Confessions of Promiscuity
On Monday I got my nipples pierced. It was a surprise really. I had been thinking about it for a long time and Master had mentioned it almost 2 years ago. At the time I said, “maybe later.” Well later came on Monday when we walked into the shop just to find out how much it was, found out it was cheaper than I thought and so we did it. My innie nipplies now have outties!
Sunday night, Master wanted to try the Hitachi again. In previous attempts it was just too powerful and a sensory overload in some places and just not cutting it in others. I’m a dildo girl at heart, so vibrators have never given me such a draw as a dildo.
So when he plugged it in and the noise alone made me nervous, but he said I was going to use it till I found what felt good to get me off. We started out gentle at first. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find a place that it felt orgasmic good. We tried all over my body and up and down my mound. I found a wonderful spot that felt good enough to enjoy for awhile. My body was responding and that made me feel really horny.
After awhile he handed me the wand and asked me to try it out. I rubbed it all over, grinding it against good spots and letting it vibrate other areas. I found a really good place and let it ride. I gave the wand back to Master so that he could hold it while I rocked on the right spot.
It really was the right spot. I felt more and more turned on. I pressed hard against the wand, wondering what it would take to break it; I was being that rough. I never thought I’d enjoy the wand at all and here I was almost fucking it.
When the orgasm was building it felt like it was rolling in instead of like I was falling off a cliff (if that’s a good description). I asked to come and he gave it. I think the orgasm was one of the longest I have had in a while. Since it hadn’t had an orgasm in several days I’d have to say that the orgrasm wasn’t nearly as strong as I had expected it to be, but good nonetheless.
Monday we went at it again. This time I was brave enough to try the machine on high. I found that it was good for keeping me at the edge of orgasm, but to get there I had to be on low. Holy smokes it was good. It’s not my favorite way to come, but it’s now on the list!
1. Have you ever had angry sex?
2. Pity sex?
3. “Oh well, I might as well” sex?
4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn’t sex?
5. Don’t-remember-having-it sex?
6. Regret-it-afterward sex?
7. Can’t-remember-his/her-name sex?
8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?
Sometimes Master likes me to give him pain when we play, especially when I’m jacking him off or something. I’ve mentioned it here before but I can’t be bothered looking in the archives. At first I was startled by this request, but I guess there is a bit of a masochist in Master after all. I was hesitant at first because I really didn’t want to hurt Master. I’d never read up on CBT or anything and wasn’t sure what he would ask of me.
Needless to say I overthought it for awhile. Master stays in control, so what is his request other than service? As his submissive I serve him in whatever capacity I can and learning and doing this to him as a part of our pleasure shouldn’t be a problem. I was afraid that he would become a switch and that our dynamic would change. I was sure that I’d be miserable as a top; I had had enough of that in my previous marriage. I’m happy where I am in my role, and now that he asked for these things was enough to cause me pause.
Now that I can see the pleasure he gets out of the things he asks me to do to him I know that I’m still his submissive. I get a sense of happiness that I’m able to bring him a more intense pleasure and that I can still be his submissive while doing it. I never thought I would be finding my own pleasure in his pain. Or perhaps it’s the vulnerability he shows during this that I love. He’s not a solid rock of a man all the time, yet he remains my Master. He shows me all of him. That is powerful and I love him all the more because of that.
I’m afraid of doing more than offering him pain play for sexual pleasure. I’m terrified of not being able to get back into submissive space afterward. I’m scared that I will become bossy and get in trouble. What if he asks me to be in control? Can I do that? Can I take the reigns and control him for a time and then switch right back without damaging our dynamic as it is? Could I think less of him because of this? I don’t know. I try not to think about it. I don’t want to face what could be.
Are any of you asked to top your Dominant on occasion? What’s it like for you? Do you find it hard to do? What about falling more into a top role instead of just serving for pain play? How do you feel if your Dominant wants to fully switch for a time and you are in control? Is it hard to switch back? What is your mental conditioning like to be able to do that?
I’ve been having a fantasy lately in my dreams that I can’t shake. It’s sex with more than one man. Master is always there, he’s the only one I trust with my ass and he always gets that hole. I imagine double penetration and triple penetration. I don’t think it’s possible with someone my size but I can imagine it and often do.
