April 2009

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Confessions of Promiscuity

Learning complaisance

Seeker of Wisdom

Diary of jane

Proud Submissive

slave isabelle’s journey

HNT 4-30-09

On Monday I got my nipples pierced. It was a surprise really. I had been thinking about it for a long time and Master had mentioned it almost 2 years ago. At the time I said, “maybe later.” Well later came on Monday when we walked into the shop just to find out how much it was, found out it was cheaper than I thought and so we did it. My innie nipplies now have outties!


Hitachi Power

Sunday night, Master wanted to try the Hitachi again. In previous attempts it was just too powerful and a sensory overload in some places and just not cutting it in others. I’m a dildo girl at heart, so vibrators have never given me such a draw as a dildo.

So when he plugged it in and the noise alone made me nervous, but he said I was going to use it till I found what felt good to get me off. We started out gentle at first. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find a place that it felt orgasmic good. We tried all over my body and up and down my mound. I found a wonderful spot that felt good enough to enjoy for awhile. My body was responding and that made me feel really horny.

After awhile he handed me the wand and asked me to try it out. I rubbed it all over, grinding it against good spots and letting it vibrate other areas. I found a really good place and let it ride. I gave the wand back to Master so that he could hold it while I rocked on the right spot.

It really was the right spot. I felt more and more turned on. I pressed hard against the wand, wondering what it would take to break it; I was being that rough. I never thought I’d enjoy the wand at all and here I was almost fucking it.

When the orgasm was building it felt like it was rolling in instead of like I was falling off a cliff (if that’s a good description). I asked to come and he gave it. I think the orgasm was one of the longest I have had in a while. Since it hadn’t had an orgasm in several days I’d have to say that the orgrasm wasn’t nearly as strong as I had expected it to be, but good nonetheless.

Monday we went at it again. This time I was brave enough to try the machine on high. I found that it was good for keeping me at the edge of orgasm, but to get there I had to be on low. Holy smokes it was good. It’s not my favorite way to come, but it’s now on the list!


TMI Tuesday #184

1. Have you ever had angry sex?


2. Pity sex?


3. “Oh well, I might as well” sex?


4. One-of-you-knew-it-was-goodbye-and-the-other-didn’t sex?


5. Don’t-remember-having-it sex?


6. Regret-it-afterward sex?


7. Can’t-remember-his/her-name sex?


8. Never-knew-his/her-name sex?


Sometimes Master likes me to give him pain when we play, especially when I’m jacking him off or something. I’ve mentioned it here before but I can’t be bothered looking in the archives. At first I was startled by this request, but I guess there is a bit of a masochist in Master after all. I was hesitant at first because I really didn’t want to hurt Master. I’d never read up on CBT or anything and wasn’t sure what he would ask of me.

Needless to say I overthought it for awhile. Master stays in control, so what is his request other than service? As his submissive I serve him in whatever capacity I can and learning and doing this to him as a part of our pleasure shouldn’t be a problem. I was afraid that he would become a switch and that our dynamic would change. I was sure that I’d be miserable as a top; I had had enough of that in my previous marriage. I’m happy where I am in my role, and now that he asked for these things was enough to cause me pause.

Now that I can see the pleasure he gets out of the things he asks me to do to him I know that I’m still his submissive. I get a sense of happiness that I’m able to bring him a more intense pleasure and that I can still be his submissive while doing it. I never thought I would be finding my own pleasure in his pain. Or perhaps it’s the vulnerability he shows during this that I love. He’s not a solid rock of a man all the time, yet he remains my Master. He shows me all of him. That is powerful and I love him all the more because of that.

I’m afraid of doing more than offering him pain play for sexual pleasure. I’m terrified of not being able to get back into submissive space afterward. I’m scared that I will become bossy and get in trouble. What if he asks me to be in control? Can I do that? Can I take the reigns and control him for a time and then switch right back without damaging our dynamic as it is? Could I think less of him because of this? I don’t know. I try not to think about it. I don’t want to face what could be.

