Yesterday I forgot to blog. It was a busy day and I was beat tired by 4pm, but I shoveled through it until 10pm. That’s when Master suggested bed and I was all for it.
I’m still not quite awake now, even though it’s almost 10am. Apparently my emotional and mental stresses are affecting my sleep patterns recently. I’m tempted to use a sleeping aid tonight if I feel just as tired in the afternoon that I did yesterday.
All in all, what I did get done yesterday was all domestic. I’m hoping that I will be sexually available for Master today; he’s been very patient with my fatigue but I doubt that will last. Since I don’t have a lot of chores to do today and plan to start them as soon as I’m done here I think I should be able to concentrate my energy on Master directly.
Tomorrow my family comes to visit for Christmas. I’m expecting a hectic time. My sister is 8 months pregnant, my nephew is an angel but Mom and sister put him on a short leash and that annoys me. I’ve not seen or talked to my brother in years. It’s just going to be an odd day. Master wants to be excluded but unfortunately for him he can’t say he has to work. Poor guy, I feel for him.
I’ve been writing in my physical journal a bit lately. This is a book that even Master won’t read. I feel that I can let it all out there and it seems to do some good. You’d think that my blog offers me some of the same feelings, but really it’s more a voice to Master than it is a voice to myself. You can’t say things the same way to the one who owns you than you can to yourself. It just doesn’t work. He gave me the journal over a year ago now, but there are only a handful of entries. I tend to use it when I’m really struggling as a way to keep comments and advice I don’t need from bugging me.
Speaking of bugging me I think I’m going to cut down on the amount of posts here about my weight loss struggles. There is only so much I can handle hearing about the best weight loss tricks. I’ve been fat since I was 12. Believe me, there is nothing you can suggest that I’ve not heard about. I’m firmly against gastric surgery (so against it I’d rather die fat than live off of pills all day because I can’t give my body what it needs.), I’m not going to spend money to do a program anywhere. I KNOW what I should be doing. It’s not an issue with not knowing. Just like my submission, I’m at the ‘just do it’ phase.
That’s it, that’s all I got.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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Sorry to hear you’ve been so tired. Any idea what’s causing it? Just the tons of the chores?
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I’m certain it’s a mix of stress, depression and the holidays.
I am so sorry to have offended you. I too have been overweight since about 9yrs old and know what to do just need to do it. I suggested WW as a support network not realizing it would be an offensive suggestion.
I take medication for Lupus that caused a 25lb weight gain and yet I would rather weigh 314 than be in debilitating pain. I too would never consider gastric bypass. I suppose I don’t understand everything you are going through but I do understand loss, grief and depression. I will continue to pray for you and refrain from suggestions.
Kathryn,
It wasn’t you specifically. Please don’t think that you offended me. You didn’t. It’s just that every time I mention my weight loss struggles I get suggestions as if I don’t know what I should be doing. I’m certain you probably get them too. After a certain number it just feels like enough is enough, right?
Good luck with your family tomorrow! I hope it goes well. I personally enjoy your posts about your weight loss and struggles with your weight; they are honest, real, and touching. But I have often found myself rolling my eyes at comments as I read them. I can understand why you would just want to leave it out altogether. You could always disable comments. But, that is just what I would do. The great part of this is that it is YOUR blog, and you can do whatever you want
Maybe you need some other sorts of mental stimulation. Have you considered getting a part time job or maybe doing some volunteer work? It will get you out of the house and give you something else to focus on besides your submission and the state of it.