Master fills my fantasy quite a lot, with the use of dildos. I was quite nervous but excited when we tried to clone him, alas we have to try again with more rubber as we didn’t have enough. I know we will be getting it done in the future. Master likes the idea of filling me up.
So back to the fantasy. There is always 3 men. I don’t really ever ‘see’ their dicks but I can feel them. I’m being used just for sex but getting lots of pleasure from it. They all find me very attractive and tell me so, which helps. Sometimes I’m tied down, sometimes I’m not. There are times I’m used outside with no threat to being caught, or in a hotel room. I’m always there before they are.
I feel like a porn star in my dreams and sometimes I am, but having way more fun at it. I like that. Master makes me feel so good that I forget that I’m as large as I am and usually uncomfortable with my size.
Have I had a fantasy with more than 3 guys? I’m sure I have, but 3 is about as many as I can handle in my dream and I have a hard time concentrating on them if they go rubbing my clit. Master gets frustrated by it. I tend to forget what I’m doing and focus on my clit. It’s gotten me slapped several times.
I don’t think I’ll ever be in an actual gang bang. I’m okay with that. Some things just need to be left to fantasy. It can definitely be acted out with Master any time he wants!
Master and I have had a lot of intense sex lately. The pain has been intoxicating and the sexual pleasure has been coma-inducing. Just fantastic. Last night I asked Master to make me an object and that I wanted a lot of pain and to lose complete control. I asked him to ignore the whines, cries, begging and pleading to stop and just focus on if I said my safeword. I wanted to be pushed. He agreed and I noticed he had an instant hard-on while he planned it in his head.
When he finally approached me I was scared, not of him, but of what I was going to endure for pleasure. The sex was out of this world good. I’m still feeling very sore and achy this morning. I’m also feeling needy. I’m sure I’m going through some sub drop but I know that Master takes care of me and he’ll be watching me today as I recover. We’ve been so very close and intimate since I returned from my visit to Sir Areli’s house. We could be starting down a new path. I welcome it.
The other night, Master was really going at it with my pussy and he looked at me and wrapped his hand around my throat, “Do you trust me?” Yes of course I trust him and said so. He then asked me to take a deep breath and proceeded to squeeze my throat just enough to keep me from breathing easily. I probably could have eeked out a little air if I wanted to, but it was so powerful. I wanted him to take control of me. We tried it several times, each time was very interesting. It was scary.
Last night he took my breath away during an orgasm and it was immense! I felt so very good. We’re going to have to do some reading of what we can and can’t do and see if this is something that we want in our play. I sure enjoyed it and I know that Master will care for me.
He is my love and Master, I am so committed to him now and forever. Every time I see his face I am amazed at how wonderful I feel under his gaze. Love like this only comes around once in a lifetime for me. I am his forever.
1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
Graduating college when even my family thought I’d give up.
2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?
Developing into the D/s relationship we know is in there, deep in protocol and ritual and lots of love, play and sex.
3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?
Well, I had to actually do that first and I get a homepage for a songwriter, lyricist and singer. Not me.
4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?
Bill Cosby when he came to our elementary school to do a comedy routine and talk about DARE. I was 9.
5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?
Master. He saves me over and over again.
6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation – Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?
Nope. At least I couldn’t say. So many of my 5 bad choices in bed partners were on first name only basis.
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If you hadn’t noticed I was gone for a while. I went down to help our friend Areli move her old art studio from upstairs to downstairs. Let me tell you, there was so much in there that after about 3 1/2 hours we were pooped and only half done! We had a wonderful visit and while not everything got accomplished, we did put a huge dent in it.
During this whole time, Master was at home, alone. Trust me, it was hard. If you read recently we rarely are apart. He texted me every few hours or so with sweet hugs, kisses and wanting to know what I was up to. It kept reminding me how alone he was and he really did miss me. I missed him too. Badly.
By the time I got home I was so horny. I had been wondering how to pounce on him, dreaming of the sex and passion that would overcome us. And it did. As soon as I got home I dropped my bags and pulled him up out of his chair and into the bedroom, undressing all the way. I wanted him and now!