Are any of you asked to top your Dominant on occasion? What’s it like for you? Do you find it hard to do? What about falling more into a top role instead of just serving for pain play? How do you feel if your Dominant wants to fully switch for a time and you are in control? Is it hard to switch back? What is your mental conditioning like to be able to do that?


Gang Bang Fantasy

I’ve been having a fantasy lately in my dreams that I can’t shake. It’s sex with more than one man. Master is always there, he’s the only one I trust with my ass :P and he always gets that hole. I imagine double penetration and triple penetration. I don’t think it’s possible with someone my size but I can imagine it and often do.

Master fills my fantasy quite a lot, with the use of dildos. I was quite nervous but excited when we tried to clone him, alas we have to try again with more rubber as we didn’t have enough. I know we will be getting it done in the future. Master likes the idea of filling me up.

So back to the fantasy. There is always 3 men. I don’t really ever ‘see’ their dicks but I can feel them. I’m being used just for sex but getting lots of pleasure from it. They all find me very attractive and tell me so, which helps. Sometimes I’m tied down, sometimes I’m not. There are times I’m used outside with no threat to being caught, or in a hotel room. I’m always there before they are.

I feel like a porn star in my dreams and sometimes I am, but having way more fun at it. I like that. Master makes me feel so good that I forget that I’m as large as I am and usually uncomfortable with my size.

Have I had a fantasy with more than 3 guys? I’m sure I have, but 3 is about as many as I can handle in my dream and I have a hard time concentrating on them if they go rubbing my clit. Master gets frustrated by it. I tend to forget what I’m doing and focus on my clit. It’s gotten me slapped several times.

I don’t think I’ll ever be in an actual gang bang. I’m okay with that. Some things just need to be left to fantasy. It can definitely be acted out with Master any time he wants!


Do You Trust Me?

Master and I have had a lot of intense sex lately. The pain has been intoxicating and the sexual pleasure has been coma-inducing. Just fantastic. Last night I asked Master to make me an object and that I wanted a lot of pain and to lose complete control. I asked him to ignore the whines, cries, begging and pleading to stop and just focus on if I said my safeword. I wanted to be pushed. He agreed and I noticed he had an instant hard-on while he planned it in his head.

When he finally approached me I was scared, not of him, but of what I was going to endure for pleasure. The sex was out of this world good. I’m still feeling very sore and achy this morning. I’m also feeling needy. I’m sure I’m going through some sub drop but I know that Master takes care of me and he’ll be watching me today as I recover. We’ve been so very close and intimate since I returned from my visit to Sir Areli’s house. We could be starting down a new path. I welcome it.

The other night, Master was really going at it with my pussy and he looked at me and wrapped his hand around my throat, “Do you trust me?” Yes of course I trust him and said so. He then asked me to take a deep breath and proceeded to squeeze my throat just enough to keep me from breathing easily. I probably could have eeked out a little air if I wanted to, but it was so powerful. I wanted him to take control of me. We tried it several times, each time was very interesting. It was scary.

Last night he took my breath away during an orgasm and it was immense! I felt so very good. We’re going to have to do some reading of what we can and can’t do and see if this is something that we want in our play. I sure enjoyed it and I know that Master will care for me.

He is my love and Master, I am so committed to him now and forever. Every time I see his face I am amazed at how wonderful I feel under his gaze. Love like this only comes around once in a lifetime for me. I am his forever.


TMI Tuesday #183

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?

Graduating college when even my family thought I’d give up.

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?

Developing into the D/s relationship we know is in there, deep in protocol and ritual and lots of love, play and sex.

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?

Well, I had to actually do that first and I get a homepage for a songwriter, lyricist and singer. Not me.

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?

Bill Cosby when he came to our elementary school to do a comedy routine and talk about DARE. I was 9.

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?

Master. He saves me over and over again.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation – Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks?

Nope. At least I couldn’t say. So many of my 5 bad choices in bed partners were on first name only basis.

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