Yesterday afternoon Master took control and dragged me into the bedroom by my hair. He was very aggressive and didn’t take no for an answer. I was perplexed because all day we’d been having issues discussing the sex mood we have been experiencing. He had a dark look in his face as he forced his way on me. I was startled but once he started fucking me I was in it and enjoying it. He pulled my breasts, tugged my hair and scratched down my back. It was painful and exciting. It was everything I had been longing for.
He stopped to play with my pussy, he was rough and hard, forcing 2, 3 then four fingers in. Pushing hard, so hard it stretched and ached. He tried to fuck me with his hand in there. It was painful and he moved on to fucking me again. His voice seemed filled with emotion and something darker.
He hovered over me and said, He was holding the monster back and that if he let it go he wasn’t sure he’d be able to control it. I wanted to see where he would take me. I knew I’d be afraid. I knew I would probably cry. I told him to let go.
It started. He pulled my hair really hard and wrenched my head back, he was fucking me so hard that I was bouncing on the bed. He turned my head and pressed it into the pillow, cutting off my oxygen. My suffocation phobia kicked in and I did start to cry; but I trust Master so I wasn’t afraid. He turned my head and started slapping me. It was shocking and with more force than I have had in awhile. He grabbed my throat, his voice still very thick with a darkness.
He called me a whore. I called him an asshole. I actually enjoyed egging him on. The pain I was enduring was really turning me on. Master continued to slap me, he was still really bruising me with his cock.
And then it stopped.
He reared up and said, this was wrong. His monster wanted to take over and he was afraid of it.
Later, he explained to me that he had hit a wall where he wanted to really hurt me and not care what I thought or how I felt. He didn’t want to cross that line and it scared him. He’s told me about a monster inside him that he’s not sure how to handle. I’m sure that if we work together we can face this. I’m thankful he stopped, but I’m really hoping we get to do some sex like that again. It was scary. It was hot and it was fun. Until it ended.
Now, my whole blog is usually about my struggles with submission and life in general but here Master really was having an issue with his own sadism and emotions. I do hope that we can work through it. I wanted to share this because it is a perfect example of what a Dominant could go through during a scene and how it can go bad for them. It was enough to scare him.
I want to taste it again, hopefully we can keep the monster at bay… for now.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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Wow, Luna…aside from the hotness factor, which is a solid 10.0 in my humble opinion….aside from it…how hard for Him. And how strong is he to face that monster down, knock it in the head and say he needed to draw a finish line for you both…to keep you both safe? I hope you can keep walking up that dark road and face it down together…and future hotness can be hard…but sane.
hugs,
nilla
I’ve been there a few times with my sub. It was more early on when he wasn’t acting like a true sub but still expecting me to act like a Dominant. It made me angry because I felt like I was being used and I wanted to hurt him back for hurting me. Luckily, there was no problem with going overboard because I was still very terrified about hurting him back then. Now I know my limits and I simply won’t do anything sexual if I am angry with him. Haven’t had a problem with it since.
I know about the monster. I’ve let mine out a few times. Fortunately, I’ve always been able to keep back from that wall your Master hit, although it has been close a couple of times.
I do hope you and he will be able to work through it together to allow it partially out – on a leash so to speak. ^_^
And thanks for posting this. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that feels this way.
Dragon Mage´s last blog ..The workout (fiction)
my Daddy struggles with this, also ~ and, like you, i try very hard to be supportive and encouraging, but ultimately He decides how much or little to release.
i’ve always been very surprised to find that i react well to His pushing harder, too. Probably the most shocking for me was when he once had me tied up, and put a pillow over my head and i could barely breathe. my mind was reeling and terrified for about 2 seconds ~ then suddenly, this incredible calm! And then, even more surprising, throbbing arousal between my thighs. i still don’t have a logical understanding of why i am wired to respond this way, but it is what it is.
i am pretty sure Daddy is more worried about hurting me in a serious long-term way than i am worried about it… even tho i am scared of Him sometimes.
So yeah, we go through these growing pains, too. Kinda exciting, huh!?
I truly believe we all have some sort of “monster” or “demon” within us..it is that primal thing that drives us to those places that are dark and treacherous. Many fear their monsters. Many have cause to fear them. But those same “monsters” are the catalyst at times for the incredible experiences we have and share, some good, some not so good…and yet they are some of our most memorable lessons learned. The “monster” should not be totally feared…but respected and controlled. Just my 3 cents worth as someone that is a lot older and with many more years of experience. But each person is unique and each situation is as well. Here’s hoping the “monster” in your relationship is contained enough to not cause permanent damage, but is loosened enough to teach you both the lessons that you may need to learn from it. Best wishes always. Poppet.
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luna~
my Master has struggled with this also, i found it amazing due to similarities in actions and closeness in age. Wwe are hoping to learn more and understand His issues with the inner Demon that He has within Him. i realize the both of Yyou may not be at the same point in dealing with that inner demon as Wwe are, but Wwe have both learned to nurture that within Him and Wwe have both come to realize some of the most daring and precious moments are During and After the Demon has shown through. i remember the first time HE came through, it was after Master’s mother died, and it was both scary and sensual to see HIM show up. Now HE is around MUCH MUCH more and it is THAT part of Master that Wwe both have learned to enjoy and treasure so much more, it has strengthened and deepened Oour relationship that much more.
Good luck and well wishes,
nyte rose