Master has begun doing more in the way of exherting his control over me. More than he has done in the past. Or rather, he’s more verbal about it than he was. It’s almost alarming how I respond sometimes, but it’s not unexpected. Learning new behaviors has that effect too. It’s jarring.
My carpal tunnel is relatively bad all the time now. Master gets quite upset when I complain about it and then continue to do something that doesn’t rest it. I’ve learned that it’s a pain I have to live with, in my mind, why should I have to stop what enjoy doing and surrender to the pain? I want to fight it and try to ignore it. He wants me to rest the hands when they hurt. I’d be resting them all the time; incapable of doing anything really. That’s not me. I want to fight through the pain, process the pain and move past it. Make it less annoying, less noticable and be able to keep living. I’m taking meds almost everyday to help keep the inflamation down but that doesn’t stop most of the pain I feel. He’s kind and doesn’t force me to do things that are known to aggravate it (handjobs). I just wish I had a choice with the other things in life.
I finished the book, SlaveCraft last night. It was really good. I hope to let it sit on my mind for awhile and pick up personal tidbits from it. I thought it was excellent reading and want the review I write on it for SubmissiveGuide to be well thought out. So much of it touched part of me in ways that woke up thoughts and dreams of surrender deeper than I have now. Who knew?
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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may i make a suggestion?
regarding the pain, come up with a 5 or 10 point scale, or something, so that your Master can ask you how bad the pain is, and you can give him an idea of how you’re feeling. like 1 could be your ordinary, every day pain that you have to push through, what you describe above, and 5 could be OMG-i-need-painkillers-NOW. you get the idea. That way he can help you manage it, which it sounds like he wants to do, and you’re able to get through the stuff you want to do while still resting up while its bad. Win-Win!
xx
keth,
That was a great suggestion. I used it yesterday and Master appreciated the scale. Worked like a charm
glad it worked!!! YAY!
Do you find that reading or watching things that stir up the surrender emotions make it harder to accept ‘real life’? I’ve kind of learned to stay away from things like that because it makes me all depressed…
subtles recent blog post..Slave gruel
Well, my surrender is my real life. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘real life’. I really love reading and learning different opinions and viewpoints on the lifestyle and submission; it makes my personal surrender more unique when I can take some of those things into myself.
I’m also reading for book reviews on Submissive Guide so while some things I read I probably wouldn’t choose recreationally; I get something from them academically.