the tricks we learned as children. I’m starting over from scratch. I want to learn how to do really neat eyeshadow techniques, wear eyeliner correctly and feel feminine again.
I have this huge pull to be feminine. I can’t explain it really. I want to wear dresses and skirts, although winters in Iowa is hardly the place for that. I want sexy clothing and I want to be someone that others look at and lust after. Sure I’m fat, but that is just one obstacle. Feeling beautiful will lead to being beautiful.
We’ll see what Master says about getting more makeup supplies.
I’d love your makeup tips if you have any.