I’m annoyed. Master has grown tired of my lack of desire to do things when he’s asked. The pressure I have is that I have to be in the mood when he’s asking me. It’s like going from making coffee to a blow job without any warm up. Today Master wants me to give him a blow job and do the clone a willy kit, give him a foot rub and make sure I do it all with a sexual excitement as if I had been warming up to it all hour/day/week. Instead I feel like it should be on my to do list. I task to be done before the end of the day.
We’ve gone round and round on this one. I don’t know what my problem is, I don’t know what his problem is. I’m just confused. He’s pissed and so that sure doesn’t get me going anymore to do his tasks that he has assigned. How can I be sexually turned on all the time? Is there a magical pill?
Yes I’ve put things off for several days now. There have been reasons for this. I’ve been really tired and not feeling well. Now he wants me to be sexual when I haven’t been all day.
I just don’t know how to be sexual right now. I’m needing his dominance, but not ready to ask for it.
The reason I see this is that I’m getting pissy, short tempered and bad. He’s letting me get away with it for one more week, then he’s cracking the whip I think. He told me that my depression ends next week. So… then I think I will feel his dominance.
–luna
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I'm a large, curvy, lustful submissive learning the ropes in a full time D/s relationship. My explorations with love and life and BDSM have brought me closer to the edge of pain and pleasure, deep desires for rope bondage and debauchery but moreso a desire to delve deeper into submission and service to my Master 
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Don’t you have thyroid issues, Luna?
I know depression and decreased (or non-existent) libido is a HUGE part of that, if it’s not controlled yet by the meds.
Not that it’s an “excuse” but it IS a reason. Yanno?
xoxo
CarrieAnns recent blog post..Pink
Thanks chica, but that doesn’t fly anymore because according to my blood work I’m back in normal range for my thyroid levels. Meds are working. *sigh* I’m just being a bitch and need to cut it out.
Meh. I was going to ask about this for March question stuff. Then I realized I should stop back and check where I’d already commented.
Gods, I wish they’d get my numbers regulated!
CarrieAnns recent blog post..zOMG
Hi Luna,
I have been lurking in your blogs for a bit and today is the first time i have felt the urge to post.
I’m intrigued – is Master aware of your emotional wave at all or to put it another way does he care, or need to care?
I could be ignorant and over stepping the mark here, but it appears that he is simply dismissing your emotions rather than working with them. Perhaps this was the agreed dynamic in your contract.
Im not sure if your Master has read the Forked Tongue by Flagg (http://www.lulu.com/content/2740786), but Flagg made what i believe are excellent points in Chapter 1 of his book regarding structure:
* Love is great, but it does not help in building a D/s foundation;
* Don’t confuse what you are doing with why you are doing it;
* Do not phrase anything so that behaviour hinges on feelings… it makes your structure reliant on mood and perception, and is akin to building on a swamp – no steady foundation.
* Sexual availability is enforceable, sexual excitement not so much.
* Emotions, involuntary responses…. should be struck from your list.
So in my case when i request a blow job i ABSOLUTELY would want my sub to perform the act to the best of her abilities, however i do not expect her to be dripping wet.
Would i like her to “love” pleasuring me – sure – can i demand it – No… it’s on a hiding to nothing as its going to be the potential for dissapointment.
Her for not meeting expectations and thinking WTF… but truth be told the disappointment would be in myself for having such an unrealistic expectation.
I hope this helps.
Ozz
I think it’s that he’s tired of my wave of interest and then non-interest. He really wants me to want to pleasure him. And I do, but to have instant desire when he expects pleasure is difficult and I feel impossible. I can pass your comment on to him and see if it opens another door of conversation. Thank you.
ITs just not all about you, this is about your Master and “unconditional love”. If you were to have a baby and choose to breast feed it, you would never deny the child id you didn’t feel like it…thats unconditional love, we do the things we have to whether we like them or not, to meet the desires of our Masters. I have recently had a bout with cancer, and my Master has been more than accomidating, its almost irritating. I want to serve, that would take my mind off of the other and so he finally said, “if you are up to it” and I was.
Luna, consider what you have, how many would jump at the chance to serve full time, I know that it is no easy, but the first rule of bing in D/s for me has always been Unconditional love, with out that one might ever survive! Hugs to you……his css diana
I notice you place undue importance on “feelings”, and it’s almost like you’re dominated by your own emotions and not by another person, not just in this post, but throughout this blog. Feelings have their merit, but they also have their place, and that’s not in the driver’s seat – and is it really submission if I only submit when I “feel like it”? Or when I cop out with “I can’t”, when I know damn well I can, the truth is, I just don’t want to? It’s submission, IMO, when I do what’s expected of me, regardless of how I feel about it; how I feel doesn’t determine what I do with my hands, what I say or do with my mouth, it shouldn’t be that important next to knowing what’s to be done and doing it. I think if that’s not your heart’s desire to the extent that it makes you take the focus off yourself, 24/7 may not be your thing at all.