We kissed feverishly, played lustfully and fucked hard and long. The first orgasm he gave me was a rolling one. It started and kept going and going. I begged him not to stop no matter what and I bucked and rocked and stretched. Then it started to crecendo and I had a sensation I have never had. A flood of liquid, I swear I squirted a little. It felt so good and as I reached the top of my climax (it really did last at least 30 seconds, honest), I howled. Oh yeah it was great.
OMG sex after orgasm is so very hot and wonderful. He was fierce. His nails along my back, love bites on my back, mmmm. The memories make me wet. We went at it twice right when I got home, get the pent up energy out.
Went out to dinner later and when we came home we watched some TV and I caught some porn… mmm I love porn. It got me going again and we went into the bedroom for more fun. The sex was hot, the pain was delicious. He was really into hurting me and I was his nasty whore/slut. I was cock hungry and he wanted to give it to me. I got a few more love bites, teeth marks on my breasts and they were achy from being squeezed like an orange.
Master could see I was in the pain slut mood and I was absorbing it all as pleasure. He pulled out the clover nipple clamps which usually really kill and put them on my pussy lips. OMG is was great. I even got brave and asked him to tug on them. I was feeling it all, it was intense, it was hot and it was good. He then applied the other set just above the orignals and tugged some more. YUM, I can’t believe I was enjoying it so much. When I maxed out he took them off.
And the sounds that came out of my mouth as I was feeling the edge of exstacy were so primal. The sex didn’t end. He took me again, I gave him an awesome blowjob or two and we collapsed spent. Spent and hungry.
Hopping in the car, smelling of sex and feeling the amorous feelings we have after sex, we drove to the grocery store. Snacking foods and a decision to get milkshakes on the way home.
What a fabulous homecoming! Master said that if this is the sex he gets when I’m away I should be away more often. *chuckle*
Today was a pretty darned good day! I got a lot of cleaning done in the morning, spent a lazy afternoon reading a book and then Master and I went to Wally-world to get hair color for me! I’m now a burgundy brunette. It’s gorgeous sexy on me. Master loves it, I love it. Right now I feel like a new woman. I usually go light red, but this just called to me. I’m glad Master approved. He even said I could get it again next time!
We also got a Trivial Pursuit game that was on clearance for $10. We’ve been hestant to buy one because they tend to be USA focused and Master doesn’t know US history, culture or entertainment stuffies. We sat down as soon as we got home and started playing it. It was such a blast! I was darn lucky and got a few easy questions on pie so I won the game, but Master was awesome fun to play with. We’ll definitely have to get more games.
We made sub sandwiches for dinner which were awesome yummy. I’m trying my hand at chicken burgers tomorrow for myself; anyone have a good chicken burger recipe? Master isn’t chancing it and is having brat burgers. I’m going to make my broccolini too I think. Make it a grand food adventure of a day.
I gave Master a blow job tonight after I did my hair and had fun at it! I even relaxed enough for him to fuck my face a bit, deep throat a bit and generally have a great time pleasing him. I hope I can do more of the same as I get more comfortable in my role.
Something that came up while we were at Wal-mart was that I wanted to dress more kinky and do more kinky things as a part of my day. It didn’t hit Master the right way since he’s asked me to wear lingerie and I’ve not done it every single day, and not at all last week. I guess I really just don’t consider lingerie as kinky. I want to wear the at home collar, cuffs, maybe some rope. Be made to wear my butt plug during the day, or the ben wa balls. I dream of him asking me to masturbate for him or play with toys for him, perhaps a quick OTK style spanking just to spice up the day.
I long to live deep in kink as well as service. I’m sure he understands and being that I’m still recovering from my insomnia and memory issues I know it’s frustrating to think about adding more to my day. If I don’t express things though, how else will he know I want to do things like that?
Tomorrow is a BDSM presentation at the university. If everyone attends there will be 6 people there. Pretty nice group too, a wide variety from bedroom only types, to 24/7 and every role is represented too! Master will be sitting in the audience again. I wish he would sit with me, even if he doesn’t want to talk. I’d love to be able to just know he’s there next to me. He tends to chime into the conversation sometimes anyway. Oh well. We all are going to Village Inn afterward also. Sort of a minch. Should be great to talk to everyone over a meal.
