Today was a pretty darned good day! I got a lot of cleaning done in the morning, spent a lazy afternoon reading a book and then Master and I went to Wally-world to get hair color for me! I’m now a burgundy brunette. It’s gorgeous sexy on me. Master loves it, I love it. Right now I feel like a new woman. I usually go light red, but this just called to me. I’m glad Master approved. He even said I could get it again next time!
We also got a Trivial Pursuit game that was on clearance for $10. We’ve been hestant to buy one because they tend to be USA focused and Master doesn’t know US history, culture or entertainment stuffies. We sat down as soon as we got home and started playing it. It was such a blast! I was darn lucky and got a few easy questions on pie so I won the game, but Master was awesome fun to play with. We’ll definitely have to get more games.
We made sub sandwiches for dinner which were awesome yummy. I’m trying my hand at chicken burgers tomorrow for myself; anyone have a good chicken burger recipe? Master isn’t chancing it and is having brat burgers. I’m going to make my broccolini too I think. Make it a grand food adventure of a day.
I gave Master a blow job tonight after I did my hair and had fun at it! I even relaxed enough for him to fuck my face a bit, deep throat a bit and generally have a great time pleasing him. I hope I can do more of the same as I get more comfortable in my role.
Something that came up while we were at Wal-mart was that I wanted to dress more kinky and do more kinky things as a part of my day. It didn’t hit Master the right way since he’s asked me to wear lingerie and I’ve not done it every single day, and not at all last week. I guess I really just don’t consider lingerie as kinky. I want to wear the at home collar, cuffs, maybe some rope. Be made to wear my butt plug during the day, or the ben wa balls. I dream of him asking me to masturbate for him or play with toys for him, perhaps a quick OTK style spanking just to spice up the day.
I long to live deep in kink as well as service. I’m sure he understands and being that I’m still recovering from my insomnia and memory issues I know it’s frustrating to think about adding more to my day. If I don’t express things though, how else will he know I want to do things like that?
Tomorrow is a BDSM presentation at the university. If everyone attends there will be 6 people there. Pretty nice group too, a wide variety from bedroom only types, to 24/7 and every role is represented too! Master will be sitting in the audience again. I wish he would sit with me, even if he doesn’t want to talk. I’d love to be able to just know he’s there next to me. He tends to chime into the conversation sometimes anyway. Oh well. We all are going to Village Inn afterward also. Sort of a minch. Should be great to talk to everyone over a meal.
Later this week I am going down to see a friend of ours who is having some issues. I offered to Master to go to her and just be there for whatever I could, friendship wise, ya know? He said that was a great idea and when he asked her, she said yes. I could tell that she was happy. I’m not sure what I’ll be going there for a few days, but I certainly can come up with things that will help out or at least comfort her. It’s the least I could do.
I have an interesting series forming in my mind and in drafts over at Submissive Guide. I’m writing a group of posts on submissive positions. Not really the Gorean ones, although I link to sites that have them, but more of practicing and learning positions that you may or may not be requested to use or learn. So… in essence just a ‘get the feel for it’ type. If any of you do submissive positions as a regular part of your day or scene I’d love to talk to you. I don’t do positions myself and am going to be doing the practices right along with the readers of the Guide. Should be good fun.
I just colored my hair a lovely shade of burgundy red! I’ll share a picture of it on my Thursday HNT
Today Master and I spent the day doing our own thing. I worked on Submissive Guide a bit, putzed on the internet, watched movies and he went into the bedroom to read a book, play Eve-Online and generally both of us were lazy. It was great. I’m always amazed at these days when we can be around each other and yet do our own thing. I used to think I had to be alone for these times to really mean something.
Master and I are around each other 24/7. We don’t have things to do outside the home that we don’t normally do together. Many couples I know of have wondered how we tolerate each other. It’s just how we are. We are so happy together. We’ve spent maybe 4 nights apart since he’s been here. Those 4 nights have been hard on both of us. I think we are just meant to be together.
I really love my time at home with him. I feel a part of my life is fulfilled and I love seeing him whenever I want to. The Doctor told me I should reconsider my current state of employment (or lack thereof) because of my inability to get health insurance due to my obesity. I don’t like the idea of working just to get insurance. I’d have to work full time in a job I probably didn’t like. I’d see less of Master and my submission would go backwards.
I like the depth of my submission now. I like where it’s going and how it is maturing. I love experiencing it instead of just reading about it. I hope to continue exploring. Master says that he likes things the way it is and doesn’t want me to search for work right now. We have the money in our current standard of living to enjoy our time and relax. Our bills are being paid and our debt is being paid. It is possible I might take on a part time job at some point, just because.
I spent yesterday doing laundry and sitting in a coffee shop working on Submissive Guide. I felt great being out and my mind was clear and free to write. I hope to have more days like that. It was wonderful. But even though I was alone, I was talking to Master the whole time. I didn’t feel alone. That’s the beauty of it.
We are so in tune with each other that we can finish each other’s thoughts (or at least he can, I’m still working on it).
The insomnia has improved since I started the medicine. After a really hard day on Thursday of sleeping all day long and when up I felt tired. It just was rough. Now I’m getting sleep though, I’m waking up feeling better, I’m sleeping all night.
I’ve been forgetting to blog here, but not on purpose. So, what’s happened since Sunday?
I’m divorced. It was painless. I went in, paid the decree fee and the clerk ran it up to the judge right away. He brought it down within 10 mins and it was signed, filed and I got my copy. That was it. Afterward Master and I went out for brunch.
