I’ve suffered a bout of headaches this week. Monday I had a massive migraine in the middle of the night that took hours to calm down to a level that I could sleep. The rest of this week has been a number of smaller headaches that I just can’t seem to make go away. Medication dulls them but they never actually leave. I’m not sure if it’s stress (most likely) or I have another issue causing the headaches.
I’m not doing so well with the punishment rules, namely the one about the computer. I’ve gotten scolded for using my personal twitter instead of my SubmissiveGuide one. I’ve checked my email when I shouldn’t have. It’s just frustrating as all heck. I’m hoping that Master’s anger calms soon and he lifts these punishments so that we can work on the underlying problem.
On that front, since Master controls the money and my access to it, I’ve not binged. It’s pretty hard to binge with no cash. Eating at home has been a challenge, but I find myself asking for food more than I used to, so perhaps I’m subconciously having him watch what I eat. I’ll weigh on Monday and see if my weight has reflected a full week without binging. Last time I weighed I was at 354.
I’m sure that I’m not being as submissive as I could be right now, but that doesn’t seem to be a focus at this point. Master tends to worry about me with the smallest things and I have to wonder if what has happened to me and my new issue has caused our dynamic to change. I miss being submissive and feeling good about it, but I think I understand his stand too. I’m not really myself right now and he misses me he says.
I miss me too. I want to go back to the way I was, and soon.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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Luna, If nothing else I am sure you will grow from this experience. Dynamics change everyday, I just think we don’t recognize them unless it affects someone else. Good luck to you and on your journey in losing the weight….it is tough, but you know you can do it, slow and steady….wins the race! Before you know it you will be back to your normal “thinner” self…..with new options of progression.
smiles, Tom’s cunt……..diana
I’m curious as to how the BDSM dynamic will translate into dealing with your eating disorder. To have someone there like your Master, who will not let you fail,will truly be… well, interesting.
I’ve always heard that true change can’t come with these sorts of disorders from anywhere but from within. Still, I don’t think they understand how a true D/s relationship works.
On a related note, Master has a friend who is very heavy, almost your size, and she lost weight simply by getting on Ritalin. She claims it took away her obsessive need to eat and snack. She continued to eat pretty much whatever she wanted at mealtime, but even there her portions were smaller. She lost over 100 pounds over the course of a year. And she’s 47!
Great post…I saw and oriental lady at SeaWorld last month and she got me thinking about how in the world i could be fat if i’m really trying to be a submissive wife. I could tell she was very submissive and when he said NO to the popcorn she made a face for a second but that was it and she never asked again or looked at the yummy buttery popcorn the children were eating. I need to read and see if most oriental women are submissive,..i’m starting to think they are.
Sir does not control my food but He does make me workout (finally).
some days i feel like i can control my urges to eat things i know i’m not suppose to eat and some days i just don’t have the willpower.
Since i’ve been diagnosed with Celiac disease i’ve really been trying to watch what i eat.
and some times i get on the computer more then i really should because i’m trying not to eat……….i bet you do the same thing.
Ok i’m rambling hon….sorry
Big Hugs
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