Later this week I am going down to see a friend of ours who is having some issues. I offered to Master to go to her and just be there for whatever I could, friendship wise, ya know? He said that was a great idea and when he asked her, she said yes. I could tell that she was happy. I’m not sure what I’ll be going there for a few days, but I certainly can come up with things that will help out or at least comfort her. It’s the least I could do.
I have an interesting series forming in my mind and in drafts over at Submissive Guide. I’m writing a group of posts on submissive positions. Not really the Gorean ones, although I link to sites that have them, but more of practicing and learning positions that you may or may not be requested to use or learn. So… in essence just a ‘get the feel for it’ type. If any of you do submissive positions as a regular part of your day or scene I’d love to talk to you. I don’t do positions myself and am going to be doing the practices right along with the readers of the Guide. Should be good fun.
I just colored my hair a lovely shade of burgundy red! I’ll share a picture of it on my Thursday HNT
Today Master and I spent the day doing our own thing. I worked on Submissive Guide a bit, putzed on the internet, watched movies and he went into the bedroom to read a book, play Eve-Online and generally both of us were lazy. It was great. I’m always amazed at these days when we can be around each other and yet do our own thing. I used to think I had to be alone for these times to really mean something.
Master and I are around each other 24/7. We don’t have things to do outside the home that we don’t normally do together. Many couples I know of have wondered how we tolerate each other. It’s just how we are. We are so happy together. We’ve spent maybe 4 nights apart since he’s been here. Those 4 nights have been hard on both of us. I think we are just meant to be together.
I really love my time at home with him. I feel a part of my life is fulfilled and I love seeing him whenever I want to. The Doctor told me I should reconsider my current state of employment (or lack thereof) because of my inability to get health insurance due to my obesity. I don’t like the idea of working just to get insurance. I’d have to work full time in a job I probably didn’t like. I’d see less of Master and my submission would go backwards.
I like the depth of my submission now. I like where it’s going and how it is maturing. I love experiencing it instead of just reading about it. I hope to continue exploring. Master says that he likes things the way it is and doesn’t want me to search for work right now. We have the money in our current standard of living to enjoy our time and relax. Our bills are being paid and our debt is being paid. It is possible I might take on a part time job at some point, just because.
I spent yesterday doing laundry and sitting in a coffee shop working on Submissive Guide. I felt great being out and my mind was clear and free to write. I hope to have more days like that. It was wonderful. But even though I was alone, I was talking to Master the whole time. I didn’t feel alone. That’s the beauty of it.
We are so in tune with each other that we can finish each other’s thoughts (or at least he can, I’m still working on it).
The insomnia has improved since I started the medicine. After a really hard day on Thursday of sleeping all day long and when up I felt tired. It just was rough. Now I’m getting sleep though, I’m waking up feeling better, I’m sleeping all night.
I’ve been forgetting to blog here, but not on purpose. So, what’s happened since Sunday?
I’m divorced. It was painless. I went in, paid the decree fee and the clerk ran it up to the judge right away. He brought it down within 10 mins and it was signed, filed and I got my copy. That was it. Afterward Master and I went out for brunch.
When we came home Master’s paycheck was in the mail so we went back out to put it in the bank. Master admitted he was in a shopping mood and I wasn ‘t going to stop him! We went looking for hard drives to upgrade our RAID. We didn’t find enough of the drive we wanted. Then I got a few new non-stick skillets, Master got a new book and a magazine. We had starbucks coffee and relaxed a bit. I then went to Hobby Lobby and got a few more beads to make mediation bead sets for my store.
Since we couldn’t find hard drives in town, we decided to drive to the next town an hour away to check a larger store. We called a friend of ours to meet for dinner. It was a great time and we found the hard drives we needed and had a wonderful time with our friend.
Wednesday I had a doctor’s appt to figure out my memory issues. He diagnosed insomnia (I’m not getting into deep sleep) so I have more meds, he upped my anti-depressant too. We’ll know in a week or so how it’s going. Yesterday I slept most of the day, which Master says was a good thing but I hated not getting anything done. Hopefully today will be better. I don’t feel as tired.
I knew there was a reason that I blogged about everything and anything that went on in my mind. So many of you saw that I have been under a lot of stress, have a lot of things going on in my life right now and I could very well be experiencing stress-related memory issues. Either way I’m going to make a Dr appt tomorrow. I need to know for sure.