When we came home Master’s paycheck was in the mail so we went back out to put it in the bank. Master admitted he was in a shopping mood and I wasn ‘t going to stop him! We went looking for hard drives to upgrade our RAID. We didn’t find enough of the drive we wanted. Then I got a few new non-stick skillets, Master got a new book and a magazine. We had starbucks coffee and relaxed a bit. I then went to Hobby Lobby and got a few more beads to make mediation bead sets for my store.
Since we couldn’t find hard drives in town, we decided to drive to the next town an hour away to check a larger store. We called a friend of ours to meet for dinner. It was a great time and we found the hard drives we needed and had a wonderful time with our friend.
Wednesday I had a doctor’s appt to figure out my memory issues. He diagnosed insomnia (I’m not getting into deep sleep) so I have more meds, he upped my anti-depressant too. We’ll know in a week or so how it’s going. Yesterday I slept most of the day, which Master says was a good thing but I hated not getting anything done. Hopefully today will be better. I don’t feel as tired.
I knew there was a reason that I blogged about everything and anything that went on in my mind. So many of you saw that I have been under a lot of stress, have a lot of things going on in my life right now and I could very well be experiencing stress-related memory issues. Either way I’m going to make a Dr appt tomorrow. I need to know for sure.
Something else is going on tomorrow that I’ve been pretty silent about. I have my divorce hearing tomorrow. I really didn’t need a hearing but I didn’t know I could have just gone and filed the papers and have him sign them on his own time. I’ll be in and out pretty quickly I’m sure. My ex signed no context and no appearance orders. Part of me feels a need to morn. I was never upset when I left him. It was more a resignation to the end. I never cried and now I feel an overwhelming need to cry. I don’t feel like I could sleep if I tried, but I know that Master will make me try in a moment.
I talked with Dad tonight too. He’s putting on a good face but he is now not working so that he can take care of K. His doctors are watching him for depression and the obvious anxiety. I also know that his diabetes is going out of control due to the stress. I wish I could help him. I hate the suffering they are both going through. I told him I would be there after the end for him. I know he will need some attention and love.
I made a tiny little shop to start selling my kinky craft items. I’ve listed the slave bells and the ring of pain. Please feel free to buy them! http://shop.the-iron-gate.com/
Since my new position as Master’s houseslut I have had to learn that the idea of a clean home isn’t how it once was. It’s more. I’m not doing as good at keeping it at the higher level of clean that I’d like to maintain it, but that will come with time. I am happy to see everyday that the house is decent enough that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to have visitors. That in itself is progress. There are organization plans, but they are on hold till I can get the level of clean I want maintained.
This week I didn’t do well with my chores at all. I have lists, and chore schedules of sorts (what to do what days). Just didn’t do it. I’m hoping next week is better. It will get better.
After my last post talking about how I’m going to refocus my life I have changed a few things that already feel good. I stopped getting discussion announcements from groups I’m not a leader of on FetLife. My inbox thanks me.
I went through my RSS reader and trimmed it down from 256 feeds to 123. That’s pretty good and much more managable.
Today is Twitter. I’m going to remove people I’m following that either don’t post a lot, or ones that I don’t feel I’m getting anything from in the way of interesting conversation. It will be hard. I’m following 254 people. I hope to get it down to under 125.
Lately I’ve had something to really stress about. I’ve been really forgetful. Not just opps I forgot, like I’ve been doing with Master’s coffee. Like he’ll have a conversation with me and by the end I will have forgotten what he said in the beginning. It’s happening with more regularity and scaring me. I can start Master’s coffee brewing, sit down at the sofa and completely forget that I did it. He has to remind me and I don’t even really remember than that I’ve already started it. We were in the car going home the other day and he mentioned that I needed gas. Normally I wouldn’t forget that. We were within 20 yards of the gas station on the way home when he had to remind me to get gas. It startled me almost. I knew at that moment that I had forgotten. And it’s not the service things only either. I can sit here and not remember what I did yesterday or had for dinner. I couldn’t tell you what I watched on TV in the morning or what I wore. It’s just not saving in my short term memory. Master did some online research and it appears that my anti-depressant has side effects that involve memory issues. I’m going to make an appointment with my Dr to find out if that is it, if I can switch to something else.
I’m going to restart the South Beach diet that I was doing so well at. It’s going to be hard, but Master agrees that it was working for me. I have to re-read the book and purge my pantry again, but I know I can do it. I have to do it. I have a goal now. I just need to stay focused.
This week I’ve spent a lot of time crafting for my kinky craft store that I want to have. I’ve made slave bell bracelets this week. They are wonderful looking and soon I’ll have them on my little store with pictures so that you all can buy at least 1!
The next thing I’m making for the shop is Rings of Pain. If you’ve seen kaya’s blog then you know what I’m talking about. They are a ring with clothespins attached on rubber bands. Attached to sensitive bits, they pull and expose areas. I find them quite fun and humiliating. I’ve stepped kaya’s up to a welded ring wrapped in leather with cloth covered rubber bands and different styles of clothespins. Have you ever tool-dipped clothespins? They grip better in wet situations What the masochist in you? Would you like plastic clothespins? I’ve even tossed the idea around of clover clamps. We’ll have to see right?
If you have ideas for things I could make, let me know. My idea of a craft store is pervertibles. I’m taking basic home-made and found items and making them better. I’ll also have floggers and anything else I can make. Should be a fun time!
What do you think of this week’s HNT?