Something else is going on tomorrow that I’ve been pretty silent about. I have my divorce hearing tomorrow. I really didn’t need a hearing but I didn’t know I could have just gone and filed the papers and have him sign them on his own time. I’ll be in and out pretty quickly I’m sure. My ex signed no context and no appearance orders. Part of me feels a need to morn. I was never upset when I left him. It was more a resignation to the end. I never cried and now I feel an overwhelming need to cry. I don’t feel like I could sleep if I tried, but I know that Master will make me try in a moment.
I talked with Dad tonight too. He’s putting on a good face but he is now not working so that he can take care of K. His doctors are watching him for depression and the obvious anxiety. I also know that his diabetes is going out of control due to the stress. I wish I could help him. I hate the suffering they are both going through. I told him I would be there after the end for him. I know he will need some attention and love.
I made a tiny little shop to start selling my kinky craft items. I’ve listed the slave bells and the ring of pain. Please feel free to buy them! http://shop.the-iron-gate.com/
Since my new position as Master’s houseslut I have had to learn that the idea of a clean home isn’t how it once was. It’s more. I’m not doing as good at keeping it at the higher level of clean that I’d like to maintain it, but that will come with time. I am happy to see everyday that the house is decent enough that I wouldn’t be embarrassed to have visitors. That in itself is progress. There are organization plans, but they are on hold till I can get the level of clean I want maintained.
This week I didn’t do well with my chores at all. I have lists, and chore schedules of sorts (what to do what days). Just didn’t do it. I’m hoping next week is better. It will get better.
After my last post talking about how I’m going to refocus my life I have changed a few things that already feel good. I stopped getting discussion announcements from groups I’m not a leader of on FetLife. My inbox thanks me.
I went through my RSS reader and trimmed it down from 256 feeds to 123. That’s pretty good and much more managable.
Today is Twitter. I’m going to remove people I’m following that either don’t post a lot, or ones that I don’t feel I’m getting anything from in the way of interesting conversation. It will be hard. I’m following 254 people. I hope to get it down to under 125.
Lately I’ve had something to really stress about. I’ve been really forgetful. Not just opps I forgot, like I’ve been doing with Master’s coffee. Like he’ll have a conversation with me and by the end I will have forgotten what he said in the beginning. It’s happening with more regularity and scaring me. I can start Master’s coffee brewing, sit down at the sofa and completely forget that I did it. He has to remind me and I don’t even really remember than that I’ve already started it. We were in the car going home the other day and he mentioned that I needed gas. Normally I wouldn’t forget that. We were within 20 yards of the gas station on the way home when he had to remind me to get gas. It startled me almost. I knew at that moment that I had forgotten. And it’s not the service things only either. I can sit here and not remember what I did yesterday or had for dinner. I couldn’t tell you what I watched on TV in the morning or what I wore. It’s just not saving in my short term memory. Master did some online research and it appears that my anti-depressant has side effects that involve memory issues. I’m going to make an appointment with my Dr to find out if that is it, if I can switch to something else.
I’m going to restart the South Beach diet that I was doing so well at. It’s going to be hard, but Master agrees that it was working for me. I have to re-read the book and purge my pantry again, but I know I can do it. I have to do it. I have a goal now. I just need to stay focused.
This week I’ve spent a lot of time crafting for my kinky craft store that I want to have. I’ve made slave bell bracelets this week. They are wonderful looking and soon I’ll have them on my little store with pictures so that you all can buy at least 1!
The next thing I’m making for the shop is Rings of Pain. If you’ve seen kaya’s blog then you know what I’m talking about. They are a ring with clothespins attached on rubber bands. Attached to sensitive bits, they pull and expose areas. I find them quite fun and humiliating. I’ve stepped kaya’s up to a welded ring wrapped in leather with cloth covered rubber bands and different styles of clothespins. Have you ever tool-dipped clothespins? They grip better in wet situations What the masochist in you? Would you like plastic clothespins? I’ve even tossed the idea around of clover clamps. We’ll have to see right?
If you have ideas for things I could make, let me know. My idea of a craft store is pervertibles. I’m taking basic home-made and found items and making them better. I’ll also have floggers and anything else I can make. Should be a fun time!
What do you think of this week’s